Raven - part i
a first encounter32 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
Well, this answers my question, "Where the hell has Gareth gone? At least an interim answer: "Nowhere. He's here: he and his raven." Are you back for just a visit? Or are you here for a spell? I've missed you, my friend.
You've got a good story started here. The raven lingers just on the borders of consciousness. He's there, but we don't know yet in what capacity. I'll be waiting for part two.
Jay
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2023
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Well, this answers my question, "Where the hell has Gareth gone? At least an interim answer: "Nowhere. He's here: he and his raven." Are you back for just a visit? Or are you here for a spell? I've missed you, my friend.
You've got a good story started here. The raven lingers just on the borders of consciousness. He's there, but we don't know yet in what capacity. I'll be waiting for part two.
Jay
Comment Written 06-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2023
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Many thanks, Jay. I've been busy with work and study but I'm hoping to have more time this year. All the best G
Comment from BethShelby
This sounds like the beginning of very intriguing story. I guess in order to read more and know when you post another chapter, i will need to become you fan, so that is what I will do.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2023
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This sounds like the beginning of very intriguing story. I guess in order to read more and know when you post another chapter, i will need to become you fan, so that is what I will do.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2023
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Many thanks for checking this one out. I very much appreciate it. GMG
Comment from Jim Wile
Very good start to this story. Already I'm hooked on the many mysteries posed by the first chapter. Why is he in jail? Why is the raven so attracted to him? What's the mystery of the woman he is trying to forget? What did he see in that cottage, as your excellent description of it made it sound quite dilapidated. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2023
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Very good start to this story. Already I'm hooked on the many mysteries posed by the first chapter. Why is he in jail? Why is the raven so attracted to him? What's the mystery of the woman he is trying to forget? What did he see in that cottage, as your excellent description of it made it sound quite dilapidated. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2023
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Always good for the reader to be asking questions so early on. Many thanks for the great feedback. GMG
Comment from Shirley McLain
I found your story very entertaining to read. I have to wonder what will happen now after reading your introduction. That raven is fascinating. I would give you a six if I had it. Great job. Shirley
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2023
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I found your story very entertaining to read. I have to wonder what will happen now after reading your introduction. That raven is fascinating. I would give you a six if I had it. Great job. Shirley
Comment Written 06-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2023
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Many thanks as always, Shirley. G
Comment from C. Gale Burnett
Yes, I've been sucked in by the artful storytelling and the voice of the narrator. You've piqued my interest regarding both the main character and the significance of the raven. Your descriptive language plants strong images of place and action.
Awesome job. Can't wait to see where your story goes.
Gale
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2023
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Yes, I've been sucked in by the artful storytelling and the voice of the narrator. You've piqued my interest regarding both the main character and the significance of the raven. Your descriptive language plants strong images of place and action.
Awesome job. Can't wait to see where your story goes.
Gale
Comment Written 06-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2023
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Many thanks for the great response, Gale. GMG
Comment from Karyn2
A really compelling beginning! I enjoyed the mystery being established surrounding this bird's appearance on the car and at the window. Was it a sign, an omen, a messenger? The story has me intrigued as to who "she" was and what had transpired to lead to the escape to the deserted house. Your descriptions are fabulous and evocative without being forced and pretentious. I'll certainly look out for more of your writing and part 2!
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2023
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A really compelling beginning! I enjoyed the mystery being established surrounding this bird's appearance on the car and at the window. Was it a sign, an omen, a messenger? The story has me intrigued as to who "she" was and what had transpired to lead to the escape to the deserted house. Your descriptions are fabulous and evocative without being forced and pretentious. I'll certainly look out for more of your writing and part 2!
Comment Written 06-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2023
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Much appreciated, Karyn. G
Comment from John Ciarmello
I loved this story, G! There's something plain about the Raven, yet mystical. They have a commonality we can't yet place a finger on. I'm looking forward to the next part. Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2023
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I loved this story, G! There's something plain about the Raven, yet mystical. They have a commonality we can't yet place a finger on. I'm looking forward to the next part. Best, JohnC
Comment Written 05-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2023
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I have 2 that visit us regularly in the garden and will even knock on the door for food. lol There is something special about these birds. Many thanks for checking this one out John. G
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Ha, I love that they knock on the door for food.
Comment from estory
The compelling, somewhat ominous image of the raven following the narrator around on this journey to the grim cottage grabs our attention and takes us along for the ride. There's a nice sense of suspense building here, great job with the imagination and construction of this opening segment. I like the little hint that this might have something to do with running away from a relationship gone sour. Again, all the details in the descriptions of the dank cottage, the gloom, and that cocky, cheeky raven winking at the narrator made the story come alive. estory
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2023
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The compelling, somewhat ominous image of the raven following the narrator around on this journey to the grim cottage grabs our attention and takes us along for the ride. There's a nice sense of suspense building here, great job with the imagination and construction of this opening segment. I like the little hint that this might have something to do with running away from a relationship gone sour. Again, all the details in the descriptions of the dank cottage, the gloom, and that cocky, cheeky raven winking at the narrator made the story come alive. estory
Comment Written 05-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2023
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Many thanks for the great response to this piece. Trying to deliver on tone, it's so important in shaping a piece that most folk forget about. All the best
G
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
This story is going to be a blinder, Gareth, you've given us so much to think of and try to see which path you'll go with. The description of the two roomed cottage has brought us right through the door. It looks like there will have to be a lot of work to do before the writer can try and get rid of the 'block'. I love the inclusion of the raven, I think they have mystic powers, (truly!) Now I'm wondering why he has come to you, which he obviously has, and is sticking close. There is something going on there.
After you giving me two sixes, I feel awful not having one left for you. I must use them with more care. I'm glad it's a multiple part story, I'm already way into it. Oh, I had a red MGB, and later a blue one. Loved them. Then I had children!!!! Well done, my friend. I look forward to the next part. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2023
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This story is going to be a blinder, Gareth, you've given us so much to think of and try to see which path you'll go with. The description of the two roomed cottage has brought us right through the door. It looks like there will have to be a lot of work to do before the writer can try and get rid of the 'block'. I love the inclusion of the raven, I think they have mystic powers, (truly!) Now I'm wondering why he has come to you, which he obviously has, and is sticking close. There is something going on there.
After you giving me two sixes, I feel awful not having one left for you. I must use them with more care. I'm glad it's a multiple part story, I'm already way into it. Oh, I had a red MGB, and later a blue one. Loved them. Then I had children!!!! Well done, my friend. I look forward to the next part. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 05-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2023
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I love MGBs and it felt right to use it here for some reason! lol Much appreciated, as always, Sandra. G
Comment from Malcolm Rothery
I read this 3 times in an effort to follow the path where your incredible imagination took you, and three times I failed. Hard to admit, but I am not up to writing at this level. You are a natural where I have to force it. I hope I can catch up one of these days. I look forward to the next part.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2023
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I read this 3 times in an effort to follow the path where your incredible imagination took you, and three times I failed. Hard to admit, but I am not up to writing at this level. You are a natural where I have to force it. I hope I can catch up one of these days. I look forward to the next part.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2023
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I've read your work, malcolm, and it's always interesting. I've been doing a lot of thinking about tone recently within my work and setting mood / atmosphere.
ONe exercise I use is to take a photo or picture and imagine it at different times of the year or imagine using it in different story genres and then writing the descriptions whilst trying to build the appropriate tone. It's a great exercise and you can really tart to get a feel for it after a while. It becomes more instinctual over time.
All the best
G
