Children young and old
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Hey Jude"Fun for all
56 total reviews
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
The poem's style or form is greatly written. Plot: The boy become kind after being so unkind. You have written that very politely and wonderfully. It's not always easy to commit food to someone else when you're hungry yourself. But God has taught us well.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2023
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The poem's style or form is greatly written. Plot: The boy become kind after being so unkind. You have written that very politely and wonderfully. It's not always easy to commit food to someone else when you're hungry yourself. But God has taught us well.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2023
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Oh Rosemary, that is so poetically beautiful. Thank you for that analagy, and your other lovely comments. I appreciate them and you so. very much, my friend!!!
Comment from Jim Wile
This poem was very well done, and I loved that you made it rhyme. Excellent job!
One small suggestion:
The poem is mostly iambic which gives it a good flow, but the 10-syllable line could be written so that it makes a little more sense with the line before it and still maintains the iambic flow. Instead of:
"Jude felt his shyness, maybe misconstrued." you might try:
"Our Jude, who felt his kindness misconstrued."
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2023
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This poem was very well done, and I loved that you made it rhyme. Excellent job!
One small suggestion:
The poem is mostly iambic which gives it a good flow, but the 10-syllable line could be written so that it makes a little more sense with the line before it and still maintains the iambic flow. Instead of:
"Jude felt his shyness, maybe misconstrued." you might try:
"Our Jude, who felt his kindness misconstrued."
Comment Written 25-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2023
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Hi Jim, yes it is a bit of a hard one to stay on meter. I like your suggestion and maybe use it, but feel that it would get my message across better if I used the word, shyness in it instead of kindness.
Thanks so much Jim, as I ALWAYS love great feedback, and your thoughtful comments as well!
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Actually, that was a mistake by me in copying your line. I didn't mean to change it from shyness to kindness. I was only meaning to change the words a little for the meter.
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Thanks Jim, I did kinda think that was what you meant to say, but I did understand the meter change, and it is done. I am glad that you recommenended it as it does read better. Thanks. It is next to impossile to get them all in meter with all the even to odd lines, but I am happy with it.
This Ms Dude has lots of grattitude!!!
Comment from Kaiku
a fun (sort of) entry into the even-odd writing prompt. I am wondering if the word `them` is better used than `him` in the 3rd to last line. I maybe missing something. Good work.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2023
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a fun (sort of) entry into the even-odd writing prompt. I am wondering if the word `them` is better used than `him` in the 3rd to last line. I maybe missing something. Good work.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2023
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Thanks Kaiku, I looked into that line, but what I was tryin to say, and it is hard with so few syllables, is that they were showing him grattitude for the food and showing kindness. That his shyness was making him look like he was a bit of a snob before that. So when Jude figured it out that he might have been part of the problem, then he changed too.
And my point in this is, that in every oppurtunity, there might be things that are not always understood. You can?t fight hatred with hatred.
Does that line make a little more sense now? That they were thanking him? If not, I might change it, because I do love feedback and it is easier for the reader to be objective. Thanks for your awesome review and comments, my friend?
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Perfect. Thanks.
Comment from Sandra Nelms-Ludwig
This is a good entry to the Even the Odds contest. The text is a great size. The spacing of the text in the poem box is well-done. The message is clearly stated and easy to understand. This is a poem that could be easily shared in a classroom to make students think about the negative impact of bullying.
The visual fits perfectly. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2023
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This is a good entry to the Even the Odds contest. The text is a great size. The spacing of the text in the poem box is well-done. The message is clearly stated and easy to understand. This is a poem that could be easily shared in a classroom to make students think about the negative impact of bullying.
The visual fits perfectly. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2023
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Thanks Sandra, I sure appreciated your kind comments. Some didn?t understand that Jude?s shyness was making him look like he was a bit of a snob before that. So when Jude figured it out that he might have been part of the problem, then he changed too.
And my point in this is, that in every oppurtunity, there might be things that are not always understood. You can?t fight hatred with hatred.
We always blame the bullies, and rightfully so, but should always look that it?s like no fault insurance. lol.. You bear some of the responsibilty by being there, and maybe and only maybe can you turn bullies around better if not always pointing the finger. As a teacher of special ed children, I saw this more than one would realize. And you wouldn?t believe how many times there were things all the way around that changed the problem.
I?m only sharing that long story with you because I know you also were a teacher. And I hold you in the highest regard!
Thanks for your awesome review and comments, my sweet friend?
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I agree with you !00%. There is never a one size solution in dealing with problematic/troubled kids. There's a lot of trial and error done. You are welcome for the review.
Comment from Ricky1024
"Hey Jude" was well written rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
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Thanks for sharing this and good luck with your contest entry.
Doctor Ricky
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2023
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"Hey Jude" was well written rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
...
Thanks for sharing this and good luck with your contest entry.
Doctor Ricky
Comment Written 25-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2023
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Hi Ricky, I thank you so very much for your kindness for my Hey Jude Poem, and always being so thoughtful in your reviews. Your kind words are always so appreciated.
Comment from Pantygynt
A humorous treatment of the challenge perhaps but one that nevertheless meets all the requirements of he contents. Althogh rhyme was not a requirement your choice of monorhyme added a laugh to the piece.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2023
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A humorous treatment of the challenge perhaps but one that nevertheless meets all the requirements of he contents. Althogh rhyme was not a requirement your choice of monorhyme added a laugh to the piece.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2023
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Hi Pantygynt, I thank you so very much for your kindness for my Hey Jude Poem. Your kind words are always so appreciated.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Nice artwork and presentation.
-You did a good job with the form and topic.
-Effective imagery and rhyme.
-You do a good job showing how Jude was ridiculed,
but he seemed to be aware that his shyness might
have been the problem the other kids didn't understand.
-It's good that he was able to get them to understand
by sharing with them.
-A good entry; good luck.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2023
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-Nice artwork and presentation.
-You did a good job with the form and topic.
-Effective imagery and rhyme.
-You do a good job showing how Jude was ridiculed,
but he seemed to be aware that his shyness might
have been the problem the other kids didn't understand.
-It's good that he was able to get them to understand
by sharing with them.
-A good entry; good luck.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2023
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Hi Pam, This was an awesome contest you started. I thank you so very much for your kindness for my Hey Jude Poem, and always being so thoughtful in your reviews. Your kind words are always so appreciated.
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You are very welcome, and I appreciate your reply and comments about the contest. I have always liked this form and was glad I shared it.
Comment from Boogienights
Well done, a great story of how a victim of bullying, turned things around with an offering of kindness. I wish it was like that in the real world, but sadly it was not. This is a good contest entry, best of luck.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2023
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Well done, a great story of how a victim of bullying, turned things around with an offering of kindness. I wish it was like that in the real world, but sadly it was not. This is a good contest entry, best of luck.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2023
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Thank you Sharon. I agree and think it is time for all to work harder at getting along instead of hurting each other.
Comment from jenintorre
I really like this poem and think it is a great entry for the competition. Very clever rhyming and well chosen artwork and presentation. Good luck and Best wishes. Jen.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2023
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I really like this poem and think it is a great entry for the competition. Very clever rhyming and well chosen artwork and presentation. Good luck and Best wishes. Jen.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2023
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Hi Jen, I thank you so very much for your kindness for my Hey Jude Poem, and always being so thoughtful in your reviews. Your kind words are always so appreciated.
Comment from Wendy G
Ah, that's good when it works out that way. Your poem is a clever one, containing a story to honour the format and requirements. Added to that, an almost perfect monorhyme! Well done. Best wishes for the contest.
Wendy
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2023
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Ah, that's good when it works out that way. Your poem is a clever one, containing a story to honour the format and requirements. Added to that, an almost perfect monorhyme! Well done. Best wishes for the contest.
Wendy
Comment Written 24-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2023
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Awe thank you Wendy, and I wasn?t that happy with an idea that someone wanted me to try with the word feud in the second to last line, and now it is perfect rhymes again. Thanks for all of your kind words!
