The New World Lottery
When winning isn't good15 total reviews
Comment from karenina
Not just a pro at poetry? Hmmm. I've been remiss! You are a pro at (wait for it...) PROSE!
From the first sentence to last you had me hooked. I confess I've had the same dreary thoughts and wondered if this fine world would miss one such as me...
I am too much fo a coward to do the deed ~ though five members of my family have and it's quite the dysfunctional (non)-coping mechanism.
We wish for "relief" and oh, dear Lord, we may yet get it!
WHAT A STORY!
Absolutely see why this was the contest winner ~ now, with this review, can we get it "Recognized?"
(We'll see, won't we?)
Karenina
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2023
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Not just a pro at poetry? Hmmm. I've been remiss! You are a pro at (wait for it...) PROSE!
From the first sentence to last you had me hooked. I confess I've had the same dreary thoughts and wondered if this fine world would miss one such as me...
I am too much fo a coward to do the deed ~ though five members of my family have and it's quite the dysfunctional (non)-coping mechanism.
We wish for "relief" and oh, dear Lord, we may yet get it!
WHAT A STORY!
Absolutely see why this was the contest winner ~ now, with this review, can we get it "Recognized?"
(We'll see, won't we?)
Karenina
Comment Written 09-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2023
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Thank you so much.
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Fun!
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
This was an absolute amazing story, scary, and I'm not buying any more lottery tickets!! You thoroughly deserved this win, Yvonne, I'm glad I found it. You are getting so good at prose, how about you continue that one you sent me the first chapters of? I know you can do it, look at this story! Amazing! I'm so proud of you. Now, take a lesson from this story of yours, you mustn't be thinking of the naughty word again, you don't want to be awarded that wish! I'm dead impressed, dear SATP! Well done and congratulations. xxxxx Sandra xx
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2023
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This was an absolute amazing story, scary, and I'm not buying any more lottery tickets!! You thoroughly deserved this win, Yvonne, I'm glad I found it. You are getting so good at prose, how about you continue that one you sent me the first chapters of? I know you can do it, look at this story! Amazing! I'm so proud of you. Now, take a lesson from this story of yours, you mustn't be thinking of the naughty word again, you don't want to be awarded that wish! I'm dead impressed, dear SATP! Well done and congratulations. xxxxx Sandra xx
Comment Written 09-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2023
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WOW! Thank you. Coming from such a wonderful writer as you, it means a lot! Thank you, dearest sister.
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You must write more pros, you are a very talented poet, let's make it a double whammy! Although you are already a talented prose writer! 🥰🥰🥰
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Bless your heart. 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is a poignant write and be very careful what you wish for in life. We sometimes flippantly suggest that we will take our own life, but really we have no intention of doing so. Winning the lottery is such a slim chance and I always think that if you are that lucky, you could also be equally unlucky and get a terrible disease or something, so I would rather just not be picked at all! You entertained me here, a great story line with a surprising ending, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2023
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This is a poignant write and be very careful what you wish for in life. We sometimes flippantly suggest that we will take our own life, but really we have no intention of doing so. Winning the lottery is such a slim chance and I always think that if you are that lucky, you could also be equally unlucky and get a terrible disease or something, so I would rather just not be picked at all! You entertained me here, a great story line with a surprising ending, love Dolly x
Comment Written 17-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2023
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Thank you.
Comment from jacquelyn popp
Interesting and intriguing story. Very well written . Nicely done. Looking forward to more of this story if you add more to it. Sounds like a bit scary towards the end of it when they ask how would you like to die. Good contest entry. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2023
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Interesting and intriguing story. Very well written . Nicely done. Looking forward to more of this story if you add more to it. Sounds like a bit scary towards the end of it when they ask how would you like to die. Good contest entry. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2023
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Thank you.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
What a cool twist. And very well written. Good work.
And who says you never win anything?
Good luck in the contest. Your heirs will be delighted.
(smiley face here)
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2023
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What a cool twist. And very well written. Good work.
And who says you never win anything?
Good luck in the contest. Your heirs will be delighted.
(smiley face here)
Comment Written 16-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2023
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Thank you!
Comment from LJbutterfly
Your Lottery contest entry is both intriguing and frightening. It was clever, the way you built mystery into the story by describing the activities of the protagonist during the waiting period before the lottery winning announcement. The moral to the story...Be careful what you wish for. Your story also shows the downside of negative thinking. The irony is, the protagonist said she would never win. She won. Your story has a powerful message. Best wishes in the contest.
Notes: Seemed reasonable me at the time, (reasonable TO me)
It might have been good time (It might have been A good time)
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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Your Lottery contest entry is both intriguing and frightening. It was clever, the way you built mystery into the story by describing the activities of the protagonist during the waiting period before the lottery winning announcement. The moral to the story...Be careful what you wish for. Your story also shows the downside of negative thinking. The irony is, the protagonist said she would never win. She won. Your story has a powerful message. Best wishes in the contest.
Notes: Seemed reasonable me at the time, (reasonable TO me)
It might have been good time (It might have been A good time)
Comment Written 14-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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Thank you for reviewing, and for pointing out the boo-boos.
Comment from Malcolm Rothery
Excellent story that keeps you guessing right to the end. There are just a couple of things that need changing:
'Seemed reasonable me at the...' should be '..to me...'
'wouldn't do that too a helpless animal' should be to not too.
Good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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Excellent story that keeps you guessing right to the end. There are just a couple of things that need changing:
'Seemed reasonable me at the...' should be '..to me...'
'wouldn't do that too a helpless animal' should be to not too.
Good luck in the contest
Comment Written 14-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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Thank for reviewing, and for the heads-up.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
This is a super piece. The concept is good and it's really well worked out. The pacing is also excellent.
Seemed reasonable me at the time, - to me.
Might as well try it for once. What did I have to lose.- I would have a ? after lose
Lately, it seems disappointments are all there is.- thi is slightly off grammatically. Either disappointments are all there are, or disappointment is all there is.
and I wouldn't do that too a helpless animal. - to.
The conversational tone of it belies the ending which is a great bit of masking but you can see the logic all the way through and it's a piece where the reader is pleasantly surprised rather than having the rug pulled out from beneath them with no hinting or foreshadowing.
Very nice
G
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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Hi there,
This is a super piece. The concept is good and it's really well worked out. The pacing is also excellent.
Seemed reasonable me at the time, - to me.
Might as well try it for once. What did I have to lose.- I would have a ? after lose
Lately, it seems disappointments are all there is.- thi is slightly off grammatically. Either disappointments are all there are, or disappointment is all there is.
and I wouldn't do that too a helpless animal. - to.
The conversational tone of it belies the ending which is a great bit of masking but you can see the logic all the way through and it's a piece where the reader is pleasantly surprised rather than having the rug pulled out from beneath them with no hinting or foreshadowing.
Very nice
G
Comment Written 14-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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You don't know what this review means to me coming from you. I will attend to those corrections now. I'm so happy you like it. I was afraid it was too wimpy. Thank you so much!!!!!
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your contest entry read well, Mystery Author. I was engaged
from start to finish. I liked the tome of the woman in the story.
It sounded natural. She made her days and nights seem dreary
and wished for something better she knew wouldn't be in the
picture. I liked the way she used the calendar to mark the
progression of time throughout the story. Your words were well
thought out and had smooth flow. Readers could understand her
thoughts easily. She perked up with her desire to live after being
notified she was the winner, However, the scene that greeted her
wasn't at all what she pictured. I liked the way you ended by letting
readers wonder what the outcome would be.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes in the contest, Jan
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2023
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Your contest entry read well, Mystery Author. I was engaged
from start to finish. I liked the tome of the woman in the story.
It sounded natural. She made her days and nights seem dreary
and wished for something better she knew wouldn't be in the
picture. I liked the way she used the calendar to mark the
progression of time throughout the story. Your words were well
thought out and had smooth flow. Readers could understand her
thoughts easily. She perked up with her desire to live after being
notified she was the winner, However, the scene that greeted her
wasn't at all what she pictured. I liked the way you ended by letting
readers wonder what the outcome would be.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes in the contest, Jan
Comment Written 13-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2023
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Thank you so much for a wonderful review!
Comment from JT traveller
I read another similar story, most likely written by yourself, about, "The Lottery", and thoroughly enjoyed it. I'm guessing this is the next dystopian chapter.
I loved it. Best of luck in the competition. Your unique way of thinking and expressing yourself, in my personal opinion, makes your work stand out!
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2023
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I read another similar story, most likely written by yourself, about, "The Lottery", and thoroughly enjoyed it. I'm guessing this is the next dystopian chapter.
I loved it. Best of luck in the competition. Your unique way of thinking and expressing yourself, in my personal opinion, makes your work stand out!
Comment Written 13-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2023
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Thank you for such a the lovely remark.
