looking skyward
Senryu 5-7-6 (couple seeks meaning)4 total reviews
Comment from tempeste
Ciao Marco!
You have brought to life a peaceful picture.
Laying in a field watching the clouds drift by searching shapes that remind me of
an animal , an object .
When twilight comes I wonder what is out there. I don't believe we are alone. And I don't think these aliens are so friendly.
Read slot about Area51 and sightings experienced from even pilots in the force.
I love to take pics of rainbows after a shower and lick the last raindrops from the glossy foliage in my green patch.
Cold rainy weather has ruined blossom and fruit crops. And I still have the fire going morning and night.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2023
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Ciao Marco!
You have brought to life a peaceful picture.
Laying in a field watching the clouds drift by searching shapes that remind me of
an animal , an object .
When twilight comes I wonder what is out there. I don't believe we are alone. And I don't think these aliens are so friendly.
Read slot about Area51 and sightings experienced from even pilots in the force.
I love to take pics of rainbows after a shower and lick the last raindrops from the glossy foliage in my green patch.
Cold rainy weather has ruined blossom and fruit crops. And I still have the fire going morning and night.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2023
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I accept there are strange sightings in the sky - UFOs or not. Given the environmental stuff going on our planet - I could see why they don?t want to communicate with us.
Thanks again for your review.
Mark
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Mark,
I've done this many times, and not just as a kid. It's fun to see what shapes are in the clouds. (Of course, my real reason for looking in these senior years is the chance of seeing a UFO, or UAP as they are now called. They hide in the clouds, you see.)
Now, I did notice that your last line has 6 syllables, rather than five. You could write,
"lovely thoughts dreamed up"
or,
"lovely thoughts pictured".
Perfect artwork for your poem. Did it come first?
You continue to write some nice short forms!
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2023
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Hi Mark,
I've done this many times, and not just as a kid. It's fun to see what shapes are in the clouds. (Of course, my real reason for looking in these senior years is the chance of seeing a UFO, or UAP as they are now called. They hide in the clouds, you see.)
Now, I did notice that your last line has 6 syllables, rather than five. You could write,
"lovely thoughts dreamed up"
or,
"lovely thoughts pictured".
Perfect artwork for your poem. Did it come first?
You continue to write some nice short forms!
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 30-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2023
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KimBob
Your edits are easily understood, but the extra syllable was intentional - it is free verse!
Actually, I can accept the concept of UFOs but I have never seen them. My imagination likely was not that vivid that I could imagine certain shapes. The same applies to constellations - I can recognize the star shapes but not ?see? the image they portrayed.
And years, I only write short poems. Longer ones are not (and likely ever will be) in my poetry wheelhouse. Mark it up as laziness on my education.
Mark
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Oh, I'm sorry, Mark. I just figured it was a 5-7-5 poem.
As far as UFO's go, I have seen strange lights in the night sky... and it wasn't just me. I was working at the Grand Bay Drive-In at the time, back around the summer of 1970, and everyone there that night saw them, too. We also saw 3 fighter jets in hot pursuit about 2 minutes later, chasing the object across the river. And this was at night, and the jets were tree-top level. That's pretty low for night flight.
Kimbob
Comment from Terry Broxson
I am certainly no expert, but this looks like a haiku and a very good one, indeed. Your words have nice imagery and provide a clear message. The picture is perfect.
I just noticed your profile and see you are an expert on haiku. So my question, relative to the contest. Is haiku considered 'free verse,' or does 'free verse' connote some other form? Good work, and good luck in the contest. Terry.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2023
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I am certainly no expert, but this looks like a haiku and a very good one, indeed. Your words have nice imagery and provide a clear message. The picture is perfect.
I just noticed your profile and see you are an expert on haiku. So my question, relative to the contest. Is haiku considered 'free verse,' or does 'free verse' connote some other form? Good work, and good luck in the contest. Terry.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2023
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Terry
Free IMHO means anything goes. My poetry genre is most typically 5-7-5 Haiku format. So ?free verse? is fair game for me.
Thanks for your support of my short poem style.
Mark
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Mark, I would think you are right about that. I am a storyteller and not a poet, so I wasn't sure. Terry.
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Terry,
I leave the storytelling to your expertise. Longer stuff is not in my bailiwick. Methinks poetry and writing have no fast and hard rules - what is well written is well written!
Mark
Comment from RodG
Ah, Mark, you're a romantic. Do young couples today look at clouds together? This poem brings back memories ages old.
Clouds don't have the same mystery today unfortunately. Rod
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2023
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Ah, Mark, you're a romantic. Do young couples today look at clouds together? This poem brings back memories ages old.
Clouds don't have the same mystery today unfortunately. Rod
Comment Written 30-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2023
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Rod,
As we get older, those shapes do take on different meanings (-; Maybe a bit less romantic than in our early lives, so let?s ?glow? with the flow (-;
Mark
Mark
