Murder in the Mountains
Prehistoric murder4 total reviews
Comment from Thomas Blanks
Stoney is a regular Churt Rock Holmes!
Notes: "Patbe an arrowhead" (is this maybe an arrowhead?)
"Jasper, Patbe?" (should this also be maybe?) Did you change May to Pat? Then maybe changed to Patbe.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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Stoney is a regular Churt Rock Holmes!
Notes: "Patbe an arrowhead" (is this maybe an arrowhead?)
"Jasper, Patbe?" (should this also be maybe?) Did you change May to Pat? Then maybe changed to Patbe.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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I think Advanced editor has demons who change stuff.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is an interesting story in that you managed to include quite a bit of equality for women in to the mix of your story. I found it unlikely that there was only a single footprint at the site belonging to the suspect. Kate xx
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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This is an interesting story in that you managed to include quite a bit of equality for women in to the mix of your story. I found it unlikely that there was only a single footprint at the site belonging to the suspect. Kate xx
Comment Written 20-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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Thank you. I may go back and clarify that all others were obscured.
Comment from Charlotte Morse
An unusual and interesting time period to set a murder mystery story, but I'm sure they must have happened then too.
Just a few things I was wondering about:
'Approaching from bluff, they'd climbed down . . ' should it be 'the' bluff? You put 'the' before bluff later on.
'"You go get Stoney," Root told Rut.' - You used 'told' in the previous sentence as well, so might be better using 'replied' or something else for this one?
'"Will you two shut yer pie holes? I'll go get Stoney."' - Did they actually have pies in prehistoric times? I have a feeling pies were introduced by the Egyptians or maybe the Romans? I may be wrong, but it's always worth checking facts thoroughly, when writing historical stories - ha ha it'll stop smart asses like me these sort of questions!
Just my 2 cents worth :-)
Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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An unusual and interesting time period to set a murder mystery story, but I'm sure they must have happened then too.
Just a few things I was wondering about:
'Approaching from bluff, they'd climbed down . . ' should it be 'the' bluff? You put 'the' before bluff later on.
'"You go get Stoney," Root told Rut.' - You used 'told' in the previous sentence as well, so might be better using 'replied' or something else for this one?
'"Will you two shut yer pie holes? I'll go get Stoney."' - Did they actually have pies in prehistoric times? I have a feeling pies were introduced by the Egyptians or maybe the Romans? I may be wrong, but it's always worth checking facts thoroughly, when writing historical stories - ha ha it'll stop smart asses like me these sort of questions!
Just my 2 cents worth :-)
Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 20-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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lol! Thank you. Meat pies? I'll think on it some. Maybe 'gob' hole? lol
Comment from humpwhistle
This reads like a pre-pre-pre-prequel to CSI. Stoney is a man far ahead of his time. And that's what made this entertaining to me. The anachronisms and inappropriate verbal expressions stack up like cord wood. Mighty civilized for troglodytes.
Very entertaining.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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This reads like a pre-pre-pre-prequel to CSI. Stoney is a man far ahead of his time. And that's what made this entertaining to me. The anachronisms and inappropriate verbal expressions stack up like cord wood. Mighty civilized for troglodytes.
Very entertaining.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 20-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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Thank you. Exactly what I'd hoped.
