Concertina
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Not a place to be."Vietnam veteran comes to the end of his denial.
9 total reviews
Comment from Ethan Vandervelden
I really enjoyed this chapter. It made me feel as if I was in the mind of a vet. I also really appreciated the legend at the bottom as I am a Canadian and the lingo is a little unfamiliar. You have found a good balance between what Lee is seeing and reality and it did not strike me as over-confusing which I was glad for.
I only saw one potential SPAG and it's pretty minor.
"The uneven concrete floor (either a comma or 'was') wet with urine" -- not necessarily required but I think it would read just a little smoother.
I can see myself reading this book and enjoying it very much, thank you for sharing, I admire your service to your country!
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2022
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I really enjoyed this chapter. It made me feel as if I was in the mind of a vet. I also really appreciated the legend at the bottom as I am a Canadian and the lingo is a little unfamiliar. You have found a good balance between what Lee is seeing and reality and it did not strike me as over-confusing which I was glad for.
I only saw one potential SPAG and it's pretty minor.
"The uneven concrete floor (either a comma or 'was') wet with urine" -- not necessarily required but I think it would read just a little smoother.
I can see myself reading this book and enjoying it very much, thank you for sharing, I admire your service to your country!
Comment Written 12-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2022
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Thank you, Ethan, for the kind review. Yes, I agree with you. The comma does make it flow better. I hope you continue to follow along as Lee begins to make choices. Yard.
Comment from royowen
I don't think I've read anything quite as the exposing of the mental condition of someone returning from a military conflict the tore the heart from, where they exited between reality and the twilight zone of unreality. I can a guy who seemed genuinely demon possessed, and seemed to encounter more in the front bar, he said they were there to entrap the drunks. Beautifully written, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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I don't think I've read anything quite as the exposing of the mental condition of someone returning from a military conflict the tore the heart from, where they exited between reality and the twilight zone of unreality. I can a guy who seemed genuinely demon possessed, and seemed to encounter more in the front bar, he said they were there to entrap the drunks. Beautifully written, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 10-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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Roy, you are the first to see the demonic trappings as the story unfolds. I think you will begin to see the subsequent chapters in a whole better light. Thanks again for your time and encouragement. Yard
Comment from Susan Newell
Yard,
You left me speechless and transfixed, spellbound until the end. The details lend so much authenticity (urinal, gecko, cat in the rain, beetle-juice stained teeth, etc., etc.). Learning more about Zip using the flamethrower in the tunnels was intriguing. The way you interwove reality and hallucinations was fantastic. I was really moved by every word. Bravo!
Sue
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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Yard,
You left me speechless and transfixed, spellbound until the end. The details lend so much authenticity (urinal, gecko, cat in the rain, beetle-juice stained teeth, etc., etc.). Learning more about Zip using the flamethrower in the tunnels was intriguing. The way you interwove reality and hallucinations was fantastic. I was really moved by every word. Bravo!
Sue
Comment Written 09-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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Awesome review, Sue. Thank you so much. Glad to see the words are having the desired effect. You are beginning to see the lines between the lines and the threads that make up the tapestry. It's going to get interesting. Now, where did I place my Kaleidoscope? LOL. Yard.
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You are very welcome.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I surely hope Lee gets the help he needs. I am not positive Viet Nam is the place he should really be. I do hope it gets the desired results.
She smiled at him with beetle-nut-stained teeth, patted the seat next to her, (seat beside her)
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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I surely hope Lee gets the help he needs. I am not positive Viet Nam is the place he should really be. I do hope it gets the desired results.
She smiled at him with beetle-nut-stained teeth, patted the seat next to her, (seat beside her)
Comment Written 09-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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He's getting it.... It's coming....
Yard
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is another very emotional chapter, Yard. I feel badly for Lee, having all these strange visions. I wonder if he'll ever get to the task he went there for, so find out if he has a child. Well written.
A couple of suggestions: "Some surfers joined with(in,) upping the tempo with their dance moves..."
"Rivulets of blood stained the documents and trickled to the table's edge(, landing) onto Lee's hands(,) and (the) floor."
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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This is another very emotional chapter, Yard. I feel badly for Lee, having all these strange visions. I wonder if he'll ever get to the task he went there for, so find out if he has a child. Well written.
A couple of suggestions: "Some surfers joined with(in,) upping the tempo with their dance moves..."
"Rivulets of blood stained the documents and trickled to the table's edge(, landing) onto Lee's hands(,) and (the) floor."
Comment Written 09-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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Thanks for the suggestions, Judy. I made the changes and it reads much better. Yard.
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You're welcome, Yard. Glad you found them helpful.
Comment from Ric Myworld
I guess, we could say that the most detrimental things in life are not always real. And with enough mind altering events twisting reality, who knows what to believe some times. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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I guess, we could say that the most detrimental things in life are not always real. And with enough mind altering events twisting reality, who knows what to believe some times. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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You're welcome, Rider of the Purple Sage. You are beginning to see the lines between the lines and the threads that make up the tapestry. It's going to get interesting. Now, where did I place my Kaleidoscope?
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
SSSSSStupendous--Vividly devastating. A tour de force of PTSD. Cheerssssss. LIZ
Zip continued to push the conversation while reminiscing about Monks who burned [their selves INTENTIONAL?]
bet they regret [waisting=>WASTING] the gas
"The [heads=>HEAD'S] right over there, troop."
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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SSSSSStupendous--Vividly devastating. A tour de force of PTSD. Cheerssssss. LIZ
Zip continued to push the conversation while reminiscing about Monks who burned [their selves INTENTIONAL?]
bet they regret [waisting=>WASTING] the gas
"The [heads=>HEAD'S] right over there, troop."
Comment Written 08-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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Awesome review, Liz. Thank you so much. Yes, monks preformed self-immolation on the streets of Saigon in protest to the war.
Glad to see the words are having the desired effect. You are beginning to see the lines between the lines and the threads that make up the tapestry. It's going to get interesting. Now, where did I place my Kaleidoscope? LOL. Yard.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Not a place to be, a chapter in the book Concertina, in this fiction, Lee Marason, a Vietnam veteran, is going further into the bunker, though he avoids the symptoms and denies that he is heading by degrees to a psychological and spiritual break down; well said, well done; post more. ALCREATOR LITT DEAR (D R)
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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Not a place to be, a chapter in the book Concertina, in this fiction, Lee Marason, a Vietnam veteran, is going further into the bunker, though he avoids the symptoms and denies that he is heading by degrees to a psychological and spiritual break down; well said, well done; post more. ALCREATOR LITT DEAR (D R)
Comment Written 08-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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Glad to see the words are having the desired effect, Al. You are beginning to see the lines between the lines and the threads that make up the tapestry. It's going to get interesting. Yard.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Lee seems like he's going down the tubes into full-blown paranoia. How will he ever find the woman he knew so long ago when he can't even find himself anymore?
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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Lee seems like he's going down the tubes into full-blown paranoia. How will he ever find the woman he knew so long ago when he can't even find himself anymore?
Comment Written 08-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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Good question, Carol. The answer is forthcoming. yard.
