Revenge
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "Revenge - Chap 24"Evil stalks the dynamic crime team
20 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
Carol,
Poor Tiffany! Nothing can take away the fact that - confused, tricked, whatever - she just killed a man. It's all very tragic. I'm a little confused with some of the parts - but made notes for you, of course!
1.) James muttered, "You better have(,)" and returned to the Director's chair.
2.) James growled, "Lenny, get her." Following the order to the ex-con,
--> in the last chap, you said he wanted no one on set but James, himself, 'Jaz', and Drake. No mention of Lenny
3.) "I'll wait for you at the buoy. We'll destroy the boat
--> making sure you mean some place in the middle of the water. Seems like you would need more info, too - WHICH buoy?
4.) built the house during the war. James and Charles don't know it exists".
--> move the period inside the quote marks
Moving on--
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Carol,
Poor Tiffany! Nothing can take away the fact that - confused, tricked, whatever - she just killed a man. It's all very tragic. I'm a little confused with some of the parts - but made notes for you, of course!
1.) James muttered, "You better have(,)" and returned to the Director's chair.
2.) James growled, "Lenny, get her." Following the order to the ex-con,
--> in the last chap, you said he wanted no one on set but James, himself, 'Jaz', and Drake. No mention of Lenny
3.) "I'll wait for you at the buoy. We'll destroy the boat
--> making sure you mean some place in the middle of the water. Seems like you would need more info, too - WHICH buoy?
4.) built the house during the war. James and Charles don't know it exists".
--> move the period inside the quote marks
Moving on--
Comment Written 30-Nov-2021
Comment from Ulla
Hi Carol, this was a dramatic scene, and very well written. It appears that Marian will be able to rescue the terrified Tiffany, who is understandable rather out of it. Now onto to what is happening next. Ulla xx
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2021
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Hi Carol, this was a dramatic scene, and very well written. It appears that Marian will be able to rescue the terrified Tiffany, who is understandable rather out of it. Now onto to what is happening next. Ulla xx
Comment Written 28-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2021
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You honor me, Ulla. First taking the time time to read my story, but then following it with three more. How awesome is that?!?! I appreciate it very much and hope you enjoyed and and are having a marvelous day.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from dmt1967
This is a great chapter and the best one so far. I liked the action from start to finish. I thought the flow was really smooth and loved the way one scene followed the next. Thank you for sharing and take care.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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This is a great chapter and the best one so far. I liked the action from start to finish. I thought the flow was really smooth and loved the way one scene followed the next. Thank you for sharing and take care.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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I am thrilled that you enjoyed the chapter. i too like the ones with action far more than the slow ones, but it does take both to get through the story. Appreciate the kindness and the stars!
Hugs, Carol
Comment from lyenochka
Wow. What a wild scene. I like that you showed us that Tiffany couldn't do it in her first try. That makes is so much more believable. How cool that Marian had the strength to zonk out Lenny! And great use of the hidden passageways!
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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Wow. What a wild scene. I like that you showed us that Tiffany couldn't do it in her first try. That makes is so much more believable. How cool that Marian had the strength to zonk out Lenny! And great use of the hidden passageways!
Comment Written 21-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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Yeah, I think it would send chills through anyone in real life, even if they believed it was fake. Tiffany was terrified of James, but Charles kept tilting the scale.
Comment from LJbutterfly
Wow! There was a lot of suspense and action in this chapter. I loved the way you led the reader to think Tiffany wasn't going to kill Drake, only to find out that James was determined to have his plan work. I also love the idea of Marian's secret passages. You provided enough description of each character and scene so the reader could easily envision the environment. I truly enjoyed this read.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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Wow! There was a lot of suspense and action in this chapter. I loved the way you led the reader to think Tiffany wasn't going to kill Drake, only to find out that James was determined to have his plan work. I also love the idea of Marian's secret passages. You provided enough description of each character and scene so the reader could easily envision the environment. I truly enjoyed this read.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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Thank you as always for the kind review and for your time in reading and enjoying. As always, I greatly appreciate it.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from Robert Trudel
Ok: wow. Very well done. You hold your breath all the way through wondering how this is all going to turn out. A real ''page turner'' as it is said. Excellent.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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Ok: wow. Very well done. You hold your breath all the way through wondering how this is all going to turn out. A real ''page turner'' as it is said. Excellent.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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Thank you as always for the kind review and for your time in reading and enjoying. As always, I greatly appreciate it.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from Patty Palmer
The excitement mounts as Tiffany realizes that she's just murdered someone at the direction of the director, who is a total fake. Marian sees Lenny choking Tiffany and she grabs the antique gun from the wall and butts him in the head. Now the two ladies have vanished into a secret tunnel that nobody knows about. I'll be waiting for the next exciting chapter.
Patty
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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The excitement mounts as Tiffany realizes that she's just murdered someone at the direction of the director, who is a total fake. Marian sees Lenny choking Tiffany and she grabs the antique gun from the wall and butts him in the head. Now the two ladies have vanished into a secret tunnel that nobody knows about. I'll be waiting for the next exciting chapter.
Patty
Comment Written 20-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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Thank you as always for the kind review and for your time in reading and enjoying. As always, I greatly appreciate it.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
A riveting chapter taking us through a terrifying ordeal of the hapless actress, Tiffany, who murders a man she was supposed to be pretending to kill. As all things seem impossible, Marian shows up to rescue her.
Well written and engaging.
Take care,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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A riveting chapter taking us through a terrifying ordeal of the hapless actress, Tiffany, who murders a man she was supposed to be pretending to kill. As all things seem impossible, Marian shows up to rescue her.
Well written and engaging.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment Written 20-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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Thank you as always for the kind review and for your time in reading and enjoying. As always, I greatly appreciate it.
Hugs, Carol
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Hugs!
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
This is rather horrifying, isn't it? It seems like a scene out of Alfred Hitchcock, and except for Tiffany, who's being set up, Marian seems to be the only sane person present. I've read the last few chapters, even though I haven't reviewed them -- the last few days have flown by, it seems.
My suggestions for revisions:
Springing out of the Director Chair, he rocketed across the room,
-->
Springing out of the Director's Chair, he rocketed across the room,
James muttered, "You better have" and returned to the Director's chair.
-->
James muttered, "You better have," and returned to the Director's chair.
James and Charles don't know it exists".
-->
James and Charles don't know it exists."
***
Tiffany will be fortunate, if she can escape with her life, as will Marian; I'm not sure where they're hiding Jaz. Poor Drake is a dead duck.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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This is rather horrifying, isn't it? It seems like a scene out of Alfred Hitchcock, and except for Tiffany, who's being set up, Marian seems to be the only sane person present. I've read the last few chapters, even though I haven't reviewed them -- the last few days have flown by, it seems.
My suggestions for revisions:
Springing out of the Director Chair, he rocketed across the room,
-->
Springing out of the Director's Chair, he rocketed across the room,
James muttered, "You better have" and returned to the Director's chair.
-->
James muttered, "You better have," and returned to the Director's chair.
James and Charles don't know it exists".
-->
James and Charles don't know it exists."
***
Tiffany will be fortunate, if she can escape with her life, as will Marian; I'm not sure where they're hiding Jaz. Poor Drake is a dead duck.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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Of course, life is tugging me down and I am getting far behind on my thank yous. Please know I always appreciate reading and knowing your thoughts...even though I fall behind in telling you.
Carol
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is getting better and better, Carol! The plan of James and Charles isn't going to work. I'm glad Marian rescued Tiffany. Can't wait to see what happens next. Great writing.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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This is getting better and better, Carol! The plan of James and Charles isn't going to work. I'm glad Marian rescued Tiffany. Can't wait to see what happens next. Great writing.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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Of course, life is tugging me down and I am getting far behind on my thank yous. Please know I always appreciate reading and knowing your thoughts...even though I fall behind is telling you.
Carol
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Not to worry, Carol. Sometimes we need to stay lost in our own fictional story to avoid the reality.
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Amen!