Ancient Art of Poetry
Viewing comments for Prologue "Ghost of Mother "A compilation of poems
15 total reviews
Comment from Boogienights
I'm sorry that this was your experience. My mother was just the opposite, but very clingy and over protective. That can be bad as well. I like your poem, it makes you stop and think.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2023
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I'm sorry that this was your experience. My mother was just the opposite, but very clingy and over protective. That can be bad as well. I like your poem, it makes you stop and think.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2023
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Thank you so much for your review and your kind comments. Yeah people come in all shapes and sizes and behaviors do they not? One is unattentive and the other is over attentive both are recipes for potential disaster.
So for your amazing insight and for your time I am most grateful hope you have a great night!
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Excellent senryu, about child abuse. Unfortunately this happens a lot. I'm sorry it happened to you and your siblings.
Your poem is not a haiku. Senryu deals with human experience and haiku with nature.
Your poem improve the flow. With haiku you don't use punctuation, only a dash before the last line.
Good luck in the contest!!
children frowned and run
from abusive mom's husband --
mother's children gone
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2023
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Excellent senryu, about child abuse. Unfortunately this happens a lot. I'm sorry it happened to you and your siblings.
Your poem is not a haiku. Senryu deals with human experience and haiku with nature.
Your poem improve the flow. With haiku you don't use punctuation, only a dash before the last line.
Good luck in the contest!!
children frowned and run
from abusive mom's husband --
mother's children gone
Comment Written 13-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2023
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Thank you so much tipsy I really appreciate your time and your review. It needs a lot and I will go ahead and make those corrections because I am credit a new person behind the pen so anything you have to tell me. I'm greatly appreciating it so have a great day thank you!
Comment from Terry Broxson
For only a few words, you said a lot. That is the beauty of the haiku. Your haiku implies some strong emotion. I have one question. Did you mean, Children of Mother Gone, or as you wrote it? But either way, lots of meaning, good luck in the contest, Well done. Terry.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2023
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For only a few words, you said a lot. That is the beauty of the haiku. Your haiku implies some strong emotion. I have one question. Did you mean, Children of Mother Gone, or as you wrote it? But either way, lots of meaning, good luck in the contest, Well done. Terry.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2023
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Thank you so much for another snatching review for your time and for your comments and for your insight. You are most valuable and welcome here thank you very much! Basically I am the child of the mother who's gone. Thank you again I have a great day!
Comment from pome lover
A distressing memory of your mother. You didn't say, but I hope your father wasn't abusive. A painful post, I feel sure.
Im sorry for that experience.
Katharine
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2023
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A distressing memory of your mother. You didn't say, but I hope your father wasn't abusive. A painful post, I feel sure.
Im sorry for that experience.
Katharine
Comment Written 13-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2023
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Thank you Katherine I appreciate your review and your comments very kind Yes unfortunately It was a? Part. Of my life? Growing up and my mother did not protect us at all still so do you have more fun with her friends instead. However valuable lessons were learned in that way of growing up I learned what not to do. Today I feel The Onion by writing the healthiest thing. I can think of thank you very much for your insight and your kind words and touched by it all and I hope your day is fabulous!
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Thank you, Lea. I hope yours is, too!
Katharine
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
A very sad verse with striking image. The neglect felt in those dismissive words would inevitably instil over time negative emotions, as in the notes, of shame and guilt. Children always blame themselves because they put parents/adults on a pedestal (Stockholm syndrome). So much poignancy conveyed in so few words. Well done! Debbie
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2023
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A very sad verse with striking image. The neglect felt in those dismissive words would inevitably instil over time negative emotions, as in the notes, of shame and guilt. Children always blame themselves because they put parents/adults on a pedestal (Stockholm syndrome). So much poignancy conveyed in so few words. Well done! Debbie
Comment Written 11-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2023
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Thank you so much Debbie for your kind review. I really appreciate it and for all of your Time and effort as well especially for your insight I hope you have a great evening thanks again!
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
Very thoughtful writing and sharing, of something very personal and emotional to you. I tried to relate in any way I could. My father's mother died when he was five.he lived with the feeling of loss, into his late 90s. I will read this again and again. Much like the onion you describe, I sometimes have to read something several times to makes as many connections as I can. Good writing! :))
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2023
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Very thoughtful writing and sharing, of something very personal and emotional to you. I tried to relate in any way I could. My father's mother died when he was five.he lived with the feeling of loss, into his late 90s. I will read this again and again. Much like the onion you describe, I sometimes have to read something several times to makes as many connections as I can. Good writing! :))
Comment Written 10-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2023
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Thank you Alexandra! For your insight as always. For your review, for your time and and review Thank you!
Comment from kiwisteveh
I'm sorry but I think the short form has got the better of you on this occasion. I can't make any sense of this at all, despite the clues in your sub-title and notes and title!
I really can't tell who is speaking in the first line and why. Or who is frowning, who is remaining, why it is inconvenient (a very weak word for what you seem to be saying is a traumatic event). To cap it all off 'Child of Mothers' doesn't make sense either.
I wouldn't normally give a three-star review which is why I have tried to explain my reasons as clearly as I can. I wish you well with your future writing.
Steve
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reply by the author on 10-Apr-2023
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I'm sorry but I think the short form has got the better of you on this occasion. I can't make any sense of this at all, despite the clues in your sub-title and notes and title!
I really can't tell who is speaking in the first line and why. Or who is frowning, who is remaining, why it is inconvenient (a very weak word for what you seem to be saying is a traumatic event). To cap it all off 'Child of Mothers' doesn't make sense either.
I wouldn't normally give a three-star review which is why I have tried to explain my reasons as clearly as I can. I wish you well with your future writing.
Steve
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2023
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This is about my mother who didn't like to be around. Quite simple really. I'm sorry you didn't like it.
Comment from karenina
While I find your author's notes very interesting, I could make an argument for letting your powerful haiku stand on its own merit. The Haiku is a challenge--to crystalize an image or scene in 17 syllables...
You do that! Trust the strength of your words and let the reader discern the meaning!
(And again, I think you have some "prose" waiting to blossom onto the page!)
Karenina
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2023
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While I find your author's notes very interesting, I could make an argument for letting your powerful haiku stand on its own merit. The Haiku is a challenge--to crystalize an image or scene in 17 syllables...
You do that! Trust the strength of your words and let the reader discern the meaning!
(And again, I think you have some "prose" waiting to blossom onto the page!)
Karenina
Comment Written 08-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2023
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You've convinced me! I'm going to try some prose and see how it goes! And I think you are absolutely right I should just let the word stand on its own. Thank you again
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I suggest you watch out for "flash fiction" and give those a try! The discipline in having to keep something at a specific word count is very good...
You'll find that you'll write...and then edit, remove some of those "onion skins" you've referenced...and cull down tot he bare essence.
I know I enjoy them...when I try prose, it's almost always flash or "dribble flash" (which is usually just fifty short words!
(Note: Do NOT rely on the on-site word count...run it through your WORD to be sure!)
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Good to know thank you so much for that tip...really appreciate that!
Certainly I'm gonna throw my own program. I have a lovely HP computer touch screen very handy.
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Me too! The word count on mine is perfect!
Comment from Kaiku
a kind of creepy picture but also rather cool too. second line is only 6 syllables; 5 and 1 You have 5-6-5 I certainly agree with your assessment of guilt and shame. Difficult burdens to unload.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2023
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a kind of creepy picture but also rather cool too. second line is only 6 syllables; 5 and 1 You have 5-6-5 I certainly agree with your assessment of guilt and shame. Difficult burdens to unload.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2023
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Hi Kiki thank you so much for your kind review she is a little creepy looking isn't she? She does seem kind of ghostly to me she just sort of drifted in and crafted out. Thank you for the tip I'm gonna go ahead and fix that right now I appreciate your effort and your thoughts. Have a wonderful day!
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right on
Comment from Ricky1024
"Child of Mother's Game" was a well written Haiku, rich in theme and imagery.
It also, read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
Thanks for sharing this and good luck with your contest entry.
Doctor Ricky
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2023
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"Child of Mother's Game" was a well written Haiku, rich in theme and imagery.
It also, read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
Thanks for sharing this and good luck with your contest entry.
Doctor Ricky
Comment Written 23-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2023
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Thank you doctor Ricky for taking the time and looking at this I appreciate your input has always been thank you very much!
