Baseball Socks and Cleats
Getting ready for the game32 total reviews
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
It is excellent, and unusual, that you managed to tell a proper series of events in only fifty words. In addition your story had the benefit that your characters came across as well fleshed out, distinct from each other. kay
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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It is excellent, and unusual, that you managed to tell a proper series of events in only fifty words. In addition your story had the benefit that your characters came across as well fleshed out, distinct from each other. kay
Comment Written 14-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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Thank you,Kay. I appreciate you kind review.
Comment from LJbutterfly
You did an excellent job with this short, short story. The dialogue was so realistic, I felt like I was in the room with Rebecca and her husband. Sam sounds like the typical young boy, dependent on parents for everything. Great story. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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You did an excellent job with this short, short story. The dialogue was so realistic, I felt like I was in the room with Rebecca and her husband. Sam sounds like the typical young boy, dependent on parents for everything. Great story. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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Thank you for stopping to read and comment, I appreciate it.
This is a real, real, short synopsis of the first chapter to a baseball book I?m writing.
Thanks again.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Not my kids, but it sounds typical of stories of others. My kids laid out stuff the night before. (I've always done that. Still do.)
But would Sam be on a team that wore pink socks? Well, maybe. Forget i asked.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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Not my kids, but it sounds typical of stories of others. My kids laid out stuff the night before. (I've always done that. Still do.)
But would Sam be on a team that wore pink socks? Well, maybe. Forget i asked.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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This is a real, real brief synopsis of the opening chapter to a baseball story I?m writing. Sam is short for Samantha.
Thanks for reading.
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I had an inkling.
I'll enjoy reading it.
Comment from jessizero
This was cute! I got a laugh out of it. I tend to lose things, too, and it's always my mom who knows exactly where they are. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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This was cute! I got a laugh out of it. I tend to lose things, too, and it's always my mom who knows exactly where they are. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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Thank you, Jessi for a great review. Always appreciated.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Nice image and story to go with it.
-I like how you show a typical morning of this family
without telling everything that happened and let
the dialogue develop the story.
-It is a hectic morning that probably repeats often.
-Kids need to get ready for school and can't find
anything because mom or dad straightened things up.
-Then there is the one who stays in bed and
has to be reminded to eat breakfast!
-Well done. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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-Nice image and story to go with it.
-I like how you show a typical morning of this family
without telling everything that happened and let
the dialogue develop the story.
-It is a hectic morning that probably repeats often.
-Kids need to get ready for school and can't find
anything because mom or dad straightened things up.
-Then there is the one who stays in bed and
has to be reminded to eat breakfast!
-Well done. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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Thank you, Pam. I appreciate your stopping by to read and review.
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You are very welcome.
Comment from Lobber
Hi,
I may be old fashioned, but I thought a story has a beginning, middle, end and a conflict or transition. Perhaps this is it: )Dad shook his head. "The mental gymnastics this kid puts us through.".( . . . ?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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Hi,
I may be old fashioned, but I thought a story has a beginning, middle, end and a conflict or transition. Perhaps this is it: )Dad shook his head. "The mental gymnastics this kid puts us through.".( . . . ?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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Wow. Thank you for stopping by and for a great review. Three stars are appreciated with all the suggestions provided.
Comment from LisaMay
Your dialogue brief story is a recognizably accurate scenario to many, who will grin or grimace at its authenticity.
Oh the joys of parenthood, keeping track of items for youngsters who don't look properly (and who don't help with putting away the washing or fixing breakfast).
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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Your dialogue brief story is a recognizably accurate scenario to many, who will grin or grimace at its authenticity.
Oh the joys of parenthood, keeping track of items for youngsters who don't look properly (and who don't help with putting away the washing or fixing breakfast).
Comment Written 14-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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Thank you, Lisa.
Much appreciated review.
Comment from Mark Kuglin
I applaud your effort but unfortunately this doesn't work as a short piece. In it's current length, it is a telling of a frequently occurring event. There's no twist, a surprise or an unexpected ending.
I do want to suggest, I think this would be a good lead in for a much longer story.
Ex:
What makes Sam's search different or unique?
How does the end of the search affect all three?
Why should the reader be interested in Sam's search?
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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I applaud your effort but unfortunately this doesn't work as a short piece. In it's current length, it is a telling of a frequently occurring event. There's no twist, a surprise or an unexpected ending.
I do want to suggest, I think this would be a good lead in for a much longer story.
Ex:
What makes Sam's search different or unique?
How does the end of the search affect all three?
Why should the reader be interested in Sam's search?
Comment Written 14-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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Thank you, Mark for reading and your honesty in the review. I understand your points as they relate to a 50 word challenge.
This is actually a very short first chapter synopsis to a baseball book I?m writing. If you have ten minutes, would you be willing to read it and let me know if I?m on the right track? I could email it to you.
If you can?t, I fully understand.
But again, thank you for shedding some light on this post and points I need to solidify.
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Thank you for your follow up.
I "was" on the right track.
I'd be happy to read it.
After the contest, we can exchange emails in a PM.
I don't want to post my email address in an open forum.
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Agreed. Thank you.
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:)
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I know that feeling and this rings a bell every morning before my Grandkids go to school, trying to remember their football kit and all the trimmings, and no time for breakfast! Much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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I know that feeling and this rings a bell every morning before my Grandkids go to school, trying to remember their football kit and all the trimmings, and no time for breakfast! Much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 14-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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Dolly, thank you for reading and sharing. I like your "football kit and all the trimmings" remark,
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Yes we call it kit here, glad you found that funny x x x
Comment from KjSilver
I like this short and sweet. There is no way to write a story in 50 words. I think they mean a scene. Your scene is great and I feel the angst of the child and parents. Well done.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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I like this short and sweet. There is no way to write a story in 50 words. I think they mean a scene. Your scene is great and I feel the angst of the child and parents. Well done.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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Thank you KJ. I appreciate your stopping by.
