Comment from Faith Williams

Excellent

Some great characterization here with Eigou and his teachings, Menes not asking Ilati to do 'women's work' and Ilati herself finding her inner strength.

Some great lines:
"There is always a choice. Fear and anger are your greatest foes, not Nysra and his army. Both will rob you of your mind and your power if you let them." Relevant words for today as well.

"A child does not rise from crawling to walking in a single day." Again, relevant words.

Suggestions to consider:
'Ilati drew (up) water from the well... ' I think you could delete 'up'

'Approaching from the direction of (the) freshly dug graves... ' Maybe add 'the' before freshly for better flow.

'Ilati found hope in that, some measure of relief easing the worst of the pain in her chest.' I stumbled over this sentence a little when reading. Maybe add a word after 'that'?

You do have a gift for keeping the reader engaged and wanting to read more.

 Comment Written 24-Apr-2023

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reply by the author on 24-Apr-2023

Thanks. I?ll take a look at those spots and see what I can do. I?ll definitely make a note to clarify that sentence.

Comment from Erika Seshadri

Excellent

Hello! I haven't been on FanStory much lately. It's good to see some of your writing again. Very creative, nicely executed. Well done.

Cheers!
Erika

 Comment Written 27-Apr-2022

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reply by the author on 30-Apr-2022

Thank you very much! I really appreciate it and I'm sorry about the delay in respond. I hope you have a great day!

Comment from Shirley McLain

Excellent

Another excellent chapter for your book. Why are they training Ilani? Is it just for survival or something else?
You kept it active and me reading. Great job. Shirley

 Comment Written 27-Apr-2022

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reply by the author on 30-Apr-2022

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing again. I really appreciate it and I hope you have a wonderful day.