Concertina
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "666 or 777?"Vietnam veteran comes to the end of his denial.
8 total reviews
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Things don't seem like they are going well for Lee. Whether he's going to heaven or hell, he doesn't seem to have any idea how to find his potential son. And getting drunk is for sure not the way. Now what?
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2022
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Things don't seem like they are going well for Lee. Whether he's going to heaven or hell, he doesn't seem to have any idea how to find his potential son. And getting drunk is for sure not the way. Now what?
Comment Written 14-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2022
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Hi, Carol. Chapter 13 (Dead Man Walking) has been posted and chapter 14(The Power of Prayer) will be posted tomorrow. Thank you for the review. Yard.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Good writing.
I assume this is several chapters in and characters are all properly introduced.
Sounds like the protagonist, Lee, is just about at his last chapter, too many clicks off center.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2022
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Good writing.
I assume this is several chapters in and characters are all properly introduced.
Sounds like the protagonist, Lee, is just about at his last chapter, too many clicks off center.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2022
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Thanks, Wayne. Yes, this is chapter 12 and the surprising end is just around the corner. Hope you come along for the ride. Yard.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
My worry for Lee continued. I am not sure pushing Agent Chien was a wise thing to do, but I'm not sure he had any other choice. Now he's on the run. Hmmm, I am concerned. Thank you for sharing. I really like the story.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2022
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My worry for Lee continued. I am not sure pushing Agent Chien was a wise thing to do, but I'm not sure he had any other choice. Now he's on the run. Hmmm, I am concerned. Thank you for sharing. I really like the story.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2022
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Hi, Barbara. Lee is running in the right direction. Stay tuned.
Comment from Susan Newell
Yard,
This is spectacular. I can't say enough about the authenticity. I liked the 666 vs. 777 -- always choices. I like the comparison of the hotel civility and the Bunker's depravity. I continue to appreciate Lee's struggle with the voices trying to tell him something, always taunting. But what? I began to think of the tunnels as an analogy for the bar. Enter through the security gate and you don't know what to expect, except booby traps everywhere, unknown perils, and the desire to get out. Zip going through the trap door added to that imagery. Chien's analysis of vets added a lot. I have a feeling that life isn't going to get easier for Lee for a while. Exceptional storytelling.
Sue
Lee felt nauseous and began to sweat as Agent Chien asked him -- common error ==> nauseated (nauseous describes something that makes people feel ill)
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2022
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Yard,
This is spectacular. I can't say enough about the authenticity. I liked the 666 vs. 777 -- always choices. I like the comparison of the hotel civility and the Bunker's depravity. I continue to appreciate Lee's struggle with the voices trying to tell him something, always taunting. But what? I began to think of the tunnels as an analogy for the bar. Enter through the security gate and you don't know what to expect, except booby traps everywhere, unknown perils, and the desire to get out. Zip going through the trap door added to that imagery. Chien's analysis of vets added a lot. I have a feeling that life isn't going to get easier for Lee for a while. Exceptional storytelling.
Sue
Lee felt nauseous and began to sweat as Agent Chien asked him -- common error ==> nauseated (nauseous describes something that makes people feel ill)
Comment Written 13-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2022
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Hi, Sue. Thanks for the six, and suggestion. Change made.
And, special grateful thanks for your continued interest and insight.!
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You are very welcome. I've been a little under the weather so may get a little behind with reviews, but I'm anticipating the next chapter with great interest.
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is another engaging chapter, Yard. You're doing a great job telling the story most non-military readers, like me, had no understanding about. I look forward to reading more.
One missing word: "he was ready (to) find his own way."
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2022
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This is another engaging chapter, Yard. You're doing a great job telling the story most non-military readers, like me, had no understanding about. I look forward to reading more.
One missing word: "he was ready (to) find his own way."
Comment Written 13-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2022
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Thanks, Judy. More is coming, stay tuned. Yard
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You[re welcome, Yard.
Comment from Frank Malley
I struggled to get a clear time sequence in this short vignette about a psychologically troubled American soldier named Lee. He hears Viet Namese voices and is present in a very threatening barroom where he converses and is taunted by fellow GIs. Than a Viet Namese officer starts interrogating Lee, who is disclosed to the reader to be desperate to get to some safe, stable place. If author Yardier's intention was to create this trouble consciousness in a clamorous bar with a brothel attached, he succeeds. I think that the dialogue and the internal character ideation could perhaps use fewer words and unnecessary explications, especially since this is part of a book which would be continuously developing action, character, and setting. I regret that many authors feel my remarks about needing to say less while establishing more are insulting; this is not my intent. I read a lot, and I am very aware of whether a book hooks me or not; if it doesn't hook me, it feels like work to read it - which, unfortunately, the excerpt feels like. All the best.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2022
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I struggled to get a clear time sequence in this short vignette about a psychologically troubled American soldier named Lee. He hears Viet Namese voices and is present in a very threatening barroom where he converses and is taunted by fellow GIs. Than a Viet Namese officer starts interrogating Lee, who is disclosed to the reader to be desperate to get to some safe, stable place. If author Yardier's intention was to create this trouble consciousness in a clamorous bar with a brothel attached, he succeeds. I think that the dialogue and the internal character ideation could perhaps use fewer words and unnecessary explications, especially since this is part of a book which would be continuously developing action, character, and setting. I regret that many authors feel my remarks about needing to say less while establishing more are insulting; this is not my intent. I read a lot, and I am very aware of whether a book hooks me or not; if it doesn't hook me, it feels like work to read it - which, unfortunately, the excerpt feels like. All the best.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2022
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Thank you, Mr. Malley. I am pleased you see the troubled consciousness. And, I am doubly pleased you felt like it was work to read. For, it has been my intent from Lee's nightmare in chapter one, to, indeed, trouble the reader with the ache, depth and despair of PTSD. Twenty two veterans commit suicide each day. So when one stands in line at the store behind a disheveled man, perhaps after reading Concertina from beginning to end, they will understand why his shoes are unlaced. Thanks, again. Yard.
Comment from Maria Millsaps
I found your style to be interesting. You set up a good foundation for many possibilities in your story. The setting reminds me of a scene in the movie, "The Deer Hunter." The message I got was similar, in which military honor quickly becomes shattered by the inhumanities of war and those who survived continue to struggle with PTSD and toxic memories. Good chapter.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2022
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I found your style to be interesting. You set up a good foundation for many possibilities in your story. The setting reminds me of a scene in the movie, "The Deer Hunter." The message I got was similar, in which military honor quickly becomes shattered by the inhumanities of war and those who survived continue to struggle with PTSD and toxic memories. Good chapter.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2022
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Thank you, Maria. The Deer Hunter is one of my favorite 'Nam movies. If you like the genre, De Niro plays a great 'Nam vet in 'Jackknife'. (1989)
All the best, Yard.
Comment from Ric Myworld
When you can't drown those haunting voices with alcohol or beat your head against the wall enough that they give up and go away, it's time to lock yourself inside and hope the building doesn't collapse before sunrise. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2022
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When you can't drown those haunting voices with alcohol or beat your head against the wall enough that they give up and go away, it's time to lock yourself inside and hope the building doesn't collapse before sunrise. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2022
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Thanks, Ric, I can always count on your eyes being wide open. If you like the genre, De Niro plays a great 'Nam vet in 'Jackknife'. (1989) I think you'll like it. Yard.
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I'll check it out. Thanks for the tip.
