Wilderness Redemption Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "Everybody Hurts"Shenanigans on the frontier
19 total reviews
Comment from Versch
I haven't read any of the previous chapters, but this seems to be an interesting plot. The dialogues sound realistic. The narratives, although short, flow well. Best wishes to your writing. Ver
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2022
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I haven't read any of the previous chapters, but this seems to be an interesting plot. The dialogues sound realistic. The narratives, although short, flow well. Best wishes to your writing. Ver
Comment Written 13-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2022
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Thank you very much Ver. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my latest chapter.
Comment from lyenochka
Poor Doo! And those gals are spunky! I'm glad that you have interspersed Shawnee into the dialogue making it more realistic. I also like how Richard is realistic about his own abilities and knew he needed help getting to Pittsburg.
Suggestions unless you already fixed:
"That's the general idea, now lets get moving." (let's)
new rifles don't you," (rifles, don't you?")
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2022
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Poor Doo! And those gals are spunky! I'm glad that you have interspersed Shawnee into the dialogue making it more realistic. I also like how Richard is realistic about his own abilities and knew he needed help getting to Pittsburg.
Suggestions unless you already fixed:
"That's the general idea, now lets get moving." (let's)
new rifles don't you," (rifles, don't you?")
Comment Written 12-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2022
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my latest chapter.
Comment from dellsworthpoet
A nice passage. The pace is good. The vocabulary is appropriate. The dialogue is believable. The characters seem well developed. The images are clear. The intro to the story as being a story in a story is well handled.
A good read. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2022
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A nice passage. The pace is good. The vocabulary is appropriate. The dialogue is believable. The characters seem well developed. The images are clear. The intro to the story as being a story in a story is well handled.
A good read. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2022
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my book.
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You are welcome.
Comment from nomi338
That was an exciting account, described so well that I felt as though I was watching it via video. Everything took place in very good sequence. I think I might want to read more of this account in the future. I look forward to the next episode.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2022
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That was an exciting account, described so well that I felt as though I was watching it via video. Everything took place in very good sequence. I think I might want to read more of this account in the future. I look forward to the next episode.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2022
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Thank you very much that is a very high compliment. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my book.
Comment from lauralumummu
Well Earl I think someone is giving Lois Lamour a run for his money. I love westerns grew up on them and My Dad fancied himself as a John Wayne prototype LOL. This is well written and I am sure the book will be a smash hit. All the best, Laura.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2022
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Well Earl I think someone is giving Lois Lamour a run for his money. I love westerns grew up on them and My Dad fancied himself as a John Wayne prototype LOL. This is well written and I am sure the book will be a smash hit. All the best, Laura.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2022
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Thank you very much for the six stars Laura. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my book.
Comment from robyn corum
Earl,
I do love the way you put your characters through so much pain and heartache. It hurts me but as a writer I can appreciate it so much! This was a good chapter - a little long, but interesting!
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2022
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Earl,
I do love the way you put your characters through so much pain and heartache. It hurts me but as a writer I can appreciate it so much! This was a good chapter - a little long, but interesting!
Comment Written 11-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2022
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Thank you very much Robyn. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my book.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I enjoyed reading this story and need to become a fan so I don't miss any more of your writing.
"I said I did, didn't I. (question mark needed after 'I')
"We should go after them," (not sure who said this, but probably needs a period after it.)
"You realize there are 40 braves armed with new rifles don't you," Clancy asked. (comma need after 'rifles' and a question mark after 'you')
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2022
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I enjoyed reading this story and need to become a fan so I don't miss any more of your writing.
"I said I did, didn't I. (question mark needed after 'I')
"We should go after them," (not sure who said this, but probably needs a period after it.)
"You realize there are 40 braves armed with new rifles don't you," Clancy asked. (comma need after 'rifles' and a question mark after 'you')
Comment Written 11-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2022
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my book.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
You have an interesting story that I know I have read some of before. The girls were just as independent as always and Doo doesn't know when to be quiet. You should read your story aloud to yourself and you would catch the missing word or part of word like: Back to her (has) the thoughts . . . Doo felt like (is) legs . . . As (quit) as he could be he (eared) back the hammer. . . And there are a few more missing words.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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You have an interesting story that I know I have read some of before. The girls were just as independent as always and Doo doesn't know when to be quiet. You should read your story aloud to yourself and you would catch the missing word or part of word like: Back to her (has) the thoughts . . . Doo felt like (is) legs . . . As (quit) as he could be he (eared) back the hammer. . . And there are a few more missing words.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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Thank you for the five stars. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from Judy Lawless
Not considering the content (I'm not much into cowboys and Indians) this is a well written and interesting chapter to your book. The characters are strong and the dialogue appropriate. Well done.
I did find a number of spags though: "The feelings of anger and helplessness came rushing back to her has(as) the thoughts of Smythe's treachery were as vivid as the day they happened."
"Neither McGraw (nor) the Shawnees offered him any assistance..." - the rule here is either goes with or; neither goes with nor.
"He looked like a fish out of water as (he) tried to get his breath back."
"As quit(quiet) as he could he eared back the hammer."
"somebody moving at a rapic (rapid) pace"
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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Not considering the content (I'm not much into cowboys and Indians) this is a well written and interesting chapter to your book. The characters are strong and the dialogue appropriate. Well done.
I did find a number of spags though: "The feelings of anger and helplessness came rushing back to her has(as) the thoughts of Smythe's treachery were as vivid as the day they happened."
"Neither McGraw (nor) the Shawnees offered him any assistance..." - the rule here is either goes with or; neither goes with nor.
"He looked like a fish out of water as (he) tried to get his breath back."
"As quit(quiet) as he could he eared back the hammer."
"somebody moving at a rapic (rapid) pace"
Comment Written 10-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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Thank you for the pointers. I thought I'd edited it well enough. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story.
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You?re welcome, Earl. Sometimes it just takes another pair of eyes.
Comment from royowen
With Doo and the girls being held captive by the Shawnee, and Doo about to run the gauntlet, it strikes me the American Indians had some incredible ways of killing their victims, particularly if it was revenge they were seeking. Been awhile since I've read one Earl, well done, blessings Roy
Typo : As (quit) as he could. Quick?
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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With Doo and the girls being held captive by the Shawnee, and Doo about to run the gauntlet, it strikes me the American Indians had some incredible ways of killing their victims, particularly if it was revenge they were seeking. Been awhile since I've read one Earl, well done, blessings Roy
Typo : As (quit) as he could. Quick?
Comment Written 10-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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Thank you for the five stars Roy. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
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Most welcome