Life In The Big Shitty
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "My Shame"The first eighty years.
5 total reviews
Comment from irishauthorme
Well, the picture you chose sure did set the mood for your bio!
You just took some wrong turns down a dead-end road, like most of us have.
There is a big difference between making love and just sex. I feel that making love is the closest you can be to another person.
However, when you are young, just sex with a fun person can be great!
I had a close friend I went to school with who talked his wife into having sex with another couple, some friends, and he later said that that was where his marriage started falling apart. His wife started having sex with their friend's husband without her husband knowing. They got divorced and his wife married their friend. The marriage only lasted two years. She wanted her former husband back, but it was too late, he had already married again.
irish
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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Well, the picture you chose sure did set the mood for your bio!
You just took some wrong turns down a dead-end road, like most of us have.
There is a big difference between making love and just sex. I feel that making love is the closest you can be to another person.
However, when you are young, just sex with a fun person can be great!
I had a close friend I went to school with who talked his wife into having sex with another couple, some friends, and he later said that that was where his marriage started falling apart. His wife started having sex with their friend's husband without her husband knowing. They got divorced and his wife married their friend. The marriage only lasted two years. She wanted her former husband back, but it was too late, he had already married again.
irish
Comment Written 15-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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Thank you, irish. Those Things rarely work out I think. I have always regreted loosing the wonder of sex. TyBlessings, Barbara. Xo
Comment from LateBloomer
Barbara, the heartache and pain continues. I'm hoping for a brighter future in your next 50 years. When your husband's fiancee called him a monster, she knew what she was talking about.
Of note:
she, thought it was her fault we had to marry young.
(The oldest child always seems the most sensitive to on-going problems in the house. Many times they do blame themselves and feel guilty that there's nothing that they can do to help. Correction: no comma after the word she.)
Of note:
I now realize it was fibromyalgia. It didn't even have a name yet.
(fibromyalgia only seemed to be recognized since the 1990's. B, I'm
sorry that you have had to suffer with an undiagnosed disease for so very long. Pain is exhausting.)
Also:
I now believe he had formed feelings for my beautiful youngest daughter.
(He had feelings for your youngest daughter, but he act on them?
You could expand that thought without going into detail, e.g.
He had feelings for my youngest daughter, and he acted upon them
... but he never acted upon them.)
Perfect photo choice. I'm sure that you felt like that photo on many days.
Well done. A story of pain and more pain. Keep the blue waters flowing. LateBloomer
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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Barbara, the heartache and pain continues. I'm hoping for a brighter future in your next 50 years. When your husband's fiancee called him a monster, she knew what she was talking about.
Of note:
she, thought it was her fault we had to marry young.
(The oldest child always seems the most sensitive to on-going problems in the house. Many times they do blame themselves and feel guilty that there's nothing that they can do to help. Correction: no comma after the word she.)
Of note:
I now realize it was fibromyalgia. It didn't even have a name yet.
(fibromyalgia only seemed to be recognized since the 1990's. B, I'm
sorry that you have had to suffer with an undiagnosed disease for so very long. Pain is exhausting.)
Also:
I now believe he had formed feelings for my beautiful youngest daughter.
(He had feelings for your youngest daughter, but he act on them?
You could expand that thought without going into detail, e.g.
He had feelings for my youngest daughter, and he acted upon them
... but he never acted upon them.)
Perfect photo choice. I'm sure that you felt like that photo on many days.
Well done. A story of pain and more pain. Keep the blue waters flowing. LateBloomer
Comment Written 12-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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Thank you, my friend. I don't know what went on between them. I suspect but I don't want to know. I was so sick in all areas by then, I was unfixable. I am at peace though, Blessings, Barbara. Xo
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OK. Understood. Xo. M
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
I should have told you earlier, when you first started posting this series, that you made a great selection for font and type size. I never have to squint or strain to see what you have written, thanks for that.
Para 2, 1st sentence: (daughter. It) should be (daughter, it)
Para 2, 3rd sentence: (brunt. I) should be (brunt, I) this to complete the revised 1st sentence.
Para 7, 8th sentence: (Vagas) should be (Vegas)
Fibromyalgia has always been either one of the most ignored problems or the most "fall back on" diagnosis, when the doctor can't think of anything else. My wife has fibromyalgia, and she is frequently experiencing bouts of full body pain
A sad story you tell Barb, a sad one indeed.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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I should have told you earlier, when you first started posting this series, that you made a great selection for font and type size. I never have to squint or strain to see what you have written, thanks for that.
Para 2, 1st sentence: (daughter. It) should be (daughter, it)
Para 2, 3rd sentence: (brunt. I) should be (brunt, I) this to complete the revised 1st sentence.
Para 7, 8th sentence: (Vagas) should be (Vegas)
Fibromyalgia has always been either one of the most ignored problems or the most "fall back on" diagnosis, when the doctor can't think of anything else. My wife has fibromyalgia, and she is frequently experiencing bouts of full body pain
A sad story you tell Barb, a sad one indeed.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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On my first post a woman complained, so I figured out how to do it. Took some trying to make it work. Thank you, Gary. How are you doing? I think I'm going to condense the next 50 yrs. Not good, but the worst is behind. I am getting too tired. Blessings, Barbara. Xo
Comment from lyenochka
Things just keep getting harder and harder. I'm sorry that the doctor didn't understand about the fibromyalgia. And to experience so much rejection is painful emotionally. But I'm glad that you recognized your God-given gift dealing with people.
until I baby sat his stepchild (babysat)
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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Things just keep getting harder and harder. I'm sorry that the doctor didn't understand about the fibromyalgia. And to experience so much rejection is painful emotionally. But I'm glad that you recognized your God-given gift dealing with people.
until I baby sat his stepchild (babysat)
Comment Written 11-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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Thank you, Helen. Bless you for your kindness and ubderstanding. Thing were never really good but the worst is behind with all of this. Blessings, Barbara. Xo
Comment from leather
Goodness, but you bared your soul in this writing. Life dealt you a heavy load; however, sometimes it is better to leave regret and shame behind so we can move on faster with what remains of our life. However, that is so much easier said than done.
I found this piece choppy and not fully fleshed out, so I will explain it a little more.
After reading the first sentence, I immediately wanted to know about the times when you were harsh with your oldest child, but I never found the answer and felt a little cheated out of a full explanation.
I had a humorous reaction to the word "ejected" because I imagined you being shot up through the roof of your house--somewhat like pilots when they are ejected from planes--only going downwards. Do you think another word choice would work better?
It might be more in keeping with your general writing style to spell out the word boyfriend than using the abbreviation BF.
Perhaps the line "I was surprised it hurt." could indicate whether the hurt was physical or mental.
I think this is a good biographical entry; however, I think it could be improved upon with some reworking -- especially for clarity issues.
Thank you for sharing.
Best wishes
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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Goodness, but you bared your soul in this writing. Life dealt you a heavy load; however, sometimes it is better to leave regret and shame behind so we can move on faster with what remains of our life. However, that is so much easier said than done.
I found this piece choppy and not fully fleshed out, so I will explain it a little more.
After reading the first sentence, I immediately wanted to know about the times when you were harsh with your oldest child, but I never found the answer and felt a little cheated out of a full explanation.
I had a humorous reaction to the word "ejected" because I imagined you being shot up through the roof of your house--somewhat like pilots when they are ejected from planes--only going downwards. Do you think another word choice would work better?
It might be more in keeping with your general writing style to spell out the word boyfriend than using the abbreviation BF.
Perhaps the line "I was surprised it hurt." could indicate whether the hurt was physical or mental.
I think this is a good biographical entry; however, I think it could be improved upon with some reworking -- especially for clarity issues.
Thank you for sharing.
Best wishes
Comment Written 11-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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Thank you, leather. I am too ashamed to expand on my daughter. I leave it to shame and imagination. I got a reat laugh from your visuals of my ejection. LOL. TY- the surprise hurt was emotional. I will edit. Blessings, Barbara. Xo
ps: It was nowhere even close to what I suffered at my mother's hands, emotionally till her death
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Thanks for the explanations, Barbara. You mentioned the emotional strife with your mother--another wound to deal with. Life can be challenging--it is not all roses and a bowl of cherries.
I feel for you as someone who came from such dysfunction that my grandmother (on my father's side) notified his Naval Commander that he was not sending my mother enough money to buy adequate food for herself and four children. I spent some of my teen years buying groceries from the money I made babysitting. I remember eating a lot of brown sugar and butter sandwiches--they were cheap and tasted great but weren't very nutritional. We made them from a cheap brand of bread called 'Wonder Bread.'
Wouldn't it be nice if we could rewrite and relive our histories?
Take care. Leather
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Naw, it made me the strong woman I am. Wouldn't want to do it again under any circumstances. I am 82 now and tired. TY sweety, Xo. B