Concertina
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Rust Never Sleeps."Vietnam veteran comes to the end of his denial.
10 total reviews
Comment from LJbutterfly
The description of the plant, equipment, and operations was thorough though technical. I imagined a steel mill. The story and the characters are captivating and realistic, as you delve into the emotional reactions of the characters. See you in the next chapter.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2021
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The description of the plant, equipment, and operations was thorough though technical. I imagined a steel mill. The story and the characters are captivating and realistic, as you delve into the emotional reactions of the characters. See you in the next chapter.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2021
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Thanks, LJ.
Comment from Susan Newell
Wow, Yard. You're really picking up the pace. I was enthralled start to finish, and even though I was unfamiliar with some of the jargon, you skillfully clarified it. Terrific writing throughout. I've highlighted a few stellar lines in my notes. I'm glad I waited until I could have the time and fresh mind to read it as deserved. Keep the chapters coming.
Sue
The creosoted beams, salvaged from old wood derricks and skinned and roofed with surplus corrugated tin sheets, leaned a bit to the west, always hinting of collapse. -- you forgot to include the building itself
Looked like a giant rusted metal lunch box -- superb!
vege-out -- I think: veg out
The tree trunk, silvered by time -- very nice
Claude finally caught onto the standoff. -- I believe ==> on to
Like the Tin Man, Lee and his world were rusting away. -- particularly nice
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2021
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Wow, Yard. You're really picking up the pace. I was enthralled start to finish, and even though I was unfamiliar with some of the jargon, you skillfully clarified it. Terrific writing throughout. I've highlighted a few stellar lines in my notes. I'm glad I waited until I could have the time and fresh mind to read it as deserved. Keep the chapters coming.
Sue
The creosoted beams, salvaged from old wood derricks and skinned and roofed with surplus corrugated tin sheets, leaned a bit to the west, always hinting of collapse. -- you forgot to include the building itself
Looked like a giant rusted metal lunch box -- superb!
vege-out -- I think: veg out
The tree trunk, silvered by time -- very nice
Claude finally caught onto the standoff. -- I believe ==> on to
Like the Tin Man, Lee and his world were rusting away. -- particularly nice
Comment Written 11-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2021
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Hello, Sue. Thanks for the great review. I always miss something and appreciate you bailing me out. See you in the next go round. Yard.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Interesting chapter with well-drawn characters and ending on a good cliffhanger. Lee has a good sense of working to the best he an accomplish, whereas his two bosses are too stoned to know they are fools. Loved your description of Claude's dad, and the son is no better. Looking forward to the next installment.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2021
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Interesting chapter with well-drawn characters and ending on a good cliffhanger. Lee has a good sense of working to the best he an accomplish, whereas his two bosses are too stoned to know they are fools. Loved your description of Claude's dad, and the son is no better. Looking forward to the next installment.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2021
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Hello, Carol. Thanks for the great review. I always miss something and appreciate you bailing me out. See you in the next go round. Yard.
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is a well-written chapter, using great imagery and comparisons. It kept me engaged throughout. Well done.
I did have a few suggestions:
"He devised a method of steam(ing) that cleaned used sucker rods and casings."
"Then they were scrubbed and burnished to look new by common laborers" - they were scrubbed and burnished by common laborers, to look new. The way you have it sounds like they would look new by common laborers.
"The creosoted beams(,) salvaged from old wood derricks and skinned and roofed with surplus corrugated tin sheets(,) leaned a bit..."
"He hadn't expected Vietnamese voices(,) and (he) shuddered at the thought that he had heard them audibly(,) as if someone whispered into his ear."
"he wished he hadn't drunk his last breakfast beer before arriving at Brother Archer's church(,) and (he) considered turning around (to) head to the nearest Quickie Mart."
"Chris stepped backed(back) and warned,..."
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2021
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This is a well-written chapter, using great imagery and comparisons. It kept me engaged throughout. Well done.
I did have a few suggestions:
"He devised a method of steam(ing) that cleaned used sucker rods and casings."
"Then they were scrubbed and burnished to look new by common laborers" - they were scrubbed and burnished by common laborers, to look new. The way you have it sounds like they would look new by common laborers.
"The creosoted beams(,) salvaged from old wood derricks and skinned and roofed with surplus corrugated tin sheets(,) leaned a bit..."
"He hadn't expected Vietnamese voices(,) and (he) shuddered at the thought that he had heard them audibly(,) as if someone whispered into his ear."
"he wished he hadn't drunk his last breakfast beer before arriving at Brother Archer's church(,) and (he) considered turning around (to) head to the nearest Quickie Mart."
"Chris stepped backed(back) and warned,..."
Comment Written 10-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2021
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Hello, Judy. Thanks for the great review. I always miss something and appreciate you bailing me out. See you in the next go round. Yard.
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Your welcome, Yard
Comment from royowen
I like the inbuilt metaphor in your story, the pent up inner resentment within the men bubbling away. I can remember the resentment poured out out on Vietnam vets, during and after the Vietnam conflict, no matter what one thinks of the conflict, and the immorality revealed in that conflict, it was nothing going on inside the person, yep, rust has a way getting in no matter what. Beautifully written my friend, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2021
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I like the inbuilt metaphor in your story, the pent up inner resentment within the men bubbling away. I can remember the resentment poured out out on Vietnam vets, during and after the Vietnam conflict, no matter what one thinks of the conflict, and the immorality revealed in that conflict, it was nothing going on inside the person, yep, rust has a way getting in no matter what. Beautifully written my friend, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 10-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2021
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Much thanks, Roy.
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Welcome
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I am not sure the 85% capacity is a good idea. It seems the old hoses and pipes will bust and they'll all be out of a job. I can't wait to find out what happens next. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2021
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I am not sure the 85% capacity is a good idea. It seems the old hoses and pipes will bust and they'll all be out of a job. I can't wait to find out what happens next. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2021
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Hello, Barbara. You are correct, there is a disaster coming.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Yes, just like in real life. Those old boys let their "alligator mouths overload their hummingbird butts." But thankfully, as we get older, we just ignore ignorance and move on. Well, most of the time . . . Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2021
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Yes, just like in real life. Those old boys let their "alligator mouths overload their hummingbird butts." But thankfully, as we get older, we just ignore ignorance and move on. Well, most of the time . . . Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2021
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Yes, sir. Thanks for the comment. BTW, I hope you are well and the Tornado did not effect you, your friends, or family. Yard.
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Thanks for the well wishes, Yard. The tornado wasn't close to me. But it missed my cousin's farm by less than a mile. I've seen tornados, but never anything to compare to the miles of devastation this one left. It wiped out whole cities cutting a two mile wide path that they say traveled two-hundred miles on the ground. It's so sad and hard to imagine. Hope all is well with you and yours!
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This General Fiction, a chapter in the book Concertina, Lee tries to grind his life into focus, while Rust never sleeps, evidently it is never so easy to get away from the pits of entanglement of spiritual an psychological activations, as it is rather hard to get away from the fritters of resentment and guilt, expressive stand is appreciably exposed; causal effect is morally worded;; well said, well done; keep writing. ALCREATOR LITT DEAR. You may make the sentence more expressive: 1. Suddenly, a shiny black four-wheel-drive truck brodied into the parking area, kicking up a cloud of alkaline dust spooking the turkey vultures from their roost. 2. A purpose worth seeking, seemingly close at hand, but far enough away that his effort alone would be insufficient to realize.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2021
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This General Fiction, a chapter in the book Concertina, Lee tries to grind his life into focus, while Rust never sleeps, evidently it is never so easy to get away from the pits of entanglement of spiritual an psychological activations, as it is rather hard to get away from the fritters of resentment and guilt, expressive stand is appreciably exposed; causal effect is morally worded;; well said, well done; keep writing. ALCREATOR LITT DEAR. You may make the sentence more expressive: 1. Suddenly, a shiny black four-wheel-drive truck brodied into the parking area, kicking up a cloud of alkaline dust spooking the turkey vultures from their roost. 2. A purpose worth seeking, seemingly close at hand, but far enough away that his effort alone would be insufficient to realize.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2021
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Thank you, Al, for the great review. I always miss something and appreciate you bailing me out. See you in the next go round. Yard.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
SSSSSSuperb. You are a master of the craft. Cheerssssss. LIZ
hyphenate nut-and-bolt
He devised a method of steam cleaning THAT used sucker rods and casings.
Suddenly, a shiny black four-wheel-drive truck brodied into the parking area, kicking up a cloud of alkaline dust COMMA spooking the turkey vultures from their roost.
Sugg Omit: Radiation was the least of his worries.
He walked quickly over to Jesse and Lee as the laborers COMMA except for Fritz COMMA begrudgingly headed into the shop.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2021
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SSSSSSuperb. You are a master of the craft. Cheerssssss. LIZ
hyphenate nut-and-bolt
He devised a method of steam cleaning THAT used sucker rods and casings.
Suddenly, a shiny black four-wheel-drive truck brodied into the parking area, kicking up a cloud of alkaline dust COMMA spooking the turkey vultures from their roost.
Sugg Omit: Radiation was the least of his worries.
He walked quickly over to Jesse and Lee as the laborers COMMA except for Fritz COMMA begrudgingly headed into the shop.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2021
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Thanks! I always miss something and appreciate you bailing me out. See you in the next go round. Yard.
Comment from prettybluebirds
You must spend a lot of time at the computer to keep churning out this story. Your descriptions and dialogue are what keeps this story moving in such a great manner. It is an extremely interesting writing.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2021
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You must spend a lot of time at the computer to keep churning out this story. Your descriptions and dialogue are what keeps this story moving in such a great manner. It is an extremely interesting writing.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2021
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I do. I'm about two thirds through it. Then there will be a much needed epilogue. After that I'm taking a break! Some reviewers suggested I compile my short stories into one book. Hopefully, the new year will provide a publishing opportunity. Thanks for your input and support.
