...of thought
Written when I was 1612 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
This poem, Of Thought, has an angry to cynical tone of life's instances leading up, perhaps, to an untimely end and a flash of life's playback.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2022
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This poem, Of Thought, has an angry to cynical tone of life's instances leading up, perhaps, to an untimely end and a flash of life's playback.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2022
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Thanks Bill :-). Indeed, my teenage self was both angry and cynical, although naughty and still secretly a romantic. Dammit, I was a contradiction lol.
Mike
Comment from rama devi
As always, I applaud your immense originality and unique phrasing, word choice and rhythms.
This is a bit disjointed, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.
Quite good for an 'early work'!
Great opening line:
Flit, flit, flit. A toccata of images,
Two spelling issues:
*
But in my memory a blur of hazyness,
haziness
*
A gifted of whirrings attacks my conscious,
no S on whirring
Favorite line:
A metaphor that works through quixotic absurdity;
*one comma suggestion:
Life has fun(,) as we all could, should see.
Enjoyed it!
Warmly,
rd
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2022
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As always, I applaud your immense originality and unique phrasing, word choice and rhythms.
This is a bit disjointed, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.
Quite good for an 'early work'!
Great opening line:
Flit, flit, flit. A toccata of images,
Two spelling issues:
*
But in my memory a blur of hazyness,
haziness
*
A gifted of whirrings attacks my conscious,
no S on whirring
Favorite line:
A metaphor that works through quixotic absurdity;
*one comma suggestion:
Life has fun(,) as we all could, should see.
Enjoyed it!
Warmly,
rd
Comment Written 15-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2022
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Thank you so much :-). It's great to see your name pop up! I hold my hands up the the issues, but I'll fix them on my offline copy, as I set the contest rules for this one, which includes not editing the entries :-)
Mike
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Ah! I see!
I'm happy to see you posting regularly. I don't visit regularly anymore, and may not be very active for a while, as I'm swamped!
:)
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It's just nice to see you pop up every now and then :-)
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Aw, thanks! :-))
Comment from Michaela Moore
Every single word is perfectly placed. (I wanted to give it six stars, but I only had 1-5 to choose...I am not sure why?). It starts with the image that mesmerizes me and shoots straight into my soul, leaving me breathless. Then you begin constructing a symphony with words that hit its first high point with "fused like a fugue." Your orchestration builds into crescendos of bass drum hits of BANGs and then sets up the unbelievable juxtaposed parallels of, "is this a comedy or a tragedy" of memories? At the end of this composition, the only thing to do is stand and applaud.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2022
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Every single word is perfectly placed. (I wanted to give it six stars, but I only had 1-5 to choose...I am not sure why?). It starts with the image that mesmerizes me and shoots straight into my soul, leaving me breathless. Then you begin constructing a symphony with words that hit its first high point with "fused like a fugue." Your orchestration builds into crescendos of bass drum hits of BANGs and then sets up the unbelievable juxtaposed parallels of, "is this a comedy or a tragedy" of memories? At the end of this composition, the only thing to do is stand and applaud.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2022
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Thanks so much, Michaela :-). Back in those days, I wrote even more by instinct and I still enjoy the rawness of my earlier poems.
In terms of six stars, you get allocated six of them each week - they get replenished on Sundays. This is the site's way of ensuring people really mean it when they give a six, as five has become the sort of standard rating. Happy to elaborate by direct message if you're interested in my take on how things generally work.
Mike
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Yes, please elaborate since I am new to the site. There is a lot to learn.
Comment from Teri7
Mike, This is a very interesting and well written poem, but it sounds like a lot of hurt or frustration, as you said. The art work you chose goes well with your words! Teri
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2022
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Mike, This is a very interesting and well written poem, but it sounds like a lot of hurt or frustration, as you said. The art work you chose goes well with your words! Teri
Comment Written 14-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2022
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Thank you, Teri. My teens were full of frustration - I hadn't realised yet that not everything makes sense!
Mike
Comment from Sally Law
This earlier work was deep and filled with metaphors and charred images. I remember my past life in compartments, somewhat like train cars. A stunning post I wish I had a six for. My best high five with compliments.
Sending you my best today as always and best wishes for the upcoming contest,
Sal :))
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2022
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This earlier work was deep and filled with metaphors and charred images. I remember my past life in compartments, somewhat like train cars. A stunning post I wish I had a six for. My best high five with compliments.
Sending you my best today as always and best wishes for the upcoming contest,
Sal :))
Comment Written 14-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2022
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Thanks so much, Sal! I'll take your lovely words any day. I've really been enjoying combing through my older pieces :-).
Mike
Comment from karenina
It is very nearly frightening to think the thoughts we did in youth...
Like pubescent synapses firing on all cylinders with a hiss and a pop!
Stunning vocabulary young Mike!
Fascinating glimpse at the budding poet...
Love the repetition of "Running us through..."
Reminds me of Elliott's "The Hollow Men."
(This is the way the world ends, this is the way the world ends...)
Remarkable!
Karenina
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2022
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It is very nearly frightening to think the thoughts we did in youth...
Like pubescent synapses firing on all cylinders with a hiss and a pop!
Stunning vocabulary young Mike!
Fascinating glimpse at the budding poet...
Love the repetition of "Running us through..."
Reminds me of Elliott's "The Hollow Men."
(This is the way the world ends, this is the way the world ends...)
Remarkable!
Karenina
Comment Written 14-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2022
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Aww, thank you :-). I think my thoughts are just as dark now, lol. I've just learnt to be less blunt about things, and more philosophical, of course. I'm glad I picked this one - I had a few choices but this reflects a theme in my thinking that's carried on and matured. I'm really glad you liked it!
Mike
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I do!
Comment from lyenochka
You really hit a nerve with this theme as your contests have been very popular!
I like the synesthesia of your poem combining sounds and images together. You make us feel and hear the images as those thoughts take flight. Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2022
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You really hit a nerve with this theme as your contests have been very popular!
I like the synesthesia of your poem combining sounds and images together. You make us feel and hear the images as those thoughts take flight. Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 14-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2022
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Thank you :-). I debated doing a third one of this contest, but I thought I'd give it a last hurrah!
Mike
Comment from pome lover
Mike, were you a troubled soul at 16? This is way too deep and serious for a happy teen. I think most teens are confused and hesitant - at least they used to be, covering it up with bravado, but this borders on strange IMHO.
Among other things, what is killing roo?
These are scary thoughts for a teen. for any age, really. And your chosen picture certainly projects remorse, dejection, sadness - negative thoughts.
What was your early frustration caused by, if you don't mind saying? And, I've been dying to ask, the significance of your pen name?
Mine was just a silly shortening of poem.
Katharine
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2022
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Mike, were you a troubled soul at 16? This is way too deep and serious for a happy teen. I think most teens are confused and hesitant - at least they used to be, covering it up with bravado, but this borders on strange IMHO.
Among other things, what is killing roo?
These are scary thoughts for a teen. for any age, really. And your chosen picture certainly projects remorse, dejection, sadness - negative thoughts.
What was your early frustration caused by, if you don't mind saying? And, I've been dying to ask, the significance of your pen name?
Mine was just a silly shortening of poem.
Katharine
Comment Written 13-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2022
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Thank you, Katharine :-). I wasn't troubled as such - I had a very happy youth - but I did read lots and think too much. Lots of things irritated me - things we accept as realities of life when we're older. I suppose the best way to put it was that most things seemed pointless - like we went to school because it was what we do rather than because it necessarily benefitted us. We have friends because we're supposed to, play the expected sports, eat and sleep on the socially agreed schedule. As somebody who continuously wondered why, that was annoying. Combine that with being a good boy who hated rule-breakers, and I guess that's a potent recipe for frustration!
As for Fleedleflump, he comes from a scribbling in one of my school exercise books - a weird creature doodle beneath which I'd randomly written 'Fleedleflump Beeblemooer has no belly button'. Years later, when I needed a unique ID to use online, that sprang to mind. To this day, if you encounter Fleedleflump anywhere, it's probably me (unless he's doing something scandalous- then I deny all knowledge lol).
Don't ask me where the word came from, though - words always did tumble out of my head, and not all of them are indeed words.
Oh, almost forgot the roooooo is onomatopoeia for the sound of a train accelerating and how trains can kill :-)
Mike
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well, in some ways I can identify, but not in others. I love crazy words and laughed at your bellybutton phrase. Words have always fascinated me and writing (who'da thunk?)
You have a huge imagination and love of words, and from what I gather, you are practical - however, in another way you're not if you're always questioning the norm.
One way we differ, I have always loved people who were a little bit bad - not really bad, but we used to do things like climb the water tower and when the boys got to miss school because of jobs at the Masters Golf Tournament, a bunch of us said to heck with that, and we skipped school and went to the lake.
I appreciate your taking the time with your very interesting response. I really enjoyed it. Many thanks!
Katharine
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
WOW! Even at aged sixteen you obviously enjoyed playing with words, and had a mastery of vocabulary. I suppose habits are formed young. Nicely written. Kate xx
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2022
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WOW! Even at aged sixteen you obviously enjoyed playing with words, and had a mastery of vocabulary. I suppose habits are formed young. Nicely written. Kate xx
Comment Written 13-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2022
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All I can say is I read constantly at that age. People ask me how they can improve their grammar and punctuation and the answer's always the same - read! I even know a few writers who 'hate' reading, which just seems bonkers. You out it best though - I loved playing with words, and I still do :-)
Mike
Comment from John Ciarmello
Now, I would love to have met this sixteen-year-old, Mike. He seems to be a brilliant young fellow with a promising life of writing ahead of him. Oh, wait- it seems I was right. Lol. A great piece, little Mike. (I promise I will never call you little Mike again. Ha! Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2022
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Now, I would love to have met this sixteen-year-old, Mike. He seems to be a brilliant young fellow with a promising life of writing ahead of him. Oh, wait- it seems I was right. Lol. A great piece, little Mike. (I promise I will never call you little Mike again. Ha! Best, JohnC
Comment Written 13-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2022
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Lol, thanks John - little Mike salutes you :-)
Mike
