Faded Red Kayak
tanka21 total reviews
Comment from Sarah Tummey
I liked the line about the old cottage, closed and shuttered. It just evokes a sense of sadness that so much is in the past. Obviously it's your poem, but if I were you, I might change the last line to either: "A for-sale sign hangs out front", or "For -sale sign hangs out the front". I think I've learnt from being a member here that a Tanka doesn't have to be 5-7-5-7-7, but I like them better that way.
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reply by the author on 09-May-2022
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I liked the line about the old cottage, closed and shuttered. It just evokes a sense of sadness that so much is in the past. Obviously it's your poem, but if I were you, I might change the last line to either: "A for-sale sign hangs out front", or "For -sale sign hangs out the front". I think I've learnt from being a member here that a Tanka doesn't have to be 5-7-5-7-7, but I like them better that way.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-May-2022
reply by the author on 09-May-2022
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Sorry you feel that way, but anyone that writes tanka knows it doesn't have to be that syllable count. NONETHELESS, it's your review.
Comment from Jesse James Doty
The artwork is gorgeous and the tanka is well done but the artwork shows a kayak with people in it seemingly having fun. Rather than an old red kayak with paddles getting rusted. So which is it? I suppose you found this lovely artwork and thought it was the closest thing to what you have written. I need to take this into account. Don't worry, I have done the same thing myself.
Thanks for sharing this creative tanka.
Have a beautiful day,
Jesse
reply by the author on 09-May-2022
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The artwork is gorgeous and the tanka is well done but the artwork shows a kayak with people in it seemingly having fun. Rather than an old red kayak with paddles getting rusted. So which is it? I suppose you found this lovely artwork and thought it was the closest thing to what you have written. I need to take this into account. Don't worry, I have done the same thing myself.
Thanks for sharing this creative tanka.
Have a beautiful day,
Jesse
Comment Written 08-May-2022
reply by the author on 09-May-2022
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Thanks, Jesse. I was just desperately trying to find any pictures of single kayaks. Love the review, and no the tanka came first.
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I see and understand.
The tanka was good nonetheless.
Have a great week.
Jesse
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Very nice image and presentation, Val.
-You have written a good tanka
with a good topic.
-Effective imagery sets the scene in the opening lines.
-A good pivot line.
-Very good closing lines showing what
has happened to the property.
-Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 09-May-2022
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-Very nice image and presentation, Val.
-You have written a good tanka
with a good topic.
-Effective imagery sets the scene in the opening lines.
-A good pivot line.
-Very good closing lines showing what
has happened to the property.
-Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 08-May-2022
reply by the author on 09-May-2022
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Thank for this well written review.
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You are very welcome.
Comment from dragonpoet
Val,
This is a beautiful setting. I wouldn't want to sell the vacation house in this area. This seems to be a bit of personification of the remembrance of the kayak.
Congrats on placing third in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Joan
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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Val,
This is a beautiful setting. I wouldn't want to sell the vacation house in this area. This seems to be a bit of personification of the remembrance of the kayak.
Congrats on placing third in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Joan
Comment Written 08-May-2022
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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Thank you, and yes I chose to use personification on this one as tanka rules seem to be all over the map these days. I am usually a traditionalist, but I believe all three had a "touch" of personification. Nonetheless, thank you for the congratulations.
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You're welcome.
Joan
Comment from lyenochka
A very good story told in your tanka! From the first line, we see that the kayak is faded and you personify it with desire to be on the water but it is neglected because the family is no longer there.
Congratulations on your third place finish!!
reply by the author on 05-May-2022
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A very good story told in your tanka! From the first line, we see that the kayak is faded and you personify it with desire to be on the water but it is neglected because the family is no longer there.
Congratulations on your third place finish!!
Comment Written 05-May-2022
reply by the author on 05-May-2022
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Thank you so much!
Comment from June Sargent
A poignant piece that evokes memories of happier times on the lake - now sadly ending as the cottage goes up for sale. The dusty paddles was a good turning point. Well done.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2022
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A poignant piece that evokes memories of happier times on the lake - now sadly ending as the cottage goes up for sale. The dusty paddles was a good turning point. Well done.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2022
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Thank you for this lovely review
Comment from Janice Canerdy
Your skillfully-written, vividly descriptive tanka makes excellent use of personification to convey a touching message about how an object can outlive its usefulness.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2022
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Your skillfully-written, vividly descriptive tanka makes excellent use of personification to convey a touching message about how an object can outlive its usefulness.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2022
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What a beautiful review, and they are so rare. Thank you
Comment from K.L. Rockquemore
This is a wonderful example of a Tanka poem. A good contest entry that should do well. The photo and color story mirror the sentiment as it pulls the reader into the lake. Thank you for sharing your talent.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2022
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This is a wonderful example of a Tanka poem. A good contest entry that should do well. The photo and color story mirror the sentiment as it pulls the reader into the lake. Thank you for sharing your talent.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2022
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Thank you for the beautiful review
Comment from jusylee72
Great poem with a message that explains the loss of a special place. The for sale sign truly got to me and let me realize the moments when I had to give up something special and move on. Beautiful Tanks, Thank you.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2022
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Great poem with a message that explains the loss of a special place. The for sale sign truly got to me and let me realize the moments when I had to give up something special and move on. Beautiful Tanks, Thank you.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2022
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Well, thank you for this lovely review.
Comment from John Ciarmello
It sounds to me you've sold a family camp you've grown up in. That's always a hard thing to go through. It's almost like losing an old friend. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2022
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It sounds to me you've sold a family camp you've grown up in. That's always a hard thing to go through. It's almost like losing an old friend. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2022
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Thank you for the review