Comment from Sarah Flores

Needs Improvement

I gave used to stars because for some reason I just could not catch on to what you were trying to portray I wasn't sure the moral of the story I'm sorry maybe it's just me. My advice to you would be to be a little bit more descriptive and relatable in your poetry so when other people read it they feel like they're reading a part of their own story as well. This poem made me feel a little lost maybe you could work on your rhyme theme a little? But well done on your creativeness and I I could tell you put a lot of emotion into this writing.

 Comment Written 09-Oct-2022

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reply by the author on 10-Oct-2022

Thanks for your review

Comment from Michael Ludwinder

Excellent

I thought the line about the hobbit book was hilarious! This was an enjoyable poem. Love the feel of it - very much a free form. The last line was a bit of a run on if you can do that with poems. But you can see just looking at it that it doesn't "fit" - a little long. Outside of that this was a joy to read! Great job on your first post!

 Comment Written 09-Oct-2022

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reply by the author on 09-Oct-2022

Thanks

Comment from humpwhistle

Excellent

Think your poem can interpreted in a number of different ways. I can't say I followed all you are saying. But, I tend to be more of a literalist. My problem, not yours.
Welcome aboard, Brian, and I hope get the responses you're looking for.

Peace, Lee

 Comment Written 09-Oct-2022

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reply by the author on 09-Oct-2022

Thanks

Comment from dragonpoet

Good

First of all welcome to the site. You will become a better writer here and maybe make a couple of friends while at it.
This seems to say that love started but then the lovers hobby of reading stifled it. The arrow that just missed you is the love that lost.
I think you don't feel swearing is needed in a poem. And you just could say book. Specifying the type of book could offend those who like fantasy book and especially the Lord of the Rings series. Also reading can inspire writing.
I think you could break the last line into two or three lines to make the flow better.
Hope this helps and doesn't turn you away.
Joan

 Comment Written 08-Oct-2022

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reply by the author on 08-Oct-2022

Thanks for the review

reply by dragonpoet on 08-Oct-2022

No problem, Brian.
Joan

Comment from playinaround

Excellent

I really like the multiple rhymes It flowed nicely and was rhythmic to read. I am looking forward to seeing more posts from you. Thank you for sharing

 Comment Written 08-Oct-2022

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reply by the author on 08-Oct-2022

Thanks