Lost At Sea
One man's journey.30 total reviews
Comment from susand3022
I love that you did this! It was really good! What a mind game... totally unexpected.
I love the way you came out with the fact that he was a dentist... I was wondering why he'd be thinking about teeth and breath as a pirate. Well, maybe breath as nobody could really avoid it. Yuk!
It made so much sense when he 'woke up'.
Well done.
Susan :)
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2023
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I love that you did this! It was really good! What a mind game... totally unexpected.
I love the way you came out with the fact that he was a dentist... I was wondering why he'd be thinking about teeth and breath as a pirate. Well, maybe breath as nobody could really avoid it. Yuk!
It made so much sense when he 'woke up'.
Well done.
Susan :)
Comment Written 24-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2023
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Thank you. This one was fun!
Comment from Ben Colder
I think I have encountered a good read about Pirates on the high seas. Those must have been the days. I watch today as some companies are finding gold coins in old shipwrecks. Quiet interesting. Thanks for sharing your talent.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2023
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I think I have encountered a good read about Pirates on the high seas. Those must have been the days. I watch today as some companies are finding gold coins in old shipwrecks. Quiet interesting. Thanks for sharing your talent.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2023
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Except there was no pirates or high seas?..nenunenuneuneu
(Twilight zone music.)
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I enjoyed this. I'd started to critique it early on and then realised something was a little off. lol
I would hyphenate gold-rimmed, but other than that this is an entertaining and enjoyable read.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2023
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Hi there,
I enjoyed this. I'd started to critique it early on and then realised something was a little off. lol
I would hyphenate gold-rimmed, but other than that this is an entertaining and enjoyable read.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 21-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2023
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Thank you GMG. I think this one turned out well!
Comment from pome lover
well, they were right to advise you to pursue it. What a story! I totally did not expect the ending. Of course I hated that he killed his innocent children. shudder! but the story as a whole sounded nautically authentic and was a rollicking pirate story until ...
Good imagination and creative character. And the end was a perfect answer to the title of the contest! muy bueno!
Katharine
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2023
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well, they were right to advise you to pursue it. What a story! I totally did not expect the ending. Of course I hated that he killed his innocent children. shudder! but the story as a whole sounded nautically authentic and was a rollicking pirate story until ...
Good imagination and creative character. And the end was a perfect answer to the title of the contest! muy bueno!
Katharine
Comment Written 20-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2023
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Thank you! This one turned out well!
Comment from dmt1967
He and his crew (had) spent the previous spring raiding several fat European merchant ships. He (had) used his ill-gotten gains to trade in his sloop for the Whirlpool. (delete)
Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing. Have a great weekend.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2023
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He and his crew (had) spent the previous spring raiding several fat European merchant ships. He (had) used his ill-gotten gains to trade in his sloop for the Whirlpool. (delete)
Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing. Have a great weekend.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2023
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Thank you! This was very helpful!
Comment from JT traveller
Such vivid imagery you have created. It is a most impressive piece of prose. To complete the picture, what an unexpected ending! Wow. I did not see that coming. You truly have a way with words. Keep up the good work.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2023
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Such vivid imagery you have created. It is a most impressive piece of prose. To complete the picture, what an unexpected ending! Wow. I did not see that coming. You truly have a way with words. Keep up the good work.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much, Jacqueline. I love your name by the way. This piece turned out well!
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It certainly did! Excellent writing. Have a great day ☺️
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Should "all ten cannon" not be all ten cannons since you are talking about more than one of them?
Seems he picked on the wrong ship to pirate raid.
Appears the dentist needs to be in a straight jacket and kept alone as his mind is obviously fried.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2023
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Should "all ten cannon" not be all ten cannons since you are talking about more than one of them?
Seems he picked on the wrong ship to pirate raid.
Appears the dentist needs to be in a straight jacket and kept alone as his mind is obviously fried.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2023
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Yes, cannon is the old English plural and used by the military. It can be either or. Hope you enjoyed this!
Comment from Mary Vigasin
I found this an interesting and a well written story. First I was wondering what does the interest in teeth has to do with the story until the surprising reveal. Also using the name of Andrea Doria from the singing of this Italian luxury line. I found it a fascinating and enjoyable read.
Good luck in the contest.
Mary
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2023
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I found this an interesting and a well written story. First I was wondering what does the interest in teeth has to do with the story until the surprising reveal. Also using the name of Andrea Doria from the singing of this Italian luxury line. I found it a fascinating and enjoyable read.
Good luck in the contest.
Mary
Comment Written 19-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2023
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You are the first to catch that, Although the Andrea Dora was also a ship that sank laddened with silver and gold. Thanks for the review!
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The liner was not singing, it was sinking!
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Ha!
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
I believe I enjoyed this as much as I did because I recently wrote an essay on pirates and understood the story behind the story. It made for an even more interesting read for me, personally.
You really know your ships - very impressive. Either you did a lot of research, or you were a pirate sailing the high seas in another life:-)
The line, "No, your John Charles Sanders, a dentist from Philly," - change your to you're
Well, I wondered about the obsession with teeth - now I get it, lol!
This is so creative, and I never saw the twist coming. That last line though - "utterly and completely lost and alone in the sea of his delusional mind."
Awesome write!
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2023
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I believe I enjoyed this as much as I did because I recently wrote an essay on pirates and understood the story behind the story. It made for an even more interesting read for me, personally.
You really know your ships - very impressive. Either you did a lot of research, or you were a pirate sailing the high seas in another life:-)
The line, "No, your John Charles Sanders, a dentist from Philly," - change your to you're
Well, I wondered about the obsession with teeth - now I get it, lol!
This is so creative, and I never saw the twist coming. That last line though - "utterly and completely lost and alone in the sea of his delusional mind."
Awesome write!
Comment Written 19-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2023
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Thank you, beautiful lady! I really appreciate your kind words and great review. Yes, the teeth were the biggest clue that the pirate was actually from our century. I doubt I was a pirate, as I have been a lawman my whole current life, but I love the tales. Thank you, Pam!
Comment from lyenochka
Wow, what a ride you took us on. At first, I was worried that it would all be on the high seas, and I'd get seasick because of all the naval terminology. But then the gingivitis comment got me wondering how such a pirate would know such a term and then the reality of the situation made it clear. Clever to use "ladron" for the wife-stealing pirate! Lol. Best wishes in the contest!
Question:
I wonder if cannon isn't supposed to be in the plural form below and in other places. You were pretty consistent so is there a naval rule that overrides the grammar one?
All ten cannon (cannons)
five starboard cannon (cannons)
"No, your John Charles Sanders (you're)
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2023
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Wow, what a ride you took us on. At first, I was worried that it would all be on the high seas, and I'd get seasick because of all the naval terminology. But then the gingivitis comment got me wondering how such a pirate would know such a term and then the reality of the situation made it clear. Clever to use "ladron" for the wife-stealing pirate! Lol. Best wishes in the contest!
Question:
I wonder if cannon isn't supposed to be in the plural form below and in other places. You were pretty consistent so is there a naval rule that overrides the grammar one?
All ten cannon (cannons)
five starboard cannon (cannons)
"No, your John Charles Sanders (you're)
Comment Written 19-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2023
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You were the first to catch the 'Ladron' meaning. Yes, it can be cannon or cannons. I went with how the military termed it. Thanks for your awesome review. The teeth issues were a huge clue that the main character was from our century. Nice pick-up. Thank you for the review, my friend. Your visits are ALWAYS appreciated!