Aging's a Beach! (es)
Senior moments that sometimes freaks us!35 total reviews
Comment from karenina
Six-star worthy...but it's later in the week and I am hours into a marathon sweep through your portfolio to find (amazingly) all the posts I somehow missed! This one might as well just say it's about me... (Especially the Reeses! I need a twelve-step meeting for my addiction...
Karenina
  |
Six-star worthy...but it's later in the week and I am hours into a marathon sweep through your portfolio to find (amazingly) all the posts I somehow missed! This one might as well just say it's about me... (Especially the Reeses! I need a twelve-step meeting for my addiction...
Karenina
Comment Written 17-Aug-2023
Comment from dragonpoet
Debi,
I like Doctor Seuss too. His humor is unique. He would be hard to copy.
This is witty and tells the effect of trying to keep anything natural in too long. It reeks havoc.
Congrats on winning the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Joan
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2022
|
Debi,
I like Doctor Seuss too. His humor is unique. He would be hard to copy.
This is witty and tells the effect of trying to keep anything natural in too long. It reeks havoc.
Congrats on winning the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Joan
Comment Written 15-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2022
-
Thanks Joan! I completely understand what your saying. Lol, with silly humor it starts to get contagious, and after a while, you just can't stop. Haha!
Thanks for your feedback, as I always find it valuable.
-
No problem, Debi.
Joan
Comment from Terry Broxson
This is the contest winner and rightly so! Congratulations. You have been very creative with the subject and the rhymes are fantastic. Excellent work. Terry.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2022
|
This is the contest winner and rightly so! Congratulations. You have been very creative with the subject and the rhymes are fantastic. Excellent work. Terry.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2022
-
Terry, thank you so much for your kind review & very nice comments.
I am always so happy when I see certain names like you and so many friends, because I know that I will get helpful feedback (or/ and) kind comments. Someday I am going to write a poem about my wonderful friends on FanStory, and you know I will be talking about you too.
Comment from Frank Malley
"Aging's a Beach(es)" is a funny poem in tetrameter which sticks to an abbb rhyme scheme. Sneezing, or sternutation, is a familiar act often occurring with a suddenness that causes embarrassing outcomes. Such outcomes cannot always be made private because of their commonness and suddenness, but this poem mainly deals with the experience of sneezing in social situations, and concludes with a subtle reference to the flatulence that can be enabled by sneezing. There are a few flaws in punctuation, and there are small errors in verb agreement in order to make some rhymes work. There could've been some cloaked references to spray and snot; there are not, and some funny possibilities are overlooked.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2022
 |
"Aging's a Beach(es)" is a funny poem in tetrameter which sticks to an abbb rhyme scheme. Sneezing, or sternutation, is a familiar act often occurring with a suddenness that causes embarrassing outcomes. Such outcomes cannot always be made private because of their commonness and suddenness, but this poem mainly deals with the experience of sneezing in social situations, and concludes with a subtle reference to the flatulence that can be enabled by sneezing. There are a few flaws in punctuation, and there are small errors in verb agreement in order to make some rhymes work. There could've been some cloaked references to spray and snot; there are not, and some funny possibilities are overlooked.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2022
-
Thanks so much Frank, for the awesome review and feedback. Funny you would say that about possibilities that were overlooked. As 2 of my grandsons are here, they always help me to stand up with both of my knees needing replacements this Summer. I had read them the poem, as we always rhymed everything when they were little. Right after they helped me up, I said, "Oh my poor knees'es!" So since I know that Dr Seuss didn't worry too much about grammar, I had to do the same in order to have fun with it. And lol, I can't believe how much the rules have changed for caps & punctuation. If I would have ever started a poem without caps and no punctuation on the ends, I would have failed.
-
I enjoyed your response. All the best. Frank
Comment from lyenochka
This is such a cute story poem and your told us about a humorous sneeze in five quatrains which are all mono-rhymed! I'm glad she didn't hold in that sneeze and still got her Reese's !
Our live's are only here on leases, (lives) plural not possessive
Congratulations on the win!!
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2022
|
This is such a cute story poem and your told us about a humorous sneeze in five quatrains which are all mono-rhymed! I'm glad she didn't hold in that sneeze and still got her Reese's !
Our live's are only here on leases, (lives) plural not possessive
Congratulations on the win!!
Comment Written 15-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2022
-
I thank you so much for your helpful feedback & very kind review.
Lol, I had it the right way in the first place and a well meaning reviewer insisted that I had it wrong. Haha! I should have stuck with my own feelings, so thank you very much!
-
Those apostrophes are such a problem for people these days. It doesn't help that Autocorrect on phones give the wrong grammatical one. Yes, you should have stuck to your first intuition!
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Haha, what a fun poem. I enjoyed reading it, Debi.
I like the mono rhyme of sorts--like Dr. Suess, as
you mentioned. For a poem such as this, it worked
well. Of course anything wrong can be made right
with a Reeses. Congratulations on your win.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2022
|
Haha, what a fun poem. I enjoyed reading it, Debi.
I like the mono rhyme of sorts--like Dr. Suess, as
you mentioned. For a poem such as this, it worked
well. Of course anything wrong can be made right
with a Reeses. Congratulations on your win.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 14-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2022
-
Jan, thank you so much for your kind review & very nice comments.
I am always so happy when I see certain names like you and so many friends, because I know that I will get helpful feedback (or/ and) kind comments. Someday I am going to write a poem about my wonderful friends on FanStory, and you know I will be talking about you too. Thanks again Jan!
-
🐈⬛😊❤️
Comment from Teri7
I can see why you won this contest. This poem is just too cute. You used great descriptive words and very cute imagery from the art work you chose. Thanks for making me smile! I am in that category these days! lol love and blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2022
|
I can see why you won this contest. This poem is just too cute. You used great descriptive words and very cute imagery from the art work you chose. Thanks for making me smile! I am in that category these days! lol love and blessings, Teri
Comment Written 14-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2022
-
Teri. thank you so much for your kind review & very nice comments.
I am always so happy when I see certain names like you and so many friends, because I know that I will get helpful feedback (or/ and) kind comments. Someday I am going to write a poem about my wonderful friends on FanStory, and you know I will be talking about you too.
Comment from jessizero
I like that you led the reader to believe one thing when in actuality it is something different entirely. I am glad the old lady still had her Reese's. Best wishes!
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2022
|
I like that you led the reader to believe one thing when in actuality it is something different entirely. I am glad the old lady still had her Reese's. Best wishes!
Comment Written 14-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2022
-
Thank you Jesse, I love Dr Seuss, so it just felt like the right time to make fun of the aging process, as yesterday I was your age and then I blinked!
So since there's nothing I can do about it, I just try to be cheerful and laugh!
Thanks for your kind review! I truly appreciate it!
Comment from Wendy G
Very clever poem combining humour well with a serious subject. Fortunately she manages! Your rhyming is very effective and well done. Best wishes for your entry in the contest.
Wendy
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2022
|
Very clever poem combining humour well with a serious subject. Fortunately she manages! Your rhyming is very effective and well done. Best wishes for your entry in the contest.
Wendy
Comment Written 14-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2022
-
You are so very kind Wendy, as it was a fun try for a Dr Seuss style of poetry.
I have so much fun with my grandkids, as we rhyme things the one says.
There's nothing more rewarding to me than the laughter of children, and laughing along with them. That's why I picked this serious subject, and since I can't do anything about it, why not laugh? Thank you again for your very nice review and encouragement!
Comment from Paul McFarland
Nice attempt at the doc's style. There's one line where the
grammar could be improved. If I may,
I hope that soon my sneezes, ceases
What do you think about
I hope that soon my sneezing ceases
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2022
|
Nice attempt at the doc's style. There's one line where the
grammar could be improved. If I may,
I hope that soon my sneezes, ceases
What do you think about
I hope that soon my sneezing ceases
Comment Written 14-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2022
-
Thanks Paul your gracious & kind review!
I love feedback, and I love your suggestion, but wondering if Dr Seuss worried about grammar when over rhyming a silly poem. Y'know what I mean? However I am so grateful for you suggesting it and I will go back and see how it sounds. I have such respect for you as an author, so I hope that you don't misunderstand what I was saying. Thank you so much, my friend.
-
I understand completely.
-
Paul, I just want to tell you that I have struggled with being a yes person all my life, and as part of my therapy, they say to speak up. But I always care about others feelings, so bless you for understanding.
-
There is a difference between a "yes" person and one who always tries to find a way to make things work. You might be the latter.
-
Paul, I did look at my poem, and after reading that part over a few times, I liked your suggestion and changed it. Thank you & I truly appreciate it!
-
Bless You!!!!