The Stalker
It is always there.51 total reviews
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
If you are alive and have a conscience, you will have grief. We can use all kinds of things to distract us from it. But it will poke you know and then in spite of that. abut, if you have this often , I hope you see a counselor of some type.
C arrying it so often is not good for you. Love to you and yours. Karen
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024
  |
If you are alive and have a conscience, you will have grief. We can use all kinds of things to distract us from it. But it will poke you know and then in spite of that. abut, if you have this often , I hope you see a counselor of some type.
C arrying it so often is not good for you. Love to you and yours. Karen
Comment Written 30-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024
-
Thank you. Nah, I don't need a counselor. I have worked through all my issues and am doing fine now. Thanks for caring.
Comment from Cindy Decker 2
Author,
This story is a great metaphor for physical pain and/or mental anguish.
It's very descriptive, and I imagine the mental anguish that stalks me sometime.
Great work, author.
Blessings,
Cindy
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2023
|
Author,
This story is a great metaphor for physical pain and/or mental anguish.
It's very descriptive, and I imagine the mental anguish that stalks me sometime.
Great work, author.
Blessings,
Cindy
Comment Written 01-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2023
-
Thank you for reading and commenting. I have experienced severe grief, and this is what it felt like to me.
Hugs
Comment from susand3022
Truer words have perhaps never been spoken, Bluebirds. I know it from first-hand experience how grief can shake you to the core, and sometimes be unforgiving, haunting you in moments you don't expect, catching you off your guard. Yours catches you in your dreams, mine always seems to catch me in my car.
This is a really good short. Very touching.
Happy New Year!
Susan :)
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2022
 |
Truer words have perhaps never been spoken, Bluebirds. I know it from first-hand experience how grief can shake you to the core, and sometimes be unforgiving, haunting you in moments you don't expect, catching you off your guard. Yours catches you in your dreams, mine always seems to catch me in my car.
This is a really good short. Very touching.
Happy New Year!
Susan :)
Comment Written 31-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2022
-
Thank you, and thanks for the six stars. Grief is hard to live with. I have it under control now, but it still tries to sneak up on me at times.
Hugs
Comment from Sanku
Strong imagery and deeply hitting vocabulary. The personification of grief as a stalker is very effective. I was wondering if it was a person .You could hold readers interest to the end
Have a great New Year!
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2022
|
Strong imagery and deeply hitting vocabulary. The personification of grief as a stalker is very effective. I was wondering if it was a person .You could hold readers interest to the end
Have a great New Year!
Comment Written 31-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2022
-
Thank you for reading and commenting. I have suffered intense grief after the loss of my son in 1985. I'm okay now, but this is the way I saw grief.
Hugs
Comment from Chris Davies
This conveys so much emotion and pain. What a terrible way to awaken. Nicely written to get across all those feelings. I'd thank you for sharing, but it left me a little uneasy :-)
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2022
|
This conveys so much emotion and pain. What a terrible way to awaken. Nicely written to get across all those feelings. I'd thank you for sharing, but it left me a little uneasy :-)
Comment Written 31-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2022
-
Thank you for reading and commenting. Grief is not a nice thing to live with. I have been there, and it still stalks me at times.
Hugs
Comment from Helena Cheu
I like that you're using a metaphor to express grief. However, I'm not sure I would know it's about grief if it weren't for the last line. This piece tells the reader what is being felt instead of showing it. In general, it's better to show instead of tell. If this were mine, in the next round of edits I would focus on either the wolf image or the vulture image. I personally LOVE the vulture image to express grief because of its association with circling road kill or animals it thinks are about to die. I would start with a line like "A vulture circles above my head..." By making the vulture literal, I think the piece will be a lot more emotionally effective for the reader and will perhaps lead to interesting plot points. I know this was posted under the "non-fiction" category and I am assessing it like it's fiction, but I think in terms of taking the path of least resistance, it would be easier to go forward in a fiction direction rather than a non-fiction one.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2022
 |
I like that you're using a metaphor to express grief. However, I'm not sure I would know it's about grief if it weren't for the last line. This piece tells the reader what is being felt instead of showing it. In general, it's better to show instead of tell. If this were mine, in the next round of edits I would focus on either the wolf image or the vulture image. I personally LOVE the vulture image to express grief because of its association with circling road kill or animals it thinks are about to die. I would start with a line like "A vulture circles above my head..." By making the vulture literal, I think the piece will be a lot more emotionally effective for the reader and will perhaps lead to interesting plot points. I know this was posted under the "non-fiction" category and I am assessing it like it's fiction, but I think in terms of taking the path of least resistance, it would be easier to go forward in a fiction direction rather than a non-fiction one.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2022
-
Thanks for your input, but I like it just the way it is. The other reviewers gave this writing a lot of six stars, so I would say this is just your personal opinion, which everyone has a right to express.
Comment from amahra
Wow, this was excellently written. It was engaging to the point, I wanted more. I really felt for this tormented soul. You'd do well as a thriller, horror, or mystery novelist. You already have the makings. And have a blessed New Year.
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2022
|
Wow, this was excellently written. It was engaging to the point, I wanted more. I really felt for this tormented soul. You'd do well as a thriller, horror, or mystery novelist. You already have the makings. And have a blessed New Year.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2022
-
Thank you, and thanks for the six stars. The loss of my son in 1985 is
what inspired me to write this story. I have it under control now, but for a long time, I suffered extreme grief. My story tells what it felt like to me.
Hugs
Comment from Celtic Angel
Mood, tone, and chilling personification of grief as a stalker make your work haunting and tangible. We all have demons and can relate to this description. Nicely done!
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2022
|
Mood, tone, and chilling personification of grief as a stalker make your work haunting and tangible. We all have demons and can relate to this description. Nicely done!
Comment Written 31-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2022
-
Thank you. Yes we do all have our own demons to deal with. This story is bout how I felt when I lost my son in 1985. I'm fine now, but it still tries to sneak up on me at times.
Hugs
Comment from Sandra Nelms-Ludwig
This is a powerfully written piece of prose. The text is a great size. The descriptions were vividly written....talons tearing, and beak gouging leaving fresh wounds on my scar-covered body. I was surprised you were describing grief. I thought at first it was a recurring nightmare. However, it being a description of grief makes sense to me. I relive my daughter's death daily. It feels as you described. The visual fits well, and the text is well-written. I typically give 6's for pieces I wished I had penned. This is one of those pieces.
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2022
|
This is a powerfully written piece of prose. The text is a great size. The descriptions were vividly written....talons tearing, and beak gouging leaving fresh wounds on my scar-covered body. I was surprised you were describing grief. I thought at first it was a recurring nightmare. However, it being a description of grief makes sense to me. I relive my daughter's death daily. It feels as you described. The visual fits well, and the text is well-written. I typically give 6's for pieces I wished I had penned. This is one of those pieces.
Comment Written 30-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2022
-
Thank you, and thanks for sharing your story with me. The loss of a child is the worst grief of all. This story is based on the death of my son in 1985. Grief still sneaks up on me sometimes. I will always wonder what he would have been if he could have lived the rest of his life. So, you see, I understand your pain.
Hugs
-
Sorry for your loss. We both are left to winder. My daughter died at age 22 in 2006.
Comment from Earl Corp
This should have been a contest entry. I know it's a story but it read very much like a poem to me. Very nice job. Stay safe and stay healthy in the new year.
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2022
|
This should have been a contest entry. I know it's a story but it read very much like a poem to me. Very nice job. Stay safe and stay healthy in the new year.
Comment Written 30-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2022
-
Thank you. I have never seem a contest the story would have fit in. It is based on the loss of my son in 1985.
Hugs