Blessed Brother / part 4
More secrets20 total reviews
Comment from Whitewave
John,
So, the plot thickens - this gets better and better - can't wait for it 'to be continued'. Yes, Remi is becoming an interesting character as he becomes more involved in the action and mystery. He reminds me, in many ways, of my teenage grandson - kind of 'normal' but kind of crazy - like all teenage boys.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2022
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John,
So, the plot thickens - this gets better and better - can't wait for it 'to be continued'. Yes, Remi is becoming an interesting character as he becomes more involved in the action and mystery. He reminds me, in many ways, of my teenage grandson - kind of 'normal' but kind of crazy - like all teenage boys.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2022
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Thank you, Ww, for the great review and the SIX. I'm excited to receive them from you. Thanks again, my friend.
Comment from Wendy G
Interesting chapter! You paused at the right moment to maintain the suspense. The limo driver is definitely known to Remi, and maybe has some sort of hold over him. Well written, and I am looking forward to the next chapter.
Wendy
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2022
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Interesting chapter! You paused at the right moment to maintain the suspense. The limo driver is definitely known to Remi, and maybe has some sort of hold over him. Well written, and I am looking forward to the next chapter.
Wendy
Comment Written 10-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2022
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Thank you for the great review, Wendy. I appreciate your staying with me.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Your story is moving along at a good pace that won't let the reader go. The limo (isn't it usually just called a stretch limo) and then the falling down young man certainly are attention grabbers. The sentence where Remi has a pancake in his hand seems to be missing something (maybe backpack?). This is a very interesting story and I look forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2022
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Your story is moving along at a good pace that won't let the reader go. The limo (isn't it usually just called a stretch limo) and then the falling down young man certainly are attention grabbers. The sentence where Remi has a pancake in his hand seems to be missing something (maybe backpack?). This is a very interesting story and I look forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2022
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Thank you, Carol. I'm happy you came back to read and that you are enjoying the story. I will revisit backpack? (did I make it two words?) lol. Thanks again
Comment from karenina
Oh, you do know how to keep us in suspense!
Remi's character is now multidimensional. The wheels are turning... Was "Godfather II" a foreshadowing of Remi's real father? The limo? An underworld connection? You scattered just enough crumbs to keep me in the hunt! Can't wait to see what "influence" Remi is under...
Karenina
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2022
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Oh, you do know how to keep us in suspense!
Remi's character is now multidimensional. The wheels are turning... Was "Godfather II" a foreshadowing of Remi's real father? The limo? An underworld connection? You scattered just enough crumbs to keep me in the hunt! Can't wait to see what "influence" Remi is under...
Karenina
Comment Written 10-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2022
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Hello my friend, Karenina. Yes, things are going to get sticky, Although I'm not sure how sticky as I haven't had a single thought in my head yet, lol. Thanks for staying with me and for your support and great reviews. You're da bomb! I was going to ask you how you thought Remi's character developed if you didn't mention him. Thanks for the validation of him.
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I was reading your work...and your mind!
(smirk)
K
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Reading my work is what I want you to do, but reading my mind could prove to be traumatic for you, lol. :)
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Just KIDDING! I have no superpowers. I barely have mere-human abilities!
LOL.
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LOL
Comment from lyenochka
It's too bad that Everett never found out that Remi wasn't related at all to his brother. I would think a simple DNA test could have also confirmed that Remi wasn't the son of Thaddeus. But it seems life went on and Everett had done his best to raise his nephew. I guess the limo might be related to Remi's real father?
Minor nits:
"Ahh, there he is, Remi blurted. (close quotes after is,)
"I'm a man of the cloth Remi Vitali, have some respect. "Are (comma after 'cloth' and no quotes before 'Are')
"By the way, this is the last root beer, Remi said (close quotes after 'beer,')
God Father Two. (Godfather II)
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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It's too bad that Everett never found out that Remi wasn't related at all to his brother. I would think a simple DNA test could have also confirmed that Remi wasn't the son of Thaddeus. But it seems life went on and Everett had done his best to raise his nephew. I guess the limo might be related to Remi's real father?
Minor nits:
"Ahh, there he is, Remi blurted. (close quotes after is,)
"I'm a man of the cloth Remi Vitali, have some respect. "Are (comma after 'cloth' and no quotes before 'Are')
"By the way, this is the last root beer, Remi said (close quotes after 'beer,')
God Father Two. (Godfather II)
Comment Written 09-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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Thank you, Helen, for the review and helpful critique. I have yards of ground to cover with this story, and perhaps all questions will be answered if I can keep my run of events in order, lol.
Comment from Ric Myworld
So, it looks like Remi is headed up the wrong path, which could have something to do with who his real father is, I'm guessing. But you sure have stirred up the ol' curiosity. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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So, it looks like Remi is headed up the wrong path, which could have something to do with who his real father is, I'm guessing. But you sure have stirred up the ol' curiosity. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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Thank you, my friend Ric, for the great review. I will have to use my brain and develop some clever twists, but that causes me pain, lol. I hope all is well, my friend. Thanks again
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is an interesting chapter, John. You've done a great job of giving a better look into Remi, but my first impression changed as the story moved forward, leaving many questions to be answered. I look forward to the next chapter.
One suggestion: "By the way, this is the last root beer, (")Remi said and straddled the arm of the couch. //( new paragraph) Everett shot him a glance and shook his head.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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This is an interesting chapter, John. You've done a great job of giving a better look into Remi, but my first impression changed as the story moved forward, leaving many questions to be answered. I look forward to the next chapter.
One suggestion: "By the way, this is the last root beer, (")Remi said and straddled the arm of the couch. //( new paragraph) Everett shot him a glance and shook his head.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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Thank you, Judy, for a great review. Yes, I have a lot of ground to cover. I'm still hoping to get the following parts out in a timely fashion. We shall see, lol. Thanks again for coming back to read.
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You?re most welcome, John.
Comment from royowen
Poor Everett, is Remi into drugs? He's suddenly becoming a problem by collapsing. I wonder if he's got some unsavoury connections, on top of Remi, perhaps not being Thaddeus' son. Well done, John, blessings Roy
Typo : Staying at Blake(')s tonight.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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Poor Everett, is Remi into drugs? He's suddenly becoming a problem by collapsing. I wonder if he's got some unsavoury connections, on top of Remi, perhaps not being Thaddeus' son. Well done, John, blessings Roy
Typo : Staying at Blake(')s tonight.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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Thank you for the great review, Roy.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
The limo, the man in the posh suit, and Remi, are connected, that's for sure. When Remi used his phone when he went outside, and the man used his, I think Remi phoned and told him to meet in the next road, or somewhere else. Why has Remi passed out, though? This must be all tied together, but I don't know how. Now I have to wait and hope you are not too long with the next part. Well done, John, I really enjoyed this part. :)) Sandra xxx
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reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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The limo, the man in the posh suit, and Remi, are connected, that's for sure. When Remi used his phone when he went outside, and the man used his, I think Remi phoned and told him to meet in the next road, or somewhere else. Why has Remi passed out, though? This must be all tied together, but I don't know how. Now I have to wait and hope you are not too long with the next part. Well done, John, I really enjoyed this part. :)) Sandra xxx
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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Thank you, Sandra, for the great review. I will try to get it out as quick as a jackrabbit, lol.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I'm guessing Remi is into drugs or the mafia. Maybe it has something to do with is real father. Hmm, I can't wait to find out. This is very well written and I enjoyed reading. Keep an eye on your dialogue.
"I'm a man of the cloth Remi Vitali, have some respect. "Are you going to stay in your suit to watch T.V?" (Omit the quotation marks in front of 'Are')
"By the way, this is the last root beer, Remi said and straddled the arm of the couch. Everett shot him a glance and shook his head. (need quotation marks after 'beer')
"Fridge, top left... Everett's voice trailed off as he pulled (need quotation marks after 'left...')
He pulled his bookbag onto his shoulder. I have to go; I'm late." (need quotation marks before 'I')
It's my nephew...(missing ending quotation marks)
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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I'm guessing Remi is into drugs or the mafia. Maybe it has something to do with is real father. Hmm, I can't wait to find out. This is very well written and I enjoyed reading. Keep an eye on your dialogue.
"I'm a man of the cloth Remi Vitali, have some respect. "Are you going to stay in your suit to watch T.V?" (Omit the quotation marks in front of 'Are')
"By the way, this is the last root beer, Remi said and straddled the arm of the couch. Everett shot him a glance and shook his head. (need quotation marks after 'beer')
"Fridge, top left... Everett's voice trailed off as he pulled (need quotation marks after 'left...')
He pulled his bookbag onto his shoulder. I have to go; I'm late." (need quotation marks before 'I')
It's my nephew...(missing ending quotation marks)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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Hi, Barbara; yes, I always miss a quotation or two in the dialogue. I have to edit it a bit better there. Thank you so much. You are always helpful.
