Concertina
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "A Word Ignored."Vietnam veteran comes to the end of his denial.
12 total reviews
Comment from Allezw2
The binding moment of your writing is the vocabulary and the extraordinary sense of place. There is a verisimilitude in the word choice as well, else the entire piece would fail to present the thesis. Your posts ask much of your readers and requires a bit of thought to attempt an understanding beyond the words.
I had a dear friend from grade school on who chose Holy Orders while in high school and was ordained a Catholic Diocesan Priest, one that pledges chastity and obedience for his life in the faith. However, not poverty as is required of the various orders. As such he could own property, like as an automobile to be used in his diocesan duties at his assigned parish. He was an adjunct to the monsignor, a sort of Vatican civil servant.
We had lots of discussions over the years on the vagaries of the differing reactions of different people sharing the same experiences. They often varied widely. My experiences with the VA interested him, removed as he was as a chaplain in Sweden for a community of German nuns who fled Nazi Germany in the early years of the Third Reich.
While he took faith extremely seriously, he stressed that it was the individual who decided to believe, or not.
Nicely done wordsmith, Wayne
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2021
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The binding moment of your writing is the vocabulary and the extraordinary sense of place. There is a verisimilitude in the word choice as well, else the entire piece would fail to present the thesis. Your posts ask much of your readers and requires a bit of thought to attempt an understanding beyond the words.
I had a dear friend from grade school on who chose Holy Orders while in high school and was ordained a Catholic Diocesan Priest, one that pledges chastity and obedience for his life in the faith. However, not poverty as is required of the various orders. As such he could own property, like as an automobile to be used in his diocesan duties at his assigned parish. He was an adjunct to the monsignor, a sort of Vatican civil servant.
We had lots of discussions over the years on the vagaries of the differing reactions of different people sharing the same experiences. They often varied widely. My experiences with the VA interested him, removed as he was as a chaplain in Sweden for a community of German nuns who fled Nazi Germany in the early years of the Third Reich.
While he took faith extremely seriously, he stressed that it was the individual who decided to believe, or not.
Nicely done wordsmith, Wayne
Comment Written 23-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2021
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Thank you, Wayne. You are an astute observer of truth from the oblique. You are also one of the few reviewers who is beginning to read between the lines of 'Concertina'. 'Concertina' is more than just a chronological series of difficult events. It is as if the words are written on both sides of onion-skin paper. Hold it to the light and one would see the story in two realities: the front of page and the back of the same page. Co-mingled but not blurred. It's the same story but from two perspectives. The simplest explanation would be physical (includes psychological) and spiritual perspectives telling the same story at the same time.
As this endeavor continues to unfold, I've come to realize an in-depth epilogue will be necessary. I look forward to your continued interest. Yard.
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Locked on!
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One character I remember was as smart as a whip crack. He was studying the counsellor and probably knew as much about the psychology of interview techniques a his interviewer. I don't think they ever got through to him.
Comment from Sherry Asbury
This deserves a 6, but it will have to be virtual...I really am gobsmacked by the depth and detail of this story. My husband was in the Navy in that war and came back destroyed and became a drug user, so I could relate to your words. It was captivating and engrossing and led me to think how sad those men who served became. You are one hell of an author and this story rocked!
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2021
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This deserves a 6, but it will have to be virtual...I really am gobsmacked by the depth and detail of this story. My husband was in the Navy in that war and came back destroyed and became a drug user, so I could relate to your words. It was captivating and engrossing and led me to think how sad those men who served became. You are one hell of an author and this story rocked!
Comment Written 10-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2021
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I'll take it, Sherry. Thank you so much for the great review and insight. See you in the next go round. Yard.
Comment from RShipp
I was caught up in your conversation between the two men.
The horrible place that the soldier finds himself, quite a quandary.
By the end of the story, I could feel the compassion from the pastor's heart.
Enjoyed.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2021
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I was caught up in your conversation between the two men.
The horrible place that the soldier finds himself, quite a quandary.
By the end of the story, I could feel the compassion from the pastor's heart.
Enjoyed.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2021
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Well, it's lucky for me that salvation is a gift for those who ask. Because if it had anything to do with works, I wouldn't have a chance of undoing all the bad I've done. LOL. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2021
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Well, it's lucky for me that salvation is a gift for those who ask. Because if it had anything to do with works, I wouldn't have a chance of undoing all the bad I've done. LOL. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2021
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Ha, so true. I think, though, us bad boys make better writers and examples for young people as to what not to do.
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Yes, I agree. Someone once told me they wanted to hang out with me because they felt they could learn so much. And I replied, "You can only learn the things you shouldn't do or even know about." But you're right, it gives us lots of writing material, as long as we soften it up to make it believable. LOL. Have a wonderful weekend!
Comment from Susan Newell
I saved a six in anticipation of your terrific story. I love the way you are developing the argument between Brother Archer and the voices. You real made me think about what evil is and the hole in the wedding dress is a spectacular metaphor. There is much to be mined here and I may have to read it again to make sure I've captured it all. I found BA's reaction to Lee's admission about a possible son to be very interesting. I have a feeling we'll hear more about that later. I've made some notes on few language things.
Sue
A hole in the middle has mutated a gown as beautiful as a stary night. ==> starry
Chagrined, Lee sat back in his chair. "Your right. ==> You're
Lee sat there deep in thought, staring a hole into the refrigerator -- this whole paragraph is terrific
Brother Archer sensing a spiritual interruption but not -- I'd add a comma after Archer
Brother Archer gently resisted Lee's effort to close the door and spoke carefully, "The Bible says, "Therefore you also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect." -- Punctuation should be 'Therefore . . . Expect.'"
words 'at an hour you do not expect' settling heavily in his heart -- I'd use double quotes here
East property line behind the 'Welcome' -- I don't think I'd use quotes here; maybe WELCOME? I'm not sure.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2021
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I saved a six in anticipation of your terrific story. I love the way you are developing the argument between Brother Archer and the voices. You real made me think about what evil is and the hole in the wedding dress is a spectacular metaphor. There is much to be mined here and I may have to read it again to make sure I've captured it all. I found BA's reaction to Lee's admission about a possible son to be very interesting. I have a feeling we'll hear more about that later. I've made some notes on few language things.
Sue
A hole in the middle has mutated a gown as beautiful as a stary night. ==> starry
Chagrined, Lee sat back in his chair. "Your right. ==> You're
Lee sat there deep in thought, staring a hole into the refrigerator -- this whole paragraph is terrific
Brother Archer sensing a spiritual interruption but not -- I'd add a comma after Archer
Brother Archer gently resisted Lee's effort to close the door and spoke carefully, "The Bible says, "Therefore you also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect." -- Punctuation should be 'Therefore . . . Expect.'"
words 'at an hour you do not expect' settling heavily in his heart -- I'd use double quotes here
East property line behind the 'Welcome' -- I don't think I'd use quotes here; maybe WELCOME? I'm not sure.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2021
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Thank you, Sue, for your generous review. Your points are well taken and yes, there are complicated big events coming. I am so tempted to explain them before posting. Anxious, I will sit on my hands waiting to hear from a reader who sees them before I have to explain. Which I will do with an epilogue.
Yard
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You are very welcome. Don't tell me in advance. Let the story unfold. I'll let you know if I think you're going off the rails.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Compelling, provocative, and, for me, profoundly disturbing. Not to disrespect you for your and/or your character's belief system, but it evokes in me what I call--and thus titled the first piece I posted on this site--"Holy Terror." Archer is chillingly convincing as a fundamentalist minister. My reaction makes manifest that this intense interaction is masterfully rendered--as are the PTSD flashbacks. Brilliant.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2021
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Compelling, provocative, and, for me, profoundly disturbing. Not to disrespect you for your and/or your character's belief system, but it evokes in me what I call--and thus titled the first piece I posted on this site--"Holy Terror." Archer is chillingly convincing as a fundamentalist minister. My reaction makes manifest that this intense interaction is masterfully rendered--as are the PTSD flashbacks. Brilliant.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2021
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Thank you, Liz. I am very much interested in ready your "Holy Terror". Is it listed in your portfolio? I'll try and find it.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is an aptly named chapter and a very deep one about the nature of evil. Lee is very haunted by both the good and bad of being in Vietnam. Brother Archer has reasonable doubts about Annie, in part due to her nearness to the the naval base. Very well done. In talking about the wedding dress you use the word mutated which suggests natural change or did you mean mutilated, which means attacked by an outside force?
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2021
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This is an aptly named chapter and a very deep one about the nature of evil. Lee is very haunted by both the good and bad of being in Vietnam. Brother Archer has reasonable doubts about Annie, in part due to her nearness to the the naval base. Very well done. In talking about the wedding dress you use the word mutated which suggests natural change or did you mean mutilated, which means attacked by an outside force?
Comment Written 07-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2021
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Thanks, Carol. Yes, I meant mutilated. These fingers of mine sometimes do whatever they want. The next chapter, "Rust Never Sleeps" digs deeper into the issues Lee denies. Thank you once again for your insight and input. Yard
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This General Fiction, a chapter in the book Concertina, speaks about a word ignored, it is what it is; well said, well done, my dear write more, fast, carefully, thanks4sharing this, omniscient God reads-wishes forgive mistakes 2 encourage u; I, DR, per His will, love reviewing. ALCREATOR....
You may like to check only a few inexpressive (unclear, incomplete) expressions: Please excuse me for pointing out them here:
1.) "God's will?" (???)
2. "A thing that doesn't exist but does?" (???) 3. longer existed in any form, why was everybody afraid to die? (???)
4. "Something that can destroy beauty." (???) 5. child will exert its (???) will against God's will.
6. "A child... not from your wife?" (???)
7. I didn't say elp (???), I didn't.
8. the other. "Elp. elp (???),"
9. "How gracious of you.(???)"
"I'm sorry, (???) ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2021
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This General Fiction, a chapter in the book Concertina, speaks about a word ignored, it is what it is; well said, well done, my dear write more, fast, carefully, thanks4sharing this, omniscient God reads-wishes forgive mistakes 2 encourage u; I, DR, per His will, love reviewing. ALCREATOR....
You may like to check only a few inexpressive (unclear, incomplete) expressions: Please excuse me for pointing out them here:
1.) "God's will?" (???)
2. "A thing that doesn't exist but does?" (???) 3. longer existed in any form, why was everybody afraid to die? (???)
4. "Something that can destroy beauty." (???) 5. child will exert its (???) will against God's will.
6. "A child... not from your wife?" (???)
7. I didn't say elp (???), I didn't.
8. the other. "Elp. elp (???),"
9. "How gracious of you.(???)"
"I'm sorry, (???) ALCREATOR
Comment Written 07-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2021
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Thank you, Al, for your Godly desire to review and provide constructive criticism. Your points are well taken.
Comment from Ricky1024
"A Word Ignored"
This is a chapter in the book entitled, "Concertina"
This was well written rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
...
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks for sharing.
Doctor Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2021
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"A Word Ignored"
This is a chapter in the book entitled, "Concertina"
This was well written rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
...
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks for sharing.
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 07-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2021
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Thank you, Dr. Ricky. I can always count on your diagnosis to be fair and helpful. Yard
Comment from prettybluebirds
Wonderful story. My brother was in Viet Nam and he really did have nightmares for a long time. What bothered him was all the little children that were used against the American forces. My brother died from cancer caused by agent orange. It was a terrible war and caused so many young lives on both sides. I loved your story but it did bring back some sad memories.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2021
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Wonderful story. My brother was in Viet Nam and he really did have nightmares for a long time. What bothered him was all the little children that were used against the American forces. My brother died from cancer caused by agent orange. It was a terrible war and caused so many young lives on both sides. I loved your story but it did bring back some sad memories.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2021
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Thank you PB. Sorry to hear about your brother. The next chapter, "Rust Never Sleeps" reveals complicated and darker events coming. I am so tempted to explain them before posting. Anxious, I will sit on my hands waiting to hear from a reader who sees them before I have to explain. Which I will do with an epilogue. Thanks again for your review. Yard
