Concertina
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Moonlight Sonata"Vietnam veteran comes to the end of his denial.
10 total reviews
Comment from Susan Newell
Wow, Yard. This chapter just screams authenticity from start to finish. Lee's movement through geography and time, and attendant confusion from both is shown through his actions, reactions, memories and questions. I marvel at the perfection of your work. It is all worthy of note, but I've pulled out a few shown below that really hit me hard.
Elevator mirrors are fantastic -- so many Lees, all distorted
The lacquered piano scene is a great element
He watched through eyes scarred with combat cataracts and sadly realized, he did not know. - brilliant
The image alarmed him with the pressing thought the river current possessed fingers that could reach through the open patio doors and pull on a frayed thread he hid within his heart; A thread connected to a soulful spool deep within the shadows of buried memories. -- This is real upper echelon writing.
And, in that tomb of emptiness, he worried the once buried and scattered bones of guilt would begin to vibrate and rattle into the formation of the man he had become. -- Ditto
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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Wow, Yard. This chapter just screams authenticity from start to finish. Lee's movement through geography and time, and attendant confusion from both is shown through his actions, reactions, memories and questions. I marvel at the perfection of your work. It is all worthy of note, but I've pulled out a few shown below that really hit me hard.
Elevator mirrors are fantastic -- so many Lees, all distorted
The lacquered piano scene is a great element
He watched through eyes scarred with combat cataracts and sadly realized, he did not know. - brilliant
The image alarmed him with the pressing thought the river current possessed fingers that could reach through the open patio doors and pull on a frayed thread he hid within his heart; A thread connected to a soulful spool deep within the shadows of buried memories. -- This is real upper echelon writing.
And, in that tomb of emptiness, he worried the once buried and scattered bones of guilt would begin to vibrate and rattle into the formation of the man he had become. -- Ditto
Comment Written 31-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much for your review. I always appreciate your contribution to my work. Yard.
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Thank you for the opportunity to read your writing!
Comment from royowen
It seems Lee has journeyed back to Vietnam, sometime after leaving the conflict. Impacted by the conflict of being a young soldier, he finds himself in a hotel with some people belonging to a French flight crew, and a an expert pianist and assistant manager in Lee, who shuttles him off to an meeting place for Americans, an excellent post my friend, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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It seems Lee has journeyed back to Vietnam, sometime after leaving the conflict. Impacted by the conflict of being a young soldier, he finds himself in a hotel with some people belonging to a French flight crew, and a an expert pianist and assistant manager in Lee, who shuttles him off to an meeting place for Americans, an excellent post my friend, blessings Roy
Comment Written 31-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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Thank you, Roy.
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Always a pleasure
Comment from Ric Myworld
Instructional suggestions always tell us to write what we know. But in most cases, sharing our most intimate moments are wasted on readers who can't possibly grasp the power, depth, and generosity of our sharing. Then, once in a great while, a writer offers seepage closeups of their soul's bruised seams. Such intense feelings, overwhelming us with a haunting stench and trembling fibers on the verge of collapse, the only thing containing the innermost senses of mind and matter together, against all odds. I wish they gave us enough sixes to reward your work properly. Wishing you the Healthiest and Happiest New Year ever!
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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Instructional suggestions always tell us to write what we know. But in most cases, sharing our most intimate moments are wasted on readers who can't possibly grasp the power, depth, and generosity of our sharing. Then, once in a great while, a writer offers seepage closeups of their soul's bruised seams. Such intense feelings, overwhelming us with a haunting stench and trembling fibers on the verge of collapse, the only thing containing the innermost senses of mind and matter together, against all odds. I wish they gave us enough sixes to reward your work properly. Wishing you the Healthiest and Happiest New Year ever!
Comment Written 31-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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Ric, I am giving you a virtual six ****** for your in-depth review. I suspect your review could very well apply to your own writing. I look forward to reading more of your work. Yard.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I wish I had a six left, but I do not. Thank you for sharing this with us. I have become so absorbed in Lee's life that I am really worried about him. That's a sign of a good writer.
The man next to him introduced himself as a medical advisor with an investigative group searching for MIAs. (The man beside him)
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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I wish I had a six left, but I do not. Thank you for sharing this with us. I have become so absorbed in Lee's life that I am really worried about him. That's a sign of a good writer.
The man next to him introduced himself as a medical advisor with an investigative group searching for MIAs. (The man beside him)
Comment Written 31-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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Thank you, Barbara!
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is an exceptionally well written chapter, Yard. You get right to the core of the soul and the emotions, keeping the reader in your grasp. We can see the whole scenario with your great imagery. For sure worthy of the six stars.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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This is an exceptionally well written chapter, Yard. You get right to the core of the soul and the emotions, keeping the reader in your grasp. We can see the whole scenario with your great imagery. For sure worthy of the six stars.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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Thank you, Judy!
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You're welcome, Yard.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Trying to make sense of another time in the same place is hard when the memories are raw and damning. We cannot change the past and coming to terms with traumatic memories is difficult for those who suffered like this. As you say there is much guilt and resentment and bewilderment as they remember their buddies who were lost in this futile and unnecessary war. We heard the sounds and felt the emotions here in this in-depth and sensitive write, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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Trying to make sense of another time in the same place is hard when the memories are raw and damning. We cannot change the past and coming to terms with traumatic memories is difficult for those who suffered like this. As you say there is much guilt and resentment and bewilderment as they remember their buddies who were lost in this futile and unnecessary war. We heard the sounds and felt the emotions here in this in-depth and sensitive write, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 31-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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Thank you, Dolly!
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
What a beautiful and poignant return to Vietnam. Well-chosen chapter title for his reacquaintance with the Saigon River as Mr. Tran plays that melody. The war is gone and Lee is in need of what Mr. Tran offers him, the place where other old soldiers go to drink.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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What a beautiful and poignant return to Vietnam. Well-chosen chapter title for his reacquaintance with the Saigon River as Mr. Tran plays that melody. The war is gone and Lee is in need of what Mr. Tran offers him, the place where other old soldiers go to drink.
Comment Written 30-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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Thank you, Carol!
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
Even before I reached the end of this chapter of your novel, with the explanation of the title Concertina, I had decided that the overwhelming emotion evoked by your writing was confusion, confusion between times past and times present, and confusion generated by jet-lag. So allowing for my faulty expression, it seems that you are portraying closely what you intended. Well-done.
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2021
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Even before I reached the end of this chapter of your novel, with the explanation of the title Concertina, I had decided that the overwhelming emotion evoked by your writing was confusion, confusion between times past and times present, and confusion generated by jet-lag. So allowing for my faulty expression, it seems that you are portraying closely what you intended. Well-done.
Comment Written 30-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2021
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Thank you, Katherine, you are correct. I am composing sharps and flats to invoke the readers impatience for solution.
Comment from Melodie Michelle
This well written piece was very captivating and held my attention throughout the piece! Excellent story my friend;-)
Thank you for sharing and may God bless you and your family this New Years ahead!
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2021
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This well written piece was very captivating and held my attention throughout the piece! Excellent story my friend;-)
Thank you for sharing and may God bless you and your family this New Years ahead!
Comment Written 30-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2021
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Thank you, Melodie. Thank you for the review and God's Blessing. Same to you and yours. Yard
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;-)
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
SSSSSStupendous. Haunting piece--sssssstunning depiction of Lee's torment--masterful interweaving of memories with present. Cheerssssss. LIZ
Title: Moon Light=>Moonlight
MISSING WORD: rock-solid information an MIA is alive [IN] Saigon."
... saw a beautiful black lacquered baby grand piano nestled in the corner [SUGGEST COMMA] surrounded by lush green palm fronds.
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2021
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SSSSSStupendous. Haunting piece--sssssstunning depiction of Lee's torment--masterful interweaving of memories with present. Cheerssssss. LIZ
Title: Moon Light=>Moonlight
MISSING WORD: rock-solid information an MIA is alive [IN] Saigon."
... saw a beautiful black lacquered baby grand piano nestled in the corner [SUGGEST COMMA] surrounded by lush green palm fronds.
Comment Written 30-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2021
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Cheers back at cha, Liz. Have a happy and safe New Year!
