All in the Cards
A rewritten chapter from Maddie Bridges' childhood.7 total reviews
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
Yes please, more and more! Your character description was spot on, and bringing Harry Potter into the story was much appreciated. I felt for that poor mother who had to have so much patience to read such a long saga out loud. kay
SPAG:
even if were mad at each other > even if we were mad at each other
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2024
  |
Yes please, more and more! Your character description was spot on, and bringing Harry Potter into the story was much appreciated. I felt for that poor mother who had to have so much patience to read such a long saga out loud. kay
SPAG:
even if were mad at each other > even if we were mad at each other
Comment Written 07-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2024
-
Nice catch! Thank you for that. This novella is still being edited, so I really appreciate any typo catches. Thanks so much for reading and for your kind review!
Comment from Nicki Hayes
I just found you and this is BRILLIANT. I will read every drop of it! I can't wait to know what happened, and what happens! There are little similarities to my own growing up, so it's fun to hear it come from Madeline's POV. Great job!
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2024
 |
I just found you and this is BRILLIANT. I will read every drop of it! I can't wait to know what happened, and what happens! There are little similarities to my own growing up, so it's fun to hear it come from Madeline's POV. Great job!
Comment Written 07-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2024
-
Oh, bless you, Nicki. I really appreciate your review. If you have any suggestions or problems with these chapters, please let me know. This piece is a novella to back up my upcoming Book II in the series, and since it's still unpublished, I'd appreciate any advice or typo catches. Thanks again. (Book I is Planted on Perry Street, available on Amazon, but also here on FanStory.)
Comment from Fleedleflump
'What once was Georgie's right was now a commodity.' - love this phrase, very clever way of putting it.
'"You know how those Brits talk," said the lady. "Went to 'er shop taday, ditt-nee? 'Had on 'is green britches again, ditt-nee?"' - speaking as a Brit, I am ... chuckling while I read ;-)
I very much enjoyed this chapter. There's a lot of telling early on but that works as it then settles into story mode. Great final line, creating a cliffhanger without being too obvious about it.
Mike
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
|
'What once was Georgie's right was now a commodity.' - love this phrase, very clever way of putting it.
'"You know how those Brits talk," said the lady. "Went to 'er shop taday, ditt-nee? 'Had on 'is green britches again, ditt-nee?"' - speaking as a Brit, I am ... chuckling while I read ;-)
I very much enjoyed this chapter. There's a lot of telling early on but that works as it then settles into story mode. Great final line, creating a cliffhanger without being too obvious about it.
Mike
Comment Written 17-May-2022
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
-
Oh, thank you a million times over, Mike! I appreciate your time on this one.
Comment from prettybluebirds
This is extremely well written. The dialogue is smooth and the descriptions add a lot to the story. I can relate to fighting over the front seat because I and my siblings always haggled over one thing or another. I wish you good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
|
This is extremely well written. The dialogue is smooth and the descriptions add a lot to the story. I can relate to fighting over the front seat because I and my siblings always haggled over one thing or another. I wish you good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 13-May-2022
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
-
Thank you so much!
Comment from Haylee Hemphill
Hello!
I gave you the six star rating because you simply deserve it! Your story is very well written and captures the readers attention. I am trying to stem into fiction a lot more, but I don't think I could be as good as most of you on here! Thank you for sharing.
One Love
Haylee
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
|
Hello!
I gave you the six star rating because you simply deserve it! Your story is very well written and captures the readers attention. I am trying to stem into fiction a lot more, but I don't think I could be as good as most of you on here! Thank you for sharing.
One Love
Haylee
Comment Written 13-May-2022
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
-
Oh, Haylee. You just made my day. Thank you so much for your kind words and the stars!
Comment from royowen
I think you've described my mother to a T, she eas incapable of admitting she was wrong, and definitely a grumpy, Persian, although really she was a good mum, she cooked beautifully nutritious meals, and dressed me well. As all my siblings. This is beautifully written, I enjoyed reading, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
|
I think you've described my mother to a T, she eas incapable of admitting she was wrong, and definitely a grumpy, Persian, although really she was a good mum, she cooked beautifully nutritious meals, and dressed me well. As all my siblings. This is beautifully written, I enjoyed reading, blessings Roy
Comment Written 13-May-2022
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
-
Thank you, Roy! Yes, I fear that my personal mother issues always find a way to spill into my writing, lol. Have a great day, and thank you for your review!
-
You too
Comment from Erika Seshadri
Hello, I'm fresh out of six stars, but I had one left I'd give it to you for this spectacular piece of writing. Great narrative voice, interesting dialogue, creative premise for a story. No typos that I found.
The only thing I can criticize is the latin name of the plant. The genus name is capitalized (Origanum), but the species name should not be (dictamnus). And both should be in italics.
Fantastic job.
Cheers,
Erika
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
|
Hello, I'm fresh out of six stars, but I had one left I'd give it to you for this spectacular piece of writing. Great narrative voice, interesting dialogue, creative premise for a story. No typos that I found.
The only thing I can criticize is the latin name of the plant. The genus name is capitalized (Origanum), but the species name should not be (dictamnus). And both should be in italics.
Fantastic job.
Cheers,
Erika
Comment Written 13-May-2022
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
-
Oh wow, thank you for that advice, Erika! I'll change that today. I really appreciate your insight!