Ghost
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Becoming..."Biography/Supernatural
13 total reviews
Comment from Rachelle Allen
You definitely nailed the "unraveling" aspect perfectly. This has a very genuine "jangled and unglued" tone and timbre and aftershock that makes it memorable, indeed. It stares the reader down as it asks, "You think YOU'RE uncomfortable? Try LIVING it!" Brave and brash and unflinching. Chaos abounds. Well done.
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2023
  |
You definitely nailed the "unraveling" aspect perfectly. This has a very genuine "jangled and unglued" tone and timbre and aftershock that makes it memorable, indeed. It stares the reader down as it asks, "You think YOU'RE uncomfortable? Try LIVING it!" Brave and brash and unflinching. Chaos abounds. Well done.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2023
-
There's so much to tell you. my life if anything has been a roller coaster ride. I'm in this nice little bubble right now where I'm just writing my brains out in a room of my own design. Where I feel comfortable. I knew I would hibernate a bit doing this. That's OKI take my little dog out daily too. You have the most amazing reviews or reviews. There's so I need a way of looking at things you have. That always gives me a different perspective. Able write in different ways. But I remain steady from the outside looking in as that's the only way to fly. May the force be with you l o l!
Comment from Lisasview
Oh my Lea,
What an amazing story!!
You certainly have a knack for writing...
Someone on this site, when I reviewed a poem of hers, and said that I see my life as one big adventure, her response was that her entire life has been one of constant trauma... I responded that perhaps her trauma is what makes her a good writer...So reading your authors notes I found it interesting that you and I think along the same lines... Trauma ~ talent.
Also, I too come from a genetic predisposition, intuitive!... so, I understand what you are talking about... Using ones intuitive nature is what can make for a fulfilling life.
Anyway, back to your story...I think it is a gift that not many have... you are definitely fortunate!! I for one have always embraced it...
Lisasview
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2023
|
Oh my Lea,
What an amazing story!!
You certainly have a knack for writing...
Someone on this site, when I reviewed a poem of hers, and said that I see my life as one big adventure, her response was that her entire life has been one of constant trauma... I responded that perhaps her trauma is what makes her a good writer...So reading your authors notes I found it interesting that you and I think along the same lines... Trauma ~ talent.
Also, I too come from a genetic predisposition, intuitive!... so, I understand what you are talking about... Using ones intuitive nature is what can make for a fulfilling life.
Anyway, back to your story...I think it is a gift that not many have... you are definitely fortunate!! I for one have always embraced it...
Lisasview
Comment Written 02-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2023
-
Thank you for your insight and your understanding! In glad you can relate! A kindred spirit. If you like feel free to read the other chapters. It is incomplete so it is somewhat out of order but you are welcome to look. "Becoming More" describes what g happened when I came home from the hospital. Thank you again! Talk soon!
Comment from karenina
I am so glad you're expressing yourself in prose. Your poetry is fine, and is clearly your "default" way of expression (as it is mine)--but this story? This account? It's real, gritty, and at turns frightening and mysterious...
I was fully engaged. Parsing small errors, braking into bite-sized paragraphs, all of this will come, as you write more and more.//
JOB ONE is to move the reader!
THAT you've done with a master's pen!
Karenina
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2023
|
I am so glad you're expressing yourself in prose. Your poetry is fine, and is clearly your "default" way of expression (as it is mine)--but this story? This account? It's real, gritty, and at turns frightening and mysterious...
I was fully engaged. Parsing small errors, braking into bite-sized paragraphs, all of this will come, as you write more and more.//
JOB ONE is to move the reader!
THAT you've done with a master's pen!
Karenina
Comment Written 08-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2023
-
Awesome you know it's the 1st time I wrote anything like this or by way of a story . This stuff is new to me really. But your advice in your opinion has offered great insight as well as a few other choice. Comments have received in the month or so that I've been here. You're contribution is integral and it's very much appreciathank you so much. Im glad you like it
-
I did note in my earliest reviews that your author's notes were so telling I felt you'd do well with prose. I write almost always in poetry form...but when I dare to try prose, I find it very fulfilling. The more I try the more I learn!
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Nice story. Very interesting. But it needs some work.
across my minds eye! - (mind's)
"oh Jesus I fucked up my brain big time!" "I've really, really done it! I've messed up things forever and I'm just gonna be a no mind for the rest of my days! - Cap Oh. Don't need quotes before I've, but you do need closing quotes.
"Let's not to do that again OK? And walked out of the room. - Needs closing quotes. 'And' does not need cap.
Better open a window! - needs closing quotes
in my head is stillon - space
I come from A family, - lower case 'a'
a company - (accompany)
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2023
 |
Nice story. Very interesting. But it needs some work.
across my minds eye! - (mind's)
"oh Jesus I fucked up my brain big time!" "I've really, really done it! I've messed up things forever and I'm just gonna be a no mind for the rest of my days! - Cap Oh. Don't need quotes before I've, but you do need closing quotes.
"Let's not to do that again OK? And walked out of the room. - Needs closing quotes. 'And' does not need cap.
Better open a window! - needs closing quotes
in my head is stillon - space
I come from A family, - lower case 'a'
a company - (accompany)
Comment Written 01-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2023
-
Thank you Wayne for your comments and taking time to review my story this is my very 1st story I'm learning that there is some already ability there on occasion. Thank you for reviewing this I appreciate your time and effort hope you have an awesome day we'll take your suggestions into account..
Comment from papa55mike
My wife was in a coma for 11 days after flatlining, and she spoke of a movie playing, and then she was in a dark place after that. After waking, she spoke of seeing many things, including demons, angels, and people from the past. Wanda also saw other people and creatures in the room that nobody saw. I love your frantic style of writing. What a wonderfully written piece. Best of luck with your writing!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2023
 |
My wife was in a coma for 11 days after flatlining, and she spoke of a movie playing, and then she was in a dark place after that. After waking, she spoke of seeing many things, including demons, angels, and people from the past. Wanda also saw other people and creatures in the room that nobody saw. I love your frantic style of writing. What a wonderfully written piece. Best of luck with your writing!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 01-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2023
-
Truly amazing! I'm glad you're doing something to you and I hope that bringing your wife to your memory is not a hard thing. It is interesting to note that she experienced much the same thing as I and that She can know now that she is not alone in his experience thank you again!
Comment from Mary Shifman
This is an interesting and intriguing story. I have no doubts that you did experience these things. I also come from a long line of intuitive women and I've recently learned that one of my nieces is also. There be others in my family who don't acknowledge it because to them it's scary. For me, it's nothing that I have any control over. It's either there or it isn't. Thanks for sharing this.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2023
|
This is an interesting and intriguing story. I have no doubts that you did experience these things. I also come from a long line of intuitive women and I've recently learned that one of my nieces is also. There be others in my family who don't acknowledge it because to them it's scary. For me, it's nothing that I have any control over. It's either there or it isn't. Thanks for sharing this.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2023
-
Thank you for your great review Mary I really appreciate it yes with me that grows The new things arise to contend with there's something going on there I think thank you again for your great review I appreciate it so much hope you have a great day!!
Comment from Lobber
This writer is definitely not nuts. A stream of consciousness with remarkable depth. A read to grab you with fascinating characters. Reads like a chapter in a book.
- Lobber
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2023
|
This writer is definitely not nuts. A stream of consciousness with remarkable depth. A read to grab you with fascinating characters. Reads like a chapter in a book.
- Lobber
Comment Written 28-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2023
-
Wow thank you so much so glad that you found it interesting I'm honored and pleased Thank you very much again Is the very 1st writing for this so this is than special its extremely special! Ty!!
Comment from lyenochka
Thank you for sharing this very personal account. I'm glad that your "chalkboard" affirmed your sanity. It sounds you survived a scary time of despair and you received a gift of embracing life. It's good that you had that supernatural event to share with that man. Best wishes in the contest!
across my minds eye! (mind's) for the possessive
brain big time!" "I've really, (You don't need end quotes or new quotes here. For thoughts, you could just put the thoughts in italics without the quotes)
awake" (period before end quotes. There were other punctuation nits like this that I won't list.)
listen to me loose it. (lose)
The doctor moving briskly as they do nowadays. (moved)
"oh God, did [you]hear that?
There were some formatting issues, too.
In your notes: "issues that a company that skill. " (accompany)
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2023
|
Thank you for sharing this very personal account. I'm glad that your "chalkboard" affirmed your sanity. It sounds you survived a scary time of despair and you received a gift of embracing life. It's good that you had that supernatural event to share with that man. Best wishes in the contest!
across my minds eye! (mind's) for the possessive
brain big time!" "I've really, (You don't need end quotes or new quotes here. For thoughts, you could just put the thoughts in italics without the quotes)
awake" (period before end quotes. There were other punctuation nits like this that I won't list.)
listen to me loose it. (lose)
The doctor moving briskly as they do nowadays. (moved)
"oh God, did [you]hear that?
There were some formatting issues, too.
In your notes: "issues that a company that skill. " (accompany)
Comment Written 28-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2023
-
Thank you so much for your fine review I really appreciate them so very much and thank you for noticing the complexity and personal element to this account. For your kind review it is much appreciated ! Have a great night!
-
Blessings of a restful night to you!
Comment from kahpot
I don't read many stories as I find it hard to comment except on what I feel, I cannot help with grammar or punctuation, but when I started reading, I found myself truly engrossed, a wonderful yet very sad read, my wishes for you and for your contest****kahpot
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2023
|
I don't read many stories as I find it hard to comment except on what I feel, I cannot help with grammar or punctuation, but when I started reading, I found myself truly engrossed, a wonderful yet very sad read, my wishes for you and for your contest****kahpot
Comment Written 27-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2023
-
Thank you so much for reading it and offering me your review I'm very much Appreciated and your thoughts too Yeah when I experienced it at the time I mean even when I think about it still now my heart picks up the things that happened in progressive since then and before then and that in itself is another story . Thank you again!
Comment from Dr. Von
This is an interesting piece that engages the reader's imagination and spiritual awareness. There are some minor spots that could benefit from grammatical attention, but the power of your story is not overshadowed. I believe that we are all subject to interactions that are inexplicable. I like that you bravely share your truth.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2023
|
This is an interesting piece that engages the reader's imagination and spiritual awareness. There are some minor spots that could benefit from grammatical attention, but the power of your story is not overshadowed. I believe that we are all subject to interactions that are inexplicable. I like that you bravely share your truth.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2023
-
Thank you so much for your kind words I appreciate you taking the time to read it it is a bit of a read Going to go look over that a little bit more I think it needs some to reaching too thank you so much And have a great night!
-
You are welcome. Good luck.
