Death By Murder
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "Death By Murder - Chap 24"A jewel heist, rival gangs and a cold case.
15 total reviews
Comment from eliz100
This is another excellent chapter. You have moved the story along nicely. I do not see any room for improvement. I look forward to the next chapter. Have a blessed day.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2022
  |
This is another excellent chapter. You have moved the story along nicely. I do not see any room for improvement. I look forward to the next chapter. Have a blessed day.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2022
-
Thanks for reading and reviewing. Appreciate it so much.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a sad section as Paddy and Mason are murdered. Peter's control over the crooked cops is creepy as the cops don't seem smart enough to know how aiding Peter means people die.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2022
|
This is a sad section as Paddy and Mason are murdered. Peter's control over the crooked cops is creepy as the cops don't seem smart enough to know how aiding Peter means people die.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2022
-
I was sad to end their lives as well. They'd gotten themselves into a darker territory than they could have imagined. As the writer, I felt it would be too confusing to have everyone in the small town chasing after the diamonds so unfortunately I needed to clear the field a little. Thanks for the review and support.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from LJbutterfly
Noooo! Just as we got to know Mason and Paddy, they're gone. I liked them. They were two sad characters chasing Mason's dream. They beat Rudy up and put him in the hospital for nothing. I wonder what surprises you have in store for us next. See you in the next chapter.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2022
|
Noooo! Just as we got to know Mason and Paddy, they're gone. I liked them. They were two sad characters chasing Mason's dream. They beat Rudy up and put him in the hospital for nothing. I wonder what surprises you have in store for us next. See you in the next chapter.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2022
-
I kind of liked the two bungling boys as well, but I had a difficult time considering how Costello's men, Mason and Paddy, and the cops would meet in the small town of Trenton and race for the jewels. Too confusing for this old mind so I felt I needed to narrow down the field. But never fear, surprises are my specialty. LOL
Smiles, Carol
Comment from karenina
Sugar, Honey, Iced, Tea.
(Think of it as an anacronym)
Carol! I know I said their mental midgets, but did you have to kill them?
I think I'm an accessory before the fact now! I may have to turn myself in!
You and James Patterson... always throwing me off my game! What is it with you talented writers!
Now I'm going to need fictional character grief counseling... GREAT!
On my way to that I have a few suggestions:
"Coincidence would have it, he had friends in the town who spotted the cars."
(Would you consider "AS coincidence would have it..."
How about not capitalizing "general store" in this sentence:
"Came back with information on a General Store robbery"
And how about "dragged" instead of: "He shouldn't have drug him into this crazy plan.."
Just little things that caught my eye, before I was BAWLING because you killed these two dudes off!
(smile)
Karenina
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2022
|
Sugar, Honey, Iced, Tea.
(Think of it as an anacronym)
Carol! I know I said their mental midgets, but did you have to kill them?
I think I'm an accessory before the fact now! I may have to turn myself in!
You and James Patterson... always throwing me off my game! What is it with you talented writers!
Now I'm going to need fictional character grief counseling... GREAT!
On my way to that I have a few suggestions:
"Coincidence would have it, he had friends in the town who spotted the cars."
(Would you consider "AS coincidence would have it..."
How about not capitalizing "general store" in this sentence:
"Came back with information on a General Store robbery"
And how about "dragged" instead of: "He shouldn't have drug him into this crazy plan.."
Just little things that caught my eye, before I was BAWLING because you killed these two dudes off!
(smile)
Karenina
Comment Written 12-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2022
-
I, too, struggled with the notion of killing the two bungling guys, but I feared it would become too confusing to have everyone swarming into Trenton - Lance and Bennie, Mason and Paddy, Bruiser and his crew, and hopefully the law -- all at one time. Small town, eagle eye residents, hard to keep from being noticed.
Good suggestions and I thank you. I'll get to work right away to fix them. Thanks for editing for me. I can deliver the "meat and potatoes," but I seem to miss the side dishes. LOL
Smiles and hugs, Carol
-
Oh Carol...you are always on your A game!
-
Not always, my dear friend. but this morning after moaning over losing Mason and Paddy, I needed to figure out how I was going to get them discovered by someone other than the crooked cops.... I believe I've got it and found a way to bring in another character that my readers have asked for.... It's been a great morning! Even had a beautiful cardinal outside my window. What more could I ask for... except your smiling face and here you are.
Love ya, Carol
-
Only you can gather these words, line them up, and scan the "troops" finding the perfect phrases that entice your readers!
-
It makes me happy when others love what I write. I don't think my family has ever read my books except for the short stories I read my great grandchildren.
-
This is why God supplements with your FS family!
:)
-
And I am thankful! I'm trying to get enough $$ to post the next chapter... I am eager to see how it goes. But then when aren't I? lol
Comment from Ric Myworld
If you've got enough shooter and bullets you don't even have to aim, but blow the whole area to smithereens. LOL. You don't have to shout, "Shoot low sheriff, he's riding a Shetland. Up on that bluff. Quick before it sinks. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2022
|
If you've got enough shooter and bullets you don't even have to aim, but blow the whole area to smithereens. LOL. You don't have to shout, "Shoot low sheriff, he's riding a Shetland. Up on that bluff. Quick before it sinks. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2022
-
Yes, I guess in the heat of the moment I got carried away with all the bullets and guns. You can tell what kind of gangster I would be if I had ended up on the wrong side of the law. LOL Glad I only write the stuff!
Smiles, Carol
-
But you write it so well! It's almost as if you've lived it. LOL.
-
Not quite! But the kids' Dad had enough stories about family ties and such. So here I thought I was marrying an upstanding church-going man. I never suspected the dark side until much later ... whose mother-in-law attends church daily but had to be pardoned by the Governor because she refused to "spill her guts." I laugh now, but there were times... Thankfully, I moved on and found what I really needed.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Aw, that was a sad ending, Carol! They were really good people, but Mason just wanted to be rich. He realised before he died that in the end, he just wanted an easy life with his brother. I hope they don't find Lance and Bennie. I just wish Bennie would get rid of the ones he has in his pocket. This is such a great story, my friend, I just wish I could write like you. Love you lots, :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2022
 |
Aw, that was a sad ending, Carol! They were really good people, but Mason just wanted to be rich. He realised before he died that in the end, he just wanted an easy life with his brother. I hope they don't find Lance and Bennie. I just wish Bennie would get rid of the ones he has in his pocket. This is such a great story, my friend, I just wish I could write like you. Love you lots, :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 12-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2022
-
You make me laugh so much... Your talent far exceeds mind but I am grateful for your kindness. The fact that you enjoy my offerings gives me much to smile about and appreciate. Thank you so much for the stars and your lasting support.
Take care of yourself. Love ya, Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I had a feeling Mason and Paddy wouldn't make it long. I am really don't like Terrence Smythe. He's horrible. I'm sure Hank will take care of him.
Gasping for air, he moaned.His blood gushed from the gaping hole in his side (space needed after the period)
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2022
|
I had a feeling Mason and Paddy wouldn't make it long. I am really don't like Terrence Smythe. He's horrible. I'm sure Hank will take care of him.
Gasping for air, he moaned.His blood gushed from the gaping hole in his side (space needed after the period)
Comment Written 12-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2022
-
Fixed.....
Thank you as always. Your eagle eye always helps me stay on the straight and narrow when it comes to editing. I appreciate it very much. And the shiny stars and your support are welcomed with a smile.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from Wendy G
What a shame they both had to die for nothing when they had just made a good resolution to not be involved in the hunt for diamonds. They were right that they wouldn't fit into that lifestyle, and a simpler life would be a happier one. Now, what next? Costello and Bruiser are just so unscrupulous!Well written, a fascinating read.
Wendy
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2022
|
What a shame they both had to die for nothing when they had just made a good resolution to not be involved in the hunt for diamonds. They were right that they wouldn't fit into that lifestyle, and a simpler life would be a happier one. Now, what next? Costello and Bruiser are just so unscrupulous!Well written, a fascinating read.
Wendy
Comment Written 11-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2022
-
Now we have narrowed the field with how man are chasing Lance and Benny... The gangsters and the cops. What will be the outcome when the diamonds are in Trenton... will the good guys get them or........
Guess we wait and see what happens.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from Carol Clark2
Poor Mason and Paddy. Just as they decide to forget the diamonds, they meet a cruel end of their lives. An unexpected twist in the plot. Bruiser didn't waste any time getting to them. Good chapter.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2022
|
Poor Mason and Paddy. Just as they decide to forget the diamonds, they meet a cruel end of their lives. An unexpected twist in the plot. Bruiser didn't waste any time getting to them. Good chapter.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2022
-
Bruiser is a heartless criminal who lives to bring power and glory to his boss and doesn't care who or what he destroys in his path. His emotions are lost in the darkness of his evil mind. Hopefully, he meets his match.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Jasmine Girl
Poor Mason and Paddy never reached their happy place on a lake. It's violence that's involved with this kind of gangster business that no one can really enjoy their dream life. It's sad truth and only desperate people or people who have no other choices join the gang.
A well done action scene.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2022
|
Poor Mason and Paddy never reached their happy place on a lake. It's violence that's involved with this kind of gangster business that no one can really enjoy their dream life. It's sad truth and only desperate people or people who have no other choices join the gang.
A well done action scene.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2022
-
Thanks! I don't even think Mason and Paddy fully understood the hole they were digging for themselves by chasing the diamonds. The glitter seemed to blind them.
Thanks for the review and your support.
Smiles, Carol
