The Pick Up
Trochaic Meter in the style of Poe25 total reviews
Comment from Pantygynt
When I find my students have posted something we have done in class I always go and look to see what others think of the piece. It doesn't make any difference to what I say or to the grade awarded, I just want to know what others think of what I have taught.
Am I right in thinking grey is the colour of convict garb in the US?
It was well done as you already know.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2022
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When I find my students have posted something we have done in class I always go and look to see what others think of the piece. It doesn't make any difference to what I say or to the grade awarded, I just want to know what others think of what I have taught.
Am I right in thinking grey is the colour of convict garb in the US?
It was well done as you already know.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2022
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Thank you, dear Jim!!! Yes, prisoners are now, usually, dressed in orange, but it used to be gray.
Melissa
Comment from dragonpoet
It seemed this person was trying to get Doris apprehended by the police. If Doris was not guilty, why didn't her friend help her. Well the jury will decide on this one. If Doris is innocent, let's hope the she doesn't try for
revenge.
For those who don't know all the different meters, maybe you should define trochaic meter is and what catalectic endings mean.
I can see the nod to ''The Raven" in it.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Happy Holidays.
Joan
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2022
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It seemed this person was trying to get Doris apprehended by the police. If Doris was not guilty, why didn't her friend help her. Well the jury will decide on this one. If Doris is innocent, let's hope the she doesn't try for
revenge.
For those who don't know all the different meters, maybe you should define trochaic meter is and what catalectic endings mean.
I can see the nod to ''The Raven" in it.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Happy Holidays.
Joan
Comment Written 28-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2022
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Thank you so very much, Joan. Doris was the convict who escaped and the main character was supposed to be the pick up guy. She was trying to escape when he saw she was arrested.... I don't usually write in trochaic meter, so it was a challenge to keep the rhythm and rhyme going. I'm delighted you liked it sweet friend!!
Melissa
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Don't mention it, Melissa. Thanks for the clarification.
Joan
Comment from June Sargent
Meter is fun - for me as a reader. But I can't imagine me getting the hang of it all - as a writer. Trochaic meter is a challenge by itself, but to add all these different endings - you're becoming a master of meter yourself! A fun read - and great entry for the contest . Good job!
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2022
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Meter is fun - for me as a reader. But I can't imagine me getting the hang of it all - as a writer. Trochaic meter is a challenge by itself, but to add all these different endings - you're becoming a master of meter yourself! A fun read - and great entry for the contest . Good job!
Comment Written 28-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2022
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Thank you, dear June, for your wonderful review. I do like writing in meter, and even though I don't usually write in trochaic, this was a fun challenge. Hugs!!
Melissa
Comment from Jesse James Doty
So, it was Doris they had taken away in shackles. I loved the meter and felt it in my bones as it bounced along merrily and swang to and fro. This is a lovely tribute to Edgar Allen Poe. He is still with us with this galloping poetry. Thanks for the memories of reading his work. I must look his work up again and peruse it.
Jesse
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2022
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So, it was Doris they had taken away in shackles. I loved the meter and felt it in my bones as it bounced along merrily and swang to and fro. This is a lovely tribute to Edgar Allen Poe. He is still with us with this galloping poetry. Thanks for the memories of reading his work. I must look his work up again and peruse it.
Jesse
Comment Written 28-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2022
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Hello, dear Jesse, thank you so much. It was a fun write!! Trochaic meter is a challenge, but fun too. :)
Melissa
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Often a challenge is a good thing.
Jesse
Comment from lyenochka
You did Edgar Allan Poe proud with your great mastery of meter and the super use of internal rhymes all throughout. I was surprised the forest and Doris really worked as near rhymes. But with all the wild happenings with the escaped convict, and the spookiness of possible alien abudction, I was wondering if Doris was the convict and that's why she "looked good in gray?" Was the narrator supposed to help drive the getaway car?
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2022
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You did Edgar Allan Poe proud with your great mastery of meter and the super use of internal rhymes all throughout. I was surprised the forest and Doris really worked as near rhymes. But with all the wild happenings with the escaped convict, and the spookiness of possible alien abudction, I was wondering if Doris was the convict and that's why she "looked good in gray?" Was the narrator supposed to help drive the getaway car?
Comment Written 28-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2022
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Thank you so very much, Helen. Doris was the convict who escaped and the main character was supposed to be the pick up guy. She was trying to escape when he saw she was arrested.... I don't usually write in trochaic meter, so it was a challenge to keep the rhythm and rhyme going. I'm delighted you liked it sweet friend!!
Melissa
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Loved it! I can see it becoming Poem of the Month!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Wow Melissa, this is such a talented write, fantastic metre and your words gave me the chills. I wish I could give you more than six stars as your poem is so skilfully written and your classes have turned you into a very skilled wordsmith. You deserve to be number one on here Melissa, I mean that sincerely, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2022
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Wow Melissa, this is such a talented write, fantastic metre and your words gave me the chills. I wish I could give you more than six stars as your poem is so skilfully written and your classes have turned you into a very skilled wordsmith. You deserve to be number one on here Melissa, I mean that sincerely, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 28-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2022
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Your words have really touched my heart, Christine!!! I so appreciate your fond regard and hope that as you and I go forward we can continue to write our metered verses and internal rhymes. You have always inspired me to be creative in that way. Hugs, sweet Dolly!!!
Melissa
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You are so welcome Melissa, you are one among the few most talented poets on this site, and you are willing to constantly learn and improve your craft. So well deserved, love Christine x x x
Comment from Aussie
Hee, Hee good one. You set the scene brought the atmosphere, hyped us up ready to see the monster. I loved it. Then Doris went looking for you! All decked out in grey, must have been hiding behind a tree, maybe having a pee!
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2022
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Hee, Hee good one. You set the scene brought the atmosphere, hyped us up ready to see the monster. I loved it. Then Doris went looking for you! All decked out in grey, must have been hiding behind a tree, maybe having a pee!
Comment Written 28-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2022
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Haha... you are so fun, Kay. Thank you, dear friend, for your lovely review.
Melissa
Comment from nancy_e_davis
This is absolutely wonderful and I think it deserves an A+ in class, Melissa. I applaud your contribution to Meter Class my friend. well done. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2022
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This is absolutely wonderful and I think it deserves an A+ in class, Melissa. I applaud your contribution to Meter Class my friend. well done. Nancy:)
Comment Written 28-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2022
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Thank you so much, Nancy. I don't usually write in trochaic meter, so it was a challenge to keep the rhythm and rhyme going, but fun too. Hugs, sweet friend.
Melissa
Comment from Marienkiefer
Fantastic. Nice poetry style and rhyming structure to showcase the dramatic lines and effectively build apprehension and suspense in your poem.
-A very daunting picture, and well selected to enhance aura and mystique in your poem. Gray lends an air of foreboding.
-All your lines blend and mesh together to create a nice story...with a little twist at the end.
Lovely to read. Hope this review reaches you, I seem to be having some technical difficulties. All the best.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2022
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Fantastic. Nice poetry style and rhyming structure to showcase the dramatic lines and effectively build apprehension and suspense in your poem.
-A very daunting picture, and well selected to enhance aura and mystique in your poem. Gray lends an air of foreboding.
-All your lines blend and mesh together to create a nice story...with a little twist at the end.
Lovely to read. Hope this review reaches you, I seem to be having some technical difficulties. All the best.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2022
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Thank you so much, Marien, for your wonderful review. I really appreciate your detailed comments. :)
Melissa
Comment from Jasmine Girl
This is for a six stars. When you asked us to give you feedback, I was over joyed that you sent us the whole poem so I can read it before you publish it at Fanstory.
I couldn't find anything wrong or suggest anything except for calling it a winner.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2022
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This is for a six stars. When you asked us to give you feedback, I was over joyed that you sent us the whole poem so I can read it before you publish it at Fanstory.
I couldn't find anything wrong or suggest anything except for calling it a winner.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2022
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Thank you so much Lisa. I had fun writing it and forcing myself to write in trochaic meter. Hugs!!
Melissa
