Blessed Brother/ Part 5
Distant sirens23 total reviews
Comment from Ulla
Oh, John, but it is so very well written. I wish I had a six for this, which it so much deserve. The whole story is.growing on me. What a tale of evil and good..Now what about Remi?
The power struggle that is taking place in this part is outstanding. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2022
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Oh, John, but it is so very well written. I wish I had a six for this, which it so much deserve. The whole story is.growing on me. What a tale of evil and good..Now what about Remi?
The power struggle that is taking place in this part is outstanding. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 16-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2022
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Thank you, Ulla, for the great review. I'm so happy you're following. I also thank you for the honorable mention of the SIX stars. I hope all is well.
Comment from Judy Lawless
A powerful chapter, John. It's been a while since the last one, so it took me a few minutes to catch up on what was happening. I kept hoping the EMS would have been near enough they might have stopped in anyway. But then, they would have been shot. So much drama! I look forward to the next chapter.
One little thing from the prologue: This should be a separate paragraph "Remi? What's wrong?"
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2022
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A powerful chapter, John. It's been a while since the last one, so it took me a few minutes to catch up on what was happening. I kept hoping the EMS would have been near enough they might have stopped in anyway. But then, they would have been shot. So much drama! I look forward to the next chapter.
One little thing from the prologue: This should be a separate paragraph "Remi? What's wrong?"
Comment Written 16-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2022
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Thank you, Judy, for the review. I'm pleased you're reading and enjoying it, my friend. Did you notice I figured out Advanced editor, lol? Thanks for the help.
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You're welcome, John, and yes I did notice you'd figured that out. :)
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Never even noticed how long it was. Also didn't notice if there were any errors. This is a really fascinating part explaining so much about the family life of Everett. Owen's family life sounds like it must have been hell on earth.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2022
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Never even noticed how long it was. Also didn't notice if there were any errors. This is a really fascinating part explaining so much about the family life of Everett. Owen's family life sounds like it must have been hell on earth.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2022
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Thank you, Carol, for a wonderful review. I'm honored you are following my saga. Best, JohnC
Comment from karenina
You've outdone yourself. What clever plot twists here! I feel like I've been watching the wrong hand of the magician... How cleverly you diverted me from the illusion occurring in plain sight!
Stop apologizing for the length, my friend... When the writing is this intriguing it all goes by too fast.
Thallium poisoning! Good call!
Waiting for the next...
Six stars!
Karenina
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2022
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You've outdone yourself. What clever plot twists here! I feel like I've been watching the wrong hand of the magician... How cleverly you diverted me from the illusion occurring in plain sight!
Stop apologizing for the length, my friend... When the writing is this intriguing it all goes by too fast.
Thallium poisoning! Good call!
Waiting for the next...
Six stars!
Karenina
Comment Written 15-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2022
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I knew you would know about Thallium poison because of your profession, not because you've ever used it, lol. Anyway, thank you for the validation on that one. I thank you for the SIX, my friend. You are da bomb!
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If f COURSE I've never used it....
(cue the creepy music)
Heh-heh...
Comment from Ric Myworld
This may very well be the best chapter yet, and surely is for me. Now, I wish I had a six to reward it properly, but as you know, we just don't get enough to go around. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2022
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This may very well be the best chapter yet, and surely is for me. Now, I wish I had a six to reward it properly, but as you know, we just don't get enough to go around. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2022
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Thank you, my friend Ric. I always look up to your reviews, as you are one of my favorites. Thank you for the honorable mention of the SIX. It is much appreciated and just as good in my eyes.
Comment from Wendy G
What a very tense chapter!! You wrote it in a compelling manner and have maintained the interest. I 'm still holding my breath and not breathing properly!! Looking forward to seeing how this difficult situation is resolved.
Wendy
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2022
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What a very tense chapter!! You wrote it in a compelling manner and have maintained the interest. I 'm still holding my breath and not breathing properly!! Looking forward to seeing how this difficult situation is resolved.
Wendy
Comment Written 15-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2022
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Thank you, Wendy, for the great review and for following my saga. I'm working hard not to disappoint. I would recommend you breathe, though, lol. You are too kind, and I love that you're enjoying it. I enjoy your work as well.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
It wasn't long enough, so your apology is not for it being too long, it's because it was too short!!!! I do hope he doesn't give him the medallion, that would be the last thing he should do. He could use it to make Remi well, and get rid of the Owen. Couldn't he???? I can't wait for the next part. Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2022
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It wasn't long enough, so your apology is not for it being too long, it's because it was too short!!!! I do hope he doesn't give him the medallion, that would be the last thing he should do. He could use it to make Remi well, and get rid of the Owen. Couldn't he???? I can't wait for the next part. Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 15-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2022
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Hahaha! I will never tell. Well, I'll have to on my next post, lol. I could also beg you for some answers, but you never would tell me... Ha! Thank you so much, my friend, for following. It's an honor to have you in my audience, Sandra.
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Touché! I'll be patient and wait! 😂 I'm loving your story, John. xx
Comment from Shirley McLain
I enjoyed this chapter very much, and if I had a six, it would be yours. It is full of tension and action and certainly makes me want to know what happens next. I'm looking forward to the next installment. Shirley
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2022
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I enjoyed this chapter very much, and if I had a six, it would be yours. It is full of tension and action and certainly makes me want to know what happens next. I'm looking forward to the next installment. Shirley
Comment Written 15-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2022
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Thank you so much, Shirley. I'm so happy you are following and enjoying it. I'll be waiting for you as well.
Comment from Fleedleflump
There's an intensity to this that you maintain throughout, keeping the pace tight and the story moving. I like that you use dialogue to develop the plot and the reveals are well handled. Some great descriptions, too - especially the gun in the mouth.
Great stuff :-)
Mike
Spag notes:
'Everett nodded. "Yes, hello, this is Father Everett. Everett paused' - missing speech marks between the 'Everetts's
'that's not how we're going to play this game," the man smirked' - should be a full stop on 'game' and capital on 'The'
' I was Remis's age when my family convinced themselves' - typo on Remi's
'I spent the next fifteen years of my life, Father' - think there's meant to be an 'in there' after 'life'
'I'm sorry for you if that's the truth? but Claudia's never mentioned you' - should be a comma rather than a question mark
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2022
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There's an intensity to this that you maintain throughout, keeping the pace tight and the story moving. I like that you use dialogue to develop the plot and the reveals are well handled. Some great descriptions, too - especially the gun in the mouth.
Great stuff :-)
Mike
Spag notes:
'Everett nodded. "Yes, hello, this is Father Everett. Everett paused' - missing speech marks between the 'Everetts's
'that's not how we're going to play this game," the man smirked' - should be a full stop on 'game' and capital on 'The'
' I was Remis's age when my family convinced themselves' - typo on Remi's
'I spent the next fifteen years of my life, Father' - think there's meant to be an 'in there' after 'life'
'I'm sorry for you if that's the truth? but Claudia's never mentioned you' - should be a comma rather than a question mark
Comment Written 15-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2022
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Thank you, Mike, for the great review and critiques. I can't edit enough, lol. I'll get it right eventually. Thank you again, Mike. You're always helpful.
Comment from lyenochka
Oh-oh. It seems like the devil incarnate has influenced poor Remy. I think the medallion would be in very dangerous hands if given to Claudia's brother. But perhaps it wouldn't work its healing magic when owned by an evil person? You created a great climax to the plot here.
Comments:
"The prayer was meant for you," he said. The man looked at Everett with a mixture of anger and remorse, then quickly turned away. "Don't," he muttered. (I would start a new paragraph with "The man..." because the "Don't" seems to be a new speaker.)
Everett inadvertently touched near his neck and quickly pulled his hand away. (A new line would be good before this next sentence.)
"Perhaps you're right to pray for me, Father, so my revenge on all of you will not fall on merely the Devil's ears."
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2022
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Oh-oh. It seems like the devil incarnate has influenced poor Remy. I think the medallion would be in very dangerous hands if given to Claudia's brother. But perhaps it wouldn't work its healing magic when owned by an evil person? You created a great climax to the plot here.
Comments:
"The prayer was meant for you," he said. The man looked at Everett with a mixture of anger and remorse, then quickly turned away. "Don't," he muttered. (I would start a new paragraph with "The man..." because the "Don't" seems to be a new speaker.)
Everett inadvertently touched near his neck and quickly pulled his hand away. (A new line would be good before this next sentence.)
"Perhaps you're right to pray for me, Father, so my revenge on all of you will not fall on merely the Devil's ears."
Comment Written 15-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2022
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Thank you, Helen, for the critique. I'm happy you are following and enjoying the storyline. You're always helpful.
