Blessed Brother/Part3
Reconciliations23 total reviews
Comment from kahpot
Wow! Claudia and Remi, this/your story is really coming together at this point and I feel like I am right amongst it all, an excellent read and very well written, I look forward to reading more****kahpot
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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Wow! Claudia and Remi, this/your story is really coming together at this point and I feel like I am right amongst it all, an excellent read and very well written, I look forward to reading more****kahpot
Comment Written 20-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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Thank you for returning to read and for the kind words, my friend; it is much appreciated, kahpot. I'm happy you're enjoying it as well.
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Sorry I am a bit slow, I am continually writing parts of your story in my "notebook" to help me with punctuation and flow as I am trying to write a story (short one)
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Nice! Anything I can do to help, let me know.
Comment from amahra
I like this story. I think you're doing a great job with reality and the supernatural as well. You seem to understand that even fiction needs to believe...for that, it needs reality to put it over. Loved the chapter's ending.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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I like this story. I think you're doing a great job with reality and the supernatural as well. You seem to understand that even fiction needs to believe...for that, it needs reality to put it over. Loved the chapter's ending.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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Thank you so much for your kind words. If It's coming from you, it means I'm doing something right. Thank you again, amahra.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
It was a good idea to change it to fantasy. A medallion that heals and brings back life is too wonderful to be real. Your story is very interesting and grabbed my attention so thoroughly that I may have missed something small, but I'm certain there is no major problem. I look forward to reading the next chapter.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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It was a good idea to change it to fantasy. A medallion that heals and brings back life is too wonderful to be real. Your story is very interesting and grabbed my attention so thoroughly that I may have missed something small, but I'm certain there is no major problem. I look forward to reading the next chapter.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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Thank you for your review, Carol. I'm happy you enjoyed it. It's always a pleasure to have you read. :)
Comment from Jay Squires
I had to smile and shake my head as I read through this chapter. You are a remarkable writer. You have mastered the delicate balance between narrative and dialogue -- something I imagine you developed it over time, by trial and error, as most seasoned writers have. It's nothing that can be taught, but has to be felt (or I swear, sniffed or tasted). You know it when it's right. And I can experience it as I read your words.
Anyway, here are a few notes I took as I read:
"Nurse, my brother's death has touched you, and I appreciate the sentiment as I'm sure he would have, but...." [I suggest only a three dot ellipsis here since it isn't a complete sentence, but an unfinished thought. You got me picking nits here, John, but it's because you don't offer me a needy text to read.]
Everett watched the nurse latch the freezer door, [Excellent use of narrative to fill a gap of time between two pieces of dialogue.]
"losing his mother to suicide. [The beginning "L" should be capped.]
He placed a palm on Thaddeus's chest and squeezed the Medallion in his other. [John, I think this could be clearer. Somehow, you need to describe Everett lifting the Medallion from under his shirt. I could visualize one palm on his chest, but drew a blank on him squeezing a previously unmentioned Medallion. It might just be me, but take a look at it, anyway.]
Sorry, my friend, I don't have a six for this!
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2022
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I had to smile and shake my head as I read through this chapter. You are a remarkable writer. You have mastered the delicate balance between narrative and dialogue -- something I imagine you developed it over time, by trial and error, as most seasoned writers have. It's nothing that can be taught, but has to be felt (or I swear, sniffed or tasted). You know it when it's right. And I can experience it as I read your words.
Anyway, here are a few notes I took as I read:
"Nurse, my brother's death has touched you, and I appreciate the sentiment as I'm sure he would have, but...." [I suggest only a three dot ellipsis here since it isn't a complete sentence, but an unfinished thought. You got me picking nits here, John, but it's because you don't offer me a needy text to read.]
Everett watched the nurse latch the freezer door, [Excellent use of narrative to fill a gap of time between two pieces of dialogue.]
"losing his mother to suicide. [The beginning "L" should be capped.]
He placed a palm on Thaddeus's chest and squeezed the Medallion in his other. [John, I think this could be clearer. Somehow, you need to describe Everett lifting the Medallion from under his shirt. I could visualize one palm on his chest, but drew a blank on him squeezing a previously unmentioned Medallion. It might just be me, but take a look at it, anyway.]
Sorry, my friend, I don't have a six for this!
Comment Written 04-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2022
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Thank you, Jay, for the generous review and honorable SIX-star mention. Your critiques are always super helpful; I will revisit and make those changes. I'm happy you came back to read. Best, JohnC
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Glad to be of help, my friend!
Comment from ShirleyT1
I will definitely have to read the previous parts of your story. Part 3 definitely stirred my inquiring mind. Your story is well-written, with mystery and history. I enjoyed it!
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2022
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I will definitely have to read the previous parts of your story. Part 3 definitely stirred my inquiring mind. Your story is well-written, with mystery and history. I enjoyed it!
Comment Written 03-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2022
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Thank you so much for your review, Shirley. I'm happy you enjoyed it.
Comment from Wendy G
I hadn't read the first parts but found this interesting right from the start to the end. Clear and careful writing as well. I will look forward to reading more.
Wendy
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2022
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I hadn't read the first parts but found this interesting right from the start to the end. Clear and careful writing as well. I will look forward to reading more.
Wendy
Comment Written 03-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2022
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Thank you, Wendy, for your review and comments. They're always appreciated.
Comment from Whitewave
John,
A clever continuation of all that's gone before and again you've got me hooked. Will Everett come to learn of Thaddeus's secrets? Looks like I'll have to wit for the next chapter.
(I believe Claudia was there with Thaddeus.)
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2022
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John,
A clever continuation of all that's gone before and again you've got me hooked. Will Everett come to learn of Thaddeus's secrets? Looks like I'll have to wit for the next chapter.
(I believe Claudia was there with Thaddeus.)
Comment Written 03-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2022
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Thank you, Ww, for the great review and comments.
Comment from lyenochka
Oh, I thought that Everett would have been relieved to know about that reconciliation. I guess he needs his own reconciliation first. I was sort of hoping he would have used the medallion but I also see the wisdom in not doing so. Great continuation!
Suggestions if you haven't changed these - I may be reading an old copy:
what relation Thaddeus is to, Remi?" (no comma)
It has a background (Open quotes needed)
I'm sorry, Father, (Open quotes needed)
my brother?" He whispered." (he whispered.) extra unneeded quotes here.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2022
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Oh, I thought that Everett would have been relieved to know about that reconciliation. I guess he needs his own reconciliation first. I was sort of hoping he would have used the medallion but I also see the wisdom in not doing so. Great continuation!
Suggestions if you haven't changed these - I may be reading an old copy:
what relation Thaddeus is to, Remi?" (no comma)
It has a background (Open quotes needed)
I'm sorry, Father, (Open quotes needed)
my brother?" He whispered." (he whispered.) extra unneeded quotes here.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2022
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Thank you for the review, Helen. Yes, I have made a few of those changes. I see one I did not. Thank you as always, my friend.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
You are doing a really good job writing this story. I can't wait for Everrett to figure the truth out.
"It has a background I'd rather not divulge for personal reasons, but Thaddeus is Remi's Father." (lower case 'f' on 'father')
"What secrets did you take with you, my brother?" He whispered." (omit quotation marks after 'whispered')
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2022
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You are doing a really good job writing this story. I can't wait for Everrett to figure the truth out.
"It has a background I'd rather not divulge for personal reasons, but Thaddeus is Remi's Father." (lower case 'f' on 'father')
"What secrets did you take with you, my brother?" He whispered." (omit quotation marks after 'whispered')
Comment Written 02-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2022
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Thank you for your review, Barbra; it is always an honor to have you read and critique. I will revisit and make those changes.
Comment from JoannaN
This story starts to be intriguing. Something strange has happened. There are some new questions to be answered. Keep writing :) I like the dialogue, it is natural, not forced.
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2022
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This story starts to be intriguing. Something strange has happened. There are some new questions to be answered. Keep writing :) I like the dialogue, it is natural, not forced.
Comment Written 02-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2022
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Thank you so much for your review, Joanna. It is much appreciated.
