Revenge
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Revenge - Chap 6"Evil stalks the dynamic crime team
22 total reviews
Comment from dmt1967
"I will not hide." Allie snapped as she brushed a few strands of red hair from her face. Garth smiled (because he saw a glimmer of his Allie sparking from her beautiful green eyes.) Don't tell the reader what he saw, show them. (as his Allie's eyes sparkled. She's back, he thought.)
"Let's say Sheriff Welcher thought he was going to be the only game in town. And I set him straight." Garth's (grim face said everything necessary.) Again, telling. (pursed his lips and his usually friendly eyes turned cold.)
Another great chapter and thank you for sharing. I hope you are well.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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"I will not hide." Allie snapped as she brushed a few strands of red hair from her face. Garth smiled (because he saw a glimmer of his Allie sparking from her beautiful green eyes.) Don't tell the reader what he saw, show them. (as his Allie's eyes sparkled. She's back, he thought.)
"Let's say Sheriff Welcher thought he was going to be the only game in town. And I set him straight." Garth's (grim face said everything necessary.) Again, telling. (pursed his lips and his usually friendly eyes turned cold.)
Another great chapter and thank you for sharing. I hope you are well.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Thanks so much for the review and for enjoying my story. I hope it continues to draw your interest into the plot.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from robyn corum
Carol,
You know, we're nearing the year's end and trophy time. I'm so excited to see that you will be earning TWO trophies for yourself. What a comeback! I know they aren't worth anything in the real world and are basically dust-collectors, but I love mine - and I know you will love and appreciate yours. You have certainly earned them. One word at a time. Struggling with all you've had to deal with, I am so proud that you have been able to force those words every day. You inspire me and make me so proud. I'm happy you're my buddy!
Notes:
1.) bring her back to reality until they landed.
--> touched ground
--> to avoid using 'landed' two times so closely together
2.) "I will not hide(,)" Allie snapped as she brushed a few
3.) a glimmer of his Allie sparking from her beautiful
--> just double-checking 'sparking'
4.) She sighed(.) "I'm sure you can understand how
5.) "Not to get off on the wrong foot, (S)heriff,
--> direct reference
6.) but someone shot at Allie and me last night while watching a video of her sister Jaz appearing to be shot as well.
--> this could be read to say the shooter was watching the vid. Consider rewording
--> but someone shot at Allie and me last night while (we were) watching a video of her sister Jaz--who appeared to be shot elsewhere but at the same time. (IDK - but maybe you'll see what I mean.)
7.) Garth wrapped his arm around her back and gave a quick hug
--> consider deleting 'back'
8.) "Hello, I am Betty Jenkins, the (M)edical (E)xaminer."
And on to the next. I am forever behind!!!
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2021
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Carol,
You know, we're nearing the year's end and trophy time. I'm so excited to see that you will be earning TWO trophies for yourself. What a comeback! I know they aren't worth anything in the real world and are basically dust-collectors, but I love mine - and I know you will love and appreciate yours. You have certainly earned them. One word at a time. Struggling with all you've had to deal with, I am so proud that you have been able to force those words every day. You inspire me and make me so proud. I'm happy you're my buddy!
Notes:
1.) bring her back to reality until they landed.
--> touched ground
--> to avoid using 'landed' two times so closely together
2.) "I will not hide(,)" Allie snapped as she brushed a few
3.) a glimmer of his Allie sparking from her beautiful
--> just double-checking 'sparking'
4.) She sighed(.) "I'm sure you can understand how
5.) "Not to get off on the wrong foot, (S)heriff,
--> direct reference
6.) but someone shot at Allie and me last night while watching a video of her sister Jaz appearing to be shot as well.
--> this could be read to say the shooter was watching the vid. Consider rewording
--> but someone shot at Allie and me last night while (we were) watching a video of her sister Jaz--who appeared to be shot elsewhere but at the same time. (IDK - but maybe you'll see what I mean.)
7.) Garth wrapped his arm around her back and gave a quick hug
--> consider deleting 'back'
8.) "Hello, I am Betty Jenkins, the (M)edical (E)xaminer."
And on to the next. I am forever behind!!!
Comment Written 25-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2021
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I have fixed the suggestions and apologize for being so far behind. I appreciate you regardless if I am tardy in telling you so. Thank you so much.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from LJbutterfly
There seems to be a twist or surprise in every episode, and the surprise this time is the wrong tattoo on the dead girl's leg. Did Moretti think he had Allie's sister, or did he pay an unsuspecting victim to have the tattoo put on her leg? I will wait and see. Great episode.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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There seems to be a twist or surprise in every episode, and the surprise this time is the wrong tattoo on the dead girl's leg. Did Moretti think he had Allie's sister, or did he pay an unsuspecting victim to have the tattoo put on her leg? I will wait and see. Great episode.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Forgive me please for my poor display of gratitude and appreciation. I truly am grateful for all your time, your review and your thoughtfulness. I'm struggling with life and I apologize for neglecting your efforts. I am weeks behind in responding so I must at least cut and paste a thank you and hope you understand. I am thrilled that you have taken the time to read my story and to enjoy it.
Smiles, hugs and much love for all the support.
Carol
Comment from Mary Shifman
This is an excellent chapter and the story continues to be gripping. It was a clever idea to have the tattoos switched like that. I'm glad to know the body wasn't Jaz. Now on to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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This is an excellent chapter and the story continues to be gripping. It was a clever idea to have the tattoos switched like that. I'm glad to know the body wasn't Jaz. Now on to the next chapter.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Forgive me please for my poor display of gratitude and appreciation. I truly am grateful for all your time, your review and your thoughtfulness. I'm struggling with life and I apologize for neglecting your efforts. I am weeks behind in responding so I must at least cut and paste a thank you and hope you understand. I am thrilled that you have taken the time to read my story and to enjoy it.
Smiles, hugs and much love for all the support.
Carol
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You are welcome. No forgiveness is necessary. Your story is great and I'me enjoy it. I'm sorry that you are experiencing hard times and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, Blessed Be.
Comment from Ulla
So it is not Jaz, I'm glad to know. It's well written and you lead us the reader up to this very crucial moment in a very believable way. Now, where do we go from here? Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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So it is not Jaz, I'm glad to know. It's well written and you lead us the reader up to this very crucial moment in a very believable way. Now, where do we go from here? Ulla:)))
Comment Written 21-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Thanks so much for the review and for enjoying my story. I hope it continues to draw your interest. It's tough to be able to read, review, answer, and write...but I am trying to do my best. Thank you for understanding.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
Great initial I.D. on the mystery woman's body! So Vito Moretti got the tattoo wrong. I wonder how they induced this poor soul to get a tattoo that said, "Jaz"? Most likely, they just asked her to name her price.
I have only one suggestion:
... who would complete the actual autopsy ...
-->
... who would complete the actual autopsy, ...
***
That's an interesting note at the bottom, about the GBI and the Medical Examiner's office. We do tend to get so much of our "personal" crime solving "skills" from TV. You did your research!
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Great initial I.D. on the mystery woman's body! So Vito Moretti got the tattoo wrong. I wonder how they induced this poor soul to get a tattoo that said, "Jaz"? Most likely, they just asked her to name her price.
I have only one suggestion:
... who would complete the actual autopsy ...
-->
... who would complete the actual autopsy, ...
***
That's an interesting note at the bottom, about the GBI and the Medical Examiner's office. We do tend to get so much of our "personal" crime solving "skills" from TV. You did your research!
Comment Written 21-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Thanks so much for the review and for enjoying my story. I hope it continues to draw your interest. It's tough to be able to read, review, answer, and write...but I am trying to do my best. Thank you for understanding.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from BethShelby
I'm happy for Allie to realize the body is not her sister of course I've got questions that I probably shouldn't ask. If the murder knew what the tattoo was like on Jaz leg so they tried to put a matching tatoo on the victim why to they put the name Jaz if that wasn't what was there? It is excellent chapter and the interaction between Allie and Garth seemed natural. I have don't that question answered.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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I'm happy for Allie to realize the body is not her sister of course I've got questions that I probably shouldn't ask. If the murder knew what the tattoo was like on Jaz leg so they tried to put a matching tatoo on the victim why to they put the name Jaz if that wasn't what was there? It is excellent chapter and the interaction between Allie and Garth seemed natural. I have don't that question answered.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Thanks so much for the review and for enjoying my story. I hope it continues to draw your interest. It's tough to be able to read, review, answer, and write...but I am trying to do my best. Thank you for understanding.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from karenina
Intense and well written chapter. I can't imagine what it would be like to face this horrible task and you've made it entirely believable. I'm patting myself on the back for thinking that tattoo would be a crucial factor in proving this body was not Jaz--but man--you love to throw in that twist right?! The butterflies? (check)--the roses? (check)--just as I was beginning to doubt myself wham! The clincher--they had one another's names! NOW--who would have thought they knew that fact but erred?
Hmmmm.
You're so good.
Karenina
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2021
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Intense and well written chapter. I can't imagine what it would be like to face this horrible task and you've made it entirely believable. I'm patting myself on the back for thinking that tattoo would be a crucial factor in proving this body was not Jaz--but man--you love to throw in that twist right?! The butterflies? (check)--the roses? (check)--just as I was beginning to doubt myself wham! The clincher--they had one another's names! NOW--who would have thought they knew that fact but erred?
Hmmmm.
You're so good.
Karenina
Comment Written 20-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2021
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Karenina, My thoughts and prayers are with you and I know that you understand how deeply your problems and my own are troubling me. I apologize for the cut-and-paste response, but I am 200 behind and can't imagine any way to at least extend a thank you. Just know how appreciative I am for your time, your comments and how much you enjoy my story.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is another excellent chapter, Carol. I suspected it wasn't going to be Jaz, but the tattoo seemed to be the clincher. Then you told us we were wrong. Well done.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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This is another excellent chapter, Carol. I suspected it wasn't going to be Jaz, but the tattoo seemed to be the clincher. Then you told us we were wrong. Well done.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Thanks so much for the review and for enjoying my story. I hope it continues to draw your interest. It's tough to be able to read, review, answer, and write...but I am trying to do my best. Thank you for understanding.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from Carol Clark2
Good writing. Thanks for the notes of explanation, also. I'm so glad the body was not Jaz's. Looks like Vito messed up on the tattoo in his diabolical plan to get revenge. Blessings. Carol
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Good writing. Thanks for the notes of explanation, also. I'm so glad the body was not Jaz's. Looks like Vito messed up on the tattoo in his diabolical plan to get revenge. Blessings. Carol
Comment Written 20-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Thanks so much for the review and for enjoying my story. I hope it continues to draw your interest. It's tough to be able to read, review, answer, and write...but I am trying to do my best. Thank you for understanding.
Hugs, Carol
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We all know life has its ups and downs, and you've had more than your share. Continued prayers.