Sunday Walk
Self-describing text below.28 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
I like how you describe the colors of nature, drawing the reader into the setting. Without the reader realizing it, you move to describing the grandmother. "I marvel at the array of blue-green" next we read: " veins beneath her quivering hand." Then a possible metaphor: Emerald streams flowing through dry, parched land." A+ work.
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2023
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I like how you describe the colors of nature, drawing the reader into the setting. Without the reader realizing it, you move to describing the grandmother. "I marvel at the array of blue-green" next we read: " veins beneath her quivering hand." Then a possible metaphor: Emerald streams flowing through dry, parched land." A+ work.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2023
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Oh! Liz!!! I love your reviews. They always make me want to do better. I am sincerely touched by your generosity in showering me with stars..!!! It means so much to me!!!
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A+ comes hard with me. I was a creative writing teacher. This is brilliant.
Comment from jmdg1954
It's tough to see our loved ones memory diminish from what was once a strong will.
I went through it with my mother, who for a while, did not recognize me. On her last days, she knew me, my name and asked of her grandchildren.
The mind sucks, but can be amazing,
John
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2023
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It's tough to see our loved ones memory diminish from what was once a strong will.
I went through it with my mother, who for a while, did not recognize me. On her last days, she knew me, my name and asked of her grandchildren.
The mind sucks, but can be amazing,
John
Comment Written 09-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2023
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Thanks for the review!!
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
Aw Try his poem is sweet and written well. The descriptions were very well written, I particularly like the blue-green veins. And, emerald streams the metaphor is a beautiful way for a grandson to describe his grandma's hand. Great writing. :))
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2023
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Aw Try his poem is sweet and written well. The descriptions were very well written, I particularly like the blue-green veins. And, emerald streams the metaphor is a beautiful way for a grandson to describe his grandma's hand. Great writing. :))
Comment Written 09-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2023
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Thank you so much for your kind review!!
Comment from Wendy G
Alors, vous venez de l'�le de Maurice, n'est- ce pas? J'aime beaucoup cette petite histoire que vous avez écrite. Don't know if the accents will work, but I love your story, of the intergenerational love. The emerald streams flowing through her dry parched skin - that's beautiful. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2023
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Alors, vous venez de l'�le de Maurice, n'est- ce pas? J'aime beaucoup cette petite histoire que vous avez écrite. Don't know if the accents will work, but I love your story, of the intergenerational love. The emerald streams flowing through her dry parched skin - that's beautiful. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
Comment Written 09-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2023
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Oui, je viens de l'ile Maurice... vous avez fait des recherches sur le dodo?? LOL
Thanks for your kind review and stars, Wendy!!!
Mario
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Non, pas du tout. Je le savais parce que j'avais un ami qui venait de l'Île de Maurice (il y a quarante ans!!). Moi, je suis australienne. Nous sommes allés en vacances pour dix jours à la Réunion et j'aurais bien aimé passer du temps à l'Île de Maurice en mÍme temps. C'est très beau.
Wendy
Comment from JT traveller
A lovely story. Despite a fading memory the grandmother still recalls wonderful days of her past. I found it very clever that you were able to convey a lovely story and a powerful message in so few words. A great read.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2023
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A lovely story. Despite a fading memory the grandmother still recalls wonderful days of her past. I found it very clever that you were able to convey a lovely story and a powerful message in so few words. A great read.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2023
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Thanks for your kind review!!
Comment from Tpa
Marvelous story of the young caring for the elder, which appeared may have Alizimer. I liked your presentation of how you showed and not tell of her disability.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2023
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Marvelous story of the young caring for the elder, which appeared may have Alizimer. I liked your presentation of how you showed and not tell of her disability.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2023
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Oh! Thank you for your in-depth review. Yes, you are right, show has much more grip than Tell.
Thanks so much for your soooo generous 6 stars. I really appreciate your gesture!!!
Comment from Sanku
It is a very touching story .The lady here remembers mostly the walk from the church which must have made her very happy once .The people fade ,but some memories stay.....
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2023
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It is a very touching story .The lady here remembers mostly the walk from the church which must have made her very happy once .The people fade ,but some memories stay.....
Comment Written 08-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2023
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Thanks for your kind review
Comment from Kingsrookviii
I'm sorry but this format detracts from the delivery of your excellent message. The words are OK, although very plain, predictable and cliche, a bit. Good attempt, but normal spacing would do wonders to improve; let proper punctuation do the job. Good luck.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2023
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I'm sorry but this format detracts from the delivery of your excellent message. The words are OK, although very plain, predictable and cliche, a bit. Good attempt, but normal spacing would do wonders to improve; let proper punctuation do the job. Good luck.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2023
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Revenge is something we eat usually cold. You tried it hot. Good for you.
Your reply requires sanctioning from the committee, and I mean it. Your words" The words are OK, although very plain, predictable and cliche, a bit. Good attempt, but normal spacing would do wonders to improve; let proper punctuation do the job. " DO NOT MAKE ANY SENSE AND ARE OUT OF WHACK. Please accept corrective critique, and do not confuse critiquing with criticism, which you undoubtedly are doing! Good Luck Kingsrookvii
PIERRE MARIO
Comment from Ric Myworld
Wow, thanks for sharing some might fine writing that I'm glad to have stumbled across. Now I just wish I had a six left so that I could reward it properly. Great job!
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2023
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Wow, thanks for sharing some might fine writing that I'm glad to have stumbled across. Now I just wish I had a six left so that I could reward it properly. Great job!
Comment Written 07-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2023
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Thanks, Ric, I appreciate your review and generous intention!!
Comment from prettybluebirds
This is a lovely tribute to all the older ones who are slowly losing track of what is real. I love the twist you added at the end. It caught me off guard. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2023
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This is a lovely tribute to all the older ones who are slowly losing track of what is real. I love the twist you added at the end. It caught me off guard. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2023
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Thank you, for the review and the generous stars!!
