The Faller
Weep for the fallen, cry not for the Faller17 total reviews
Comment from royowen
Such a sad, sad story. My father was evacuated from France at Dunkirk at the beginning of WW2, He never spoke of his experiences, although they must have been very harrowing, he received an honourable discharge shortly after, he hearing was badly affected by near explosions, my brother likewise was wounded in Vietnam. Well done with this, it's funny where life takes us, but good mental health demands we forgive others, irrespective, beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
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Such a sad, sad story. My father was evacuated from France at Dunkirk at the beginning of WW2, He never spoke of his experiences, although they must have been very harrowing, he received an honourable discharge shortly after, he hearing was badly affected by near explosions, my brother likewise was wounded in Vietnam. Well done with this, it's funny where life takes us, but good mental health demands we forgive others, irrespective, beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy
Comment Written 25-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
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Thank you, Roy. Much appreciated.
Comment from Mario PIERRE
What a riveting story!! I had immense pleasure going through it, slowly and trying to immisce myself into the protagonists and attempting to feel the characters. It's a great story, written by a writer with a flawless talent to tell. I like the fluidity and clarity and the characters feel so alive and real. Absolutely loved it.
Mario
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
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What a riveting story!! I had immense pleasure going through it, slowly and trying to immisce myself into the protagonists and attempting to feel the characters. It's a great story, written by a writer with a flawless talent to tell. I like the fluidity and clarity and the characters feel so alive and real. Absolutely loved it.
Mario
Comment Written 25-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
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Thank you, Mario. Much appreciated.
Comment from irishauthorme
Wow. After reading this, I can see how hard it was to write. I can really relate because I went through a comparable childhood with my Dad, a WWII veteran who left a wife and four children to serve in the SeaBees.
We did not know his location for 3 & 1/2 years. His occasional letters were censored so heavily that all that was left was, "Hello Folks, and Love, Dad."
He was a changed father when he returned, with ups and downs similar to your John. I left home at 14, but yeah, I softened later when he was old.
Great story.
irish
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
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Wow. After reading this, I can see how hard it was to write. I can really relate because I went through a comparable childhood with my Dad, a WWII veteran who left a wife and four children to serve in the SeaBees.
We did not know his location for 3 & 1/2 years. His occasional letters were censored so heavily that all that was left was, "Hello Folks, and Love, Dad."
He was a changed father when he returned, with ups and downs similar to your John. I left home at 14, but yeah, I softened later when he was old.
Great story.
irish
Comment Written 25-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
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Thanks for the stars, Irish. Much appreciated. Looks like you've been there to.
Comment from giraffmang
hi there,
emotional indeed and it's an intriguing and interesting write. I'll bet this is a more familiar tale than many would like to admit as well.
therre're a few little technical issues in the piece which take nothing away from the power of the write but I've pointed most of them out here-
John smiled. "Sure," he placed the cigarette in the soldier's clasped hands. - I'd end the dialogue with a period here rather than using a comma. What follows is more of a sentence in its own right than a tag.
He jumped up and pounded hard on the roof of the cab. "MESSERSCHMITT! Stop the truck! Get out! Get out!" The driver slammed on the brakes and skidded to a stop.- ideally the last sentence would be on a separate paragraph so as not to roll one person's dialogue and actions into that of another's.
"Shoot them, Corporal." Screamed the officer.- the middle section here should be a speech tag. (lower case)
"I can't shoot tied prisoners!" He yelled back." - delete the speech marks from the very end here.
He yelled out, but the man kept going. "He fired again- delete the unnecessary speech marks.
"are you Ok?" He asked. - "Are you ok?" he asked.
But then, unexplainably, he would be friendly the next time he came. - maybe try inexplicably here.
"It's yours." He said. "I want you to have it."- this is a tag in the middle. It can be either following or proceeding. if the former it needs to start lower case. if the latter then should be a comma after said.
All following speech tags should start lower case.
"I'm so sorry, Brad, but Bennett, my first husband, wasn't your father either. " You were born out of wedlock, by a merchant Sailor before I married"- you have an extra set of speech marks in here.
" You were born out of wedlock, by a merchant Sailor before I married" - delete the space after the opening speech marks and you need a period before the closing ones.
"You dumb ass! He yelled in my face.- need closing speech marks after ass!
"We learned after the war that John was being held at Walter Reed Veterans Hospital in Bethesda, Maryland, for observation. They informed our mother that he wasn't physically wounded, but he was there for medical evaluation, which suggested John was suffering from severe mental stress. He didn't come home until months later. - missing closing speech marks.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
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hi there,
emotional indeed and it's an intriguing and interesting write. I'll bet this is a more familiar tale than many would like to admit as well.
therre're a few little technical issues in the piece which take nothing away from the power of the write but I've pointed most of them out here-
John smiled. "Sure," he placed the cigarette in the soldier's clasped hands. - I'd end the dialogue with a period here rather than using a comma. What follows is more of a sentence in its own right than a tag.
He jumped up and pounded hard on the roof of the cab. "MESSERSCHMITT! Stop the truck! Get out! Get out!" The driver slammed on the brakes and skidded to a stop.- ideally the last sentence would be on a separate paragraph so as not to roll one person's dialogue and actions into that of another's.
"Shoot them, Corporal." Screamed the officer.- the middle section here should be a speech tag. (lower case)
"I can't shoot tied prisoners!" He yelled back." - delete the speech marks from the very end here.
He yelled out, but the man kept going. "He fired again- delete the unnecessary speech marks.
"are you Ok?" He asked. - "Are you ok?" he asked.
But then, unexplainably, he would be friendly the next time he came. - maybe try inexplicably here.
"It's yours." He said. "I want you to have it."- this is a tag in the middle. It can be either following or proceeding. if the former it needs to start lower case. if the latter then should be a comma after said.
All following speech tags should start lower case.
"I'm so sorry, Brad, but Bennett, my first husband, wasn't your father either. " You were born out of wedlock, by a merchant Sailor before I married"- you have an extra set of speech marks in here.
" You were born out of wedlock, by a merchant Sailor before I married" - delete the space after the opening speech marks and you need a period before the closing ones.
"You dumb ass! He yelled in my face.- need closing speech marks after ass!
"We learned after the war that John was being held at Walter Reed Veterans Hospital in Bethesda, Maryland, for observation. They informed our mother that he wasn't physically wounded, but he was there for medical evaluation, which suggested John was suffering from severe mental stress. He didn't come home until months later. - missing closing speech marks.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
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Thanks, giraffmang. I can't tell you how many times I proofed this story. All the other readers missed it to. Thank you for finding them.
Brad
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is very well written and I liked the story. I would like to suggest you review the rules on writing dialogue.
He noticed the young soldier next to him was watching. ( when it's people, it's 'soldier beside him')
"Shoot them, Corporal." Screamed the officer. "Don't let them get away!" (Corporal," screamed)
John raised his rifle, then hesitated, "I can't shoot tied prisoners!" He yelled back." (hesitated. "I can't shoot tied prisoners!" he yelled back.)
The Lieutenant approached him, "are you Ok?" He asked. (period after 'him' & capital 'A' on 'Are' & you can omit 'he asked')
"It's yours." He said. "I want you to have it." (your's," he said.)
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
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This is very well written and I liked the story. I would like to suggest you review the rules on writing dialogue.
He noticed the young soldier next to him was watching. ( when it's people, it's 'soldier beside him')
"Shoot them, Corporal." Screamed the officer. "Don't let them get away!" (Corporal," screamed)
John raised his rifle, then hesitated, "I can't shoot tied prisoners!" He yelled back." (hesitated. "I can't shoot tied prisoners!" he yelled back.)
The Lieutenant approached him, "are you Ok?" He asked. (period after 'him' & capital 'A' on 'Are' & you can omit 'he asked')
"It's yours." He said. "I want you to have it." (your's," he said.)
Comment Written 25-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
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Thank you, Barbara. Sharp eyes there! You are the first to catch those errors. I must have gone over it a dozen times. Kudos. Brad
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I only pointed out a few. You will want to check all of the dialogue.
Comment from estory
This is an interesting story, well told, articulating the struggles of life we face in dealing with people that come in and out of our lives; people whose own past before we knew them influenced greatly their relationship with us. I like how you started the story with the scene in France and the shooting of the prisoners. We see Johnny reluctant to do it, and the stark presentation of the scene in your story heightens the emotional gut wrenching we feel here for this man. Then we see how he takes out his inner pain on the stepson. We see how his verbal abuse clouded and pained your view of him. But in the end it is all tied together and we the mountains we have to climb in understanding to gain a compassion for people. Nicely done with a powerful theme. estory
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
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This is an interesting story, well told, articulating the struggles of life we face in dealing with people that come in and out of our lives; people whose own past before we knew them influenced greatly their relationship with us. I like how you started the story with the scene in France and the shooting of the prisoners. We see Johnny reluctant to do it, and the stark presentation of the scene in your story heightens the emotional gut wrenching we feel here for this man. Then we see how he takes out his inner pain on the stepson. We see how his verbal abuse clouded and pained your view of him. But in the end it is all tied together and we the mountains we have to climb in understanding to gain a compassion for people. Nicely done with a powerful theme. estory
Comment Written 25-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
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Thank you, estory, much appreciated. You've summed it up very accurately. So glad you liked it. Brad
Comment from Jim Wile
This was an absolutely riveting, well-written, and well-told story in every way. It had a terrific hook, making me want to keep reading, a terrific buildup, and a thought-provoking, satisfying conclusion as you gained a great deal of self-awareness and empathy for John. You made me feel it too. It was very emotional.
Besides that, your editing was terrific, as I detected no errors in this long story. What a marvelous job all the way around, Brad! Jim
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2023
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This was an absolutely riveting, well-written, and well-told story in every way. It had a terrific hook, making me want to keep reading, a terrific buildup, and a thought-provoking, satisfying conclusion as you gained a great deal of self-awareness and empathy for John. You made me feel it too. It was very emotional.
Besides that, your editing was terrific, as I detected no errors in this long story. What a marvelous job all the way around, Brad! Jim
Comment Written 24-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2023
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Wow! Thank you, Jim. So glad you liked it. You've made my day.
Comment from John Ciarmello
Hi Brad! "The Faller" was engaging and so wonderfully written. We never know the burdens some carry and your beautiful story is a perfect example of the whens and the whys of one's actions and reactions. What a learned message you have given us with this story. I enjoyed it! Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2023
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Hi Brad! "The Faller" was engaging and so wonderfully written. We never know the burdens some carry and your beautiful story is a perfect example of the whens and the whys of one's actions and reactions. What a learned message you have given us with this story. I enjoyed it! Best, JohnC
Comment Written 24-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2023
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Thank you for the stars, John! So glad you liked it, you've made my day.
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You are most welcome, Brad! Great read.
Comment from Wendy G
A very moving story, and a compelling one. Filled with authenticity and harsh, brutal reality. Well written - and yet I was too engrossed to check for anything, but nothing leapt out. The mark of excellent writing is that the reader is transported into your world. Thank you for sharing - and yes, it must have been very hard to write. I appreciate that you did.
Wendy
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2023
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A very moving story, and a compelling one. Filled with authenticity and harsh, brutal reality. Well written - and yet I was too engrossed to check for anything, but nothing leapt out. The mark of excellent writing is that the reader is transported into your world. Thank you for sharing - and yes, it must have been very hard to write. I appreciate that you did.
Wendy
Comment Written 24-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2023
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Wow, thank you Wendy. I could'nt ask for a better review. Much appreciated.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Excellent story. Superbly written. Good work.
Well told wrenching stories that come from deep within deserve six stars.
They are not easily dredged up.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2023
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Excellent story. Superbly written. Good work.
Well told wrenching stories that come from deep within deserve six stars.
They are not easily dredged up.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2023
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Thank you so much for your review, Wayne. I'm so glad you liked it. I I I dredged down deep to put heart and heart soul into it, so this feels good. Thanks again.
