The Pick Up
Trochaic Meter in the style of Poe25 total reviews
Comment from tempeste
Ciao Sugarray!
I enjoyed the suspence and for a moment I actually thought you were describing an alien abduction.
I'm a huge fan of X-Files and often we got a scene where strange lights from above lit up the woods , the narrative was implying that aliens were about to abduct someone on those lone countryside roads.( biggrin)
That said often though it was a false alarm and it was just the police in pursuit of an escapee like in your entry.
Alas, her lover was too late .
Jail jumpsuits I thought were orange in America , they stand out better too. Did you put grey to allude at aliens that are usually described as being grey bald and slim?
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2022
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Ciao Sugarray!
I enjoyed the suspence and for a moment I actually thought you were describing an alien abduction.
I'm a huge fan of X-Files and often we got a scene where strange lights from above lit up the woods , the narrative was implying that aliens were about to abduct someone on those lone countryside roads.( biggrin)
That said often though it was a false alarm and it was just the police in pursuit of an escapee like in your entry.
Alas, her lover was too late .
Jail jumpsuits I thought were orange in America , they stand out better too. Did you put grey to allude at aliens that are usually described as being grey bald and slim?
Comment Written 03-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2022
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Hello dear Franca... so sorry for the late response. I've been decorating for Christmas and haven't been on very much. I am delighted you liked this fun one. It was an assignment for the FS Poetry class ~ trochaic meter. I must run because the class starts on Zoom in five minutes and I NEED coffee... LOL. Hugs and thanks so much.
Melissa
Comment from Father Flaps
Wow! Melissa, you've told quite a story here for the No Rules Poetry contest. I wish you Good Luck! How can it not win? It forced me to go into my bookcase and haul out my 1895 copy of "Poems"/ Edgar Allan Poe, and read a few verses from "The Raven". My, you've done an excellent job with this tale of a man driving through a forest to pick up Doris. What a great rhyme there!... "forest/Doris". That appealed to me right off the bat.
But then, all the lights in the sky, the hubbub...
"Was it aliens conferring in the woods at close of day?
Were they taking me away?" ... I can't resist anything alienetic. That first verse had me thinking Bonnie and Clyde, but instead of Bonnie rescuing Clyde, it was Clyde rescuing Bonnie. And then, I was thinking of the 1993 movie, "Fire in the Sky", and the abduction of Travis Walton.
I thought you really captured the prison escapee, Doris, desperate for freedom with this,
"suddenly, the creature's thrashing, arms and legs in disarray."
Terrific imagery, especially a helicopter at the scene!
"Helicopters circled slowly with their trenchant rays turned soley
on the creature who was wholly cursing Fate's low, fickle way."
Loved the ending line, too: "Doris sure looked good in gray."
Well done!
So nicely penned!
Hugs,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2022
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Wow! Melissa, you've told quite a story here for the No Rules Poetry contest. I wish you Good Luck! How can it not win? It forced me to go into my bookcase and haul out my 1895 copy of "Poems"/ Edgar Allan Poe, and read a few verses from "The Raven". My, you've done an excellent job with this tale of a man driving through a forest to pick up Doris. What a great rhyme there!... "forest/Doris". That appealed to me right off the bat.
But then, all the lights in the sky, the hubbub...
"Was it aliens conferring in the woods at close of day?
Were they taking me away?" ... I can't resist anything alienetic. That first verse had me thinking Bonnie and Clyde, but instead of Bonnie rescuing Clyde, it was Clyde rescuing Bonnie. And then, I was thinking of the 1993 movie, "Fire in the Sky", and the abduction of Travis Walton.
I thought you really captured the prison escapee, Doris, desperate for freedom with this,
"suddenly, the creature's thrashing, arms and legs in disarray."
Terrific imagery, especially a helicopter at the scene!
"Helicopters circled slowly with their trenchant rays turned soley
on the creature who was wholly cursing Fate's low, fickle way."
Loved the ending line, too: "Doris sure looked good in gray."
Well done!
So nicely penned!
Hugs,
Kimbob
Comment Written 01-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2022
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Hello KB. Thank you for your wonderful review. I had not thought of Bonnie and Clyde, but it is a wonderful analogy. I had fun writing this one and bopping along to this trochaic beat!! LOL. Loved the fun take on this. Hugs back to you!!
Melissa
Comment from Rachelle Allen
If you don't boogie down to the winner's circle with this entry, there is something SERIOUSLY wrong with the FS election process. [Yes, that is said with enormous irony in my tone...but it IS also the truth.]
This was PHENOMENAL!! So perfectly Ravenesque, but better because, in the end, it was great to read that Doris, gawd love her, looked good in gray...and, really, when you're an escaped convict, what could matter more?!
Your mastery of the form and rhythm pattern you've been learning says to me that you surely must be the top student in the class!!
SUCH a fantastic read, Melissa!! xo
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2022
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If you don't boogie down to the winner's circle with this entry, there is something SERIOUSLY wrong with the FS election process. [Yes, that is said with enormous irony in my tone...but it IS also the truth.]
This was PHENOMENAL!! So perfectly Ravenesque, but better because, in the end, it was great to read that Doris, gawd love her, looked good in gray...and, really, when you're an escaped convict, what could matter more?!
Your mastery of the form and rhythm pattern you've been learning says to me that you surely must be the top student in the class!!
SUCH a fantastic read, Melissa!! xo
Comment Written 30-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2022
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Hello dear Rachelle. Thank you so very much for the fantastic review and comments. I had fun writing this one and bopping along to the trochaic beat. LOL. I'm delighted you liked it, dear friend. Hugs.
Melissa
Comment from Sally Law
Melissa dear, not only was this amazingly, it gripped me to the end! The tongue-in-cheek ending was perfect! A delightful read for my reviewing day. A winner for sure!!
Sending you my best today as always and best wishes for the upcoming contest,
Sal XOs
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2022
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Melissa dear, not only was this amazingly, it gripped me to the end! The tongue-in-cheek ending was perfect! A delightful read for my reviewing day. A winner for sure!!
Sending you my best today as always and best wishes for the upcoming contest,
Sal XOs
Comment Written 29-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2022
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Hello Sally. Thanks so much for your lovely comments. It was a fun one to write! Hugs.
Melissa
Comment from Paul McFarland
Nicely done, Melissa. I am a great Poe fan and have written a lengthy poem with the meter of the "The Raven". Maybe someday I will post it. Your poem "chilled me, filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before".
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2022
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Nicely done, Melissa. I am a great Poe fan and have written a lengthy poem with the meter of the "The Raven". Maybe someday I will post it. Your poem "chilled me, filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before".
Comment Written 29-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2022
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Thank you for your great review, Paul!! ... fantastic terrors never felt before... was it due to dear Lenore?... quoth the raven "nevermore"... LOL. Poetry is so fun!!!
Melissa
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Have you watched the movie "The Raven" with John Cusack?
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No, I haven't watched it. I didn't know there was a movie. I will definitely look it up on YouTube. Thanks for letting me know.
M
Comment from Bill Schott
This poem, The Pickup, sounds a lot like the meter of The Raven, and the story told is really funny. I am a bit lost with what is going on with Doris, but the bit seems to lean humorously on her being arrested.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2022
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This poem, The Pickup, sounds a lot like the meter of The Raven, and the story told is really funny. I am a bit lost with what is going on with Doris, but the bit seems to lean humorously on her being arrested.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2022
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Hey there Bill. The whole concept was that the main character was the pick up guy for the escapee and that the cops nabbed her before he could do so. At first, he thought he was dealing with aliens, but it was a helicopter. I may play with it and make it easier to grasp. Thank you!!
Melissa
Comment from damommy
What a wonderful job you did with this pastiche. I remember doing those in the class I took. Yours is spot on with great meter and rhyme. Good luck in the contest, although I don't think you'll need it.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2022
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What a wonderful job you did with this pastiche. I remember doing those in the class I took. Yours is spot on with great meter and rhyme. Good luck in the contest, although I don't think you'll need it.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2022
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Hello Yvonne. You have made my day with your lovely words and comments. It was a fun one to write :). Hugs.
Melissa
Comment from harmony13
The author's words are suspenseful, interesting, descriptive and creative.
I found the poem thought provoking as I thought about what was
happening! The poem flows and connects well. The artwork is perfect
and goes with the theme and words of this poem.
Hi Melissa, hope you had a Wonderful Thanksgiving!....Maria
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2022
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The author's words are suspenseful, interesting, descriptive and creative.
I found the poem thought provoking as I thought about what was
happening! The poem flows and connects well. The artwork is perfect
and goes with the theme and words of this poem.
Hi Melissa, hope you had a Wonderful Thanksgiving!....Maria
Comment Written 28-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2022
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Hello sweet Maria. Thank you for your lovely review. I had fun writing in trochaic meter and keeping to the beat :). Hugs!
Melissa
Comment from Ulla
Oh, Melissa as usual you surpass yourself. I can understand why you had so much fun writing this poem with a story within. You did it so very well. I had much joy reading this. And Poe was indeed in there somewhere. Lol. So Doris was taken away in shackles.
I'm so glad you enjoy your class. Ullaxx
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2022
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Oh, Melissa as usual you surpass yourself. I can understand why you had so much fun writing this poem with a story within. You did it so very well. I had much joy reading this. And Poe was indeed in there somewhere. Lol. So Doris was taken away in shackles.
I'm so glad you enjoy your class. Ullaxx
Comment Written 28-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2022
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Thank you so very much, Ulla. I don't usually write in trochaic meter, so it was a challenge to keep the rhythm and rhyme going. I'm delighted you liked it sweet friend!!
Melissa
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I loved it! Hugs
Comment from Carol Clark2
Love your poem in the style of Poe. The mood you set held my attention from beginning to end. I also love the twist at the end. Your rhyming is amazing, with both internal and external rhymes. I had to look up a few words, so thanks for teaching me new things. Blessings.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2022
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Love your poem in the style of Poe. The mood you set held my attention from beginning to end. I also love the twist at the end. Your rhyming is amazing, with both internal and external rhymes. I had to look up a few words, so thanks for teaching me new things. Blessings.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2022
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Hello Carol. Thank you so much for your lovely thoughts and comments about this one. Trochaic meter is a challenge, but fun too. Hugs!!
Melissa
