Tanka (golden afternoon)
Poetry34 total reviews
Comment from Mark D. R.
Melissa,
Such a nice idea you have created for your Tanka post.
One easily feels and senses those sunbeams, puddles, and (grumpy) thunder clouds.
Mark
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2023
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Melissa,
Such a nice idea you have created for your Tanka post.
One easily feels and senses those sunbeams, puddles, and (grumpy) thunder clouds.
Mark
Comment Written 27-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2023
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Hello Mark. Thanks so much!! I always love to see the sun come out after a heavy rain.... it sort of speaks to me :). So glad you liked it!!
Melissa
Comment from Rachelle Allen
What a poet you are! Your personification of the sun sipping puddles is absolute genius. I would have LOVED having you as a student when you were a little girl! I bet you said all kinds of fascinating things!
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
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What a poet you are! Your personification of the sun sipping puddles is absolute genius. I would have LOVED having you as a student when you were a little girl! I bet you said all kinds of fascinating things!
Comment Written 25-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
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Hello Rachelle... I am so glad you liked this verse. Your comments about my childhood caused me to laugh. I was, indeed, loquacious!! I enjoy writing Tanka, but it is that central pivot line that always challenges me. I was lucky to find the artwork after I had written the poem. Thanks so much!!
Melissa
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I LOVE chatty children!
Comment from Jesse James Doty
I love how sunbeams lean down and golden afternoons stretch down and wave. They have an uncanny ability to reach out as if they are beings which they are if you really think about it. This has alliteration and things to ponder and I love both of them equally.
Thank you for sharing this lovely tanka!
Jesse
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
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I love how sunbeams lean down and golden afternoons stretch down and wave. They have an uncanny ability to reach out as if they are beings which they are if you really think about it. This has alliteration and things to ponder and I love both of them equally.
Thank you for sharing this lovely tanka!
Jesse
Comment Written 25-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
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Hello Jesse... I am so glad you liked this verse. I enjoy writing Tanka, but it is that central pivot line that always challenges me. I was lucky to find the artwork after I had written the poem. Thanks so much!!
Melissa
Comment from Ginda Simpson
Your words so perfectly create a beautiful image as well as a feeling of joy. They really do send those grumpy clouds away. What a love example of tanka poetry.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
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Your words so perfectly create a beautiful image as well as a feeling of joy. They really do send those grumpy clouds away. What a love example of tanka poetry.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
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Hello Ginda... I am so glad you liked this verse. I enjoy writing Tanka, but it is that central pivot line that always challenges me. I was lucky to find the artwork after I had written the poem. Thanks so much!!
Melissa
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This is the kind of tanka that will get a reader through a dark, damp winter day, or even a spring one. There is quite a lot of personification going on here, as other reviewers have mentioned. The thunderclouds appear to be on their way out, as well. Nice post.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
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This is the kind of tanka that will get a reader through a dark, damp winter day, or even a spring one. There is quite a lot of personification going on here, as other reviewers have mentioned. The thunderclouds appear to be on their way out, as well. Nice post.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
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Hello Crystie... I am so glad you liked this verse. I enjoy writing Tanka, but it is that central pivot line that always challenges me. I was lucky to find the artwork after I had written the poem. Thanks so much!!
Melissa
Comment from Jasmine Girl
What a beautiful poem and I think it's definitely a six-star but I have run out. You are using many poetic tools like ""alliterations, personification and assonant.
Well done and good luck.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
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What a beautiful poem and I think it's definitely a six-star but I have run out. You are using many poetic tools like ""alliterations, personification and assonant.
Well done and good luck.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
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Hello Lisa... I am so glad you liked this verse. I enjoy writing Tanka, but it is that central pivot line that always challenges me. I was lucky to find the artwork after I had written the poem. Thanks so much!!
Melissa
Comment from judiverse
Great imagery in this. I like the sunbeams reaching down to sip the puddles and the grumpy thunderclouds. Your words paint a lovely picture. Your syllable count is right on. Great connection with all the lines. Best of luck in the contest. judi
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
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Great imagery in this. I like the sunbeams reaching down to sip the puddles and the grumpy thunderclouds. Your words paint a lovely picture. Your syllable count is right on. Great connection with all the lines. Best of luck in the contest. judi
Comment Written 24-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
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Hello Judi... I am so glad you liked this verse. I enjoy writing Tanka, but it is that central pivot line that always challenges me. I was lucky to find the artwork after I had written the poem. Thanks so much!!
Melissa
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You're welcome. I know what you mean. That pivot line is a challenge. judi
Comment from royowen
Judy loved this tanka, and great useable of the artwork, that was a very special sparkle the photographer gained from that super shot dear Melissa, well done my friend, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
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Judy loved this tanka, and great useable of the artwork, that was a very special sparkle the photographer gained from that super shot dear Melissa, well done my friend, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 24-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
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Hello Roy... I am so glad you liked this verse. I enjoy writing Tanka, but it is that central pivot line that always challenges me. I was lucky to find the artwork after I had written the poem. Thanks so much!!
Melissa
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Melissa,
I enjoyed your tanka poem. I think this area was just bombed by momentary thunder and lightning.
Nice personification of the sunbeams sipping from puddles. I like that. But I'm just wondering if those puddles are "rippling" or just "muddy"? If you used "muddy", it would match all the other "u" sounds in your poem... "sunbeams/summer's/puddles/grumpy/thunder". You get a bit of rhyme in there, too... "mud/pudd". Just an idea~ might be a smoother read. See what you think.
There is more personification in your poem, too.
"golden afternoons stretch and wave lazily"
and,
the "thunderclouds" are "grumpy" and "fleeing".
After a thunderstorm like this one, when I was a kid, we'd grab some popsicle sticks and race them down the hill, after we'd dug a canal between the puddles. It was fun, and we kids were easily amused!
Nicely penned!
By the way, I heard robins have been sighted in Saint John. But none around our home yet. Still, we have that hope! It should be very soon.
Hugs,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2023
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Hi Melissa,
I enjoyed your tanka poem. I think this area was just bombed by momentary thunder and lightning.
Nice personification of the sunbeams sipping from puddles. I like that. But I'm just wondering if those puddles are "rippling" or just "muddy"? If you used "muddy", it would match all the other "u" sounds in your poem... "sunbeams/summer's/puddles/grumpy/thunder". You get a bit of rhyme in there, too... "mud/pudd". Just an idea~ might be a smoother read. See what you think.
There is more personification in your poem, too.
"golden afternoons stretch and wave lazily"
and,
the "thunderclouds" are "grumpy" and "fleeing".
After a thunderstorm like this one, when I was a kid, we'd grab some popsicle sticks and race them down the hill, after we'd dug a canal between the puddles. It was fun, and we kids were easily amused!
Nicely penned!
By the way, I heard robins have been sighted in Saint John. But none around our home yet. Still, we have that hope! It should be very soon.
Hugs,
Kimbob
Comment Written 24-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2023
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Hello KB... I hope you get your robins soon!! I chased one around the yard today ...laughing at him hopping away from me for just a few feet, then I would take a few more steps, he, a few more hops... then he pulled out his ace ~ he flew away. I LOVE springtime. Thank you for all of your helpful suggestions. I'll look at them a little closer. :). Hugs! Melissa
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Robins are the first real sign of Spring for me... besides March Madness basketball, that is, and the Masters Golf Tournament! (How would I live without sports? LOL)
Comment from Bill Schott
This tanka, Golden Afternoon, has the proper formatting and finds an interesting idea with the twinkling sunlight in the mud puddle. The day seen here can represent your words well.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2023
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This tanka, Golden Afternoon, has the proper formatting and finds an interesting idea with the twinkling sunlight in the mud puddle. The day seen here can represent your words well.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2023
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Thanks so much Bill!!
Melissa