Comment from juliaSjames

Excellent

Excellent imagery of the loved one. Asleep or awake she is in the care of a benevolent universe. The last line could refer to the author or to the Divine.

In these short poems the title can enhance or amplify the write. Something to bear in mind for the future. Also every word/ syllable counts. Adjectives could have been used instead of the definite article when referring to the moon and sun.

However I think this is a worthy entry just as it is and should do well in the contest

Best of luck

Stay safe and blessed

Julia

 Comment Written 18-Feb-2022

---

reply by the author on 18-Feb-2022

Thanks, Julia. For the kind review,Take care,
Jane

reply by juliaSjames on 18-Feb-2022

You're welcome

Comment from Hannah Baham

Average

Very pretty verses, my criticism is that I wish it were longer. Even still, it's a beautiful narrative of how love can seem to make every contradiction work and every opposite complimentary and beautiful.

 Comment Written 18-Feb-2022

---

reply by the author on 18-Feb-2022

Thanks, Hannah.
I appreciate your kind words.

Comment from mrsmajor

Excellent

The moon guards her dreams...I like that first line, made me think for a moment, this is a good entry for the contest. Good Luck in the contest.

Regards,
Victoria

 Comment Written 18-Feb-2022

---

reply by the author on 18-Feb-2022

Thanks, Victoria.
It?s good to know what works in a poem.
Jane

Comment from the13thpoet

Excellent

Hello Jane a fantastic Friday to you, I hope this finds you well. I liked your 5-7-5 Poem contest entry, you executed it well. Good job and good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 18-Feb-2022

---

reply by the author on 18-Feb-2022

Thanks so much for your praise. I appreciate it.

Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Hi there,

All syllables present and correct in this finely written piece. i think I just read another piece of yours and am sensing a sun/mon theme at play in your work. lol

All the best
GMG

 Comment Written 18-Feb-2022

---

reply by the author on 18-Feb-2022

Thanks so much. I am fascinated by nature and the universe. So glad you like this piece.
Jane

Comment from Carolyn Dooley

Excellent

Short and beautiful. I enjoyed reading your heartfelt poem. You have a great talent. I want to wish you well. I hope, you win the contest. You tell a story without a lot of words.

 Comment Written 18-Feb-2022

---

reply by the author on 18-Feb-2022

Thank you so much for your generous praise.

reply by Carolyn Dooley on 18-Feb-2022

You are welcome.