The Late Arrival
a 150-word story19 total reviews
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
SSSSSStupendous! Congratulations on your well-earned prize, Bill. This is as fine a flash as I've seen. So glad I caught up to this gem. Stunning ending; masterful misdirection. Brilliant piece. Cheerssssss. LIZ
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2021
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SSSSSStupendous! Congratulations on your well-earned prize, Bill. This is as fine a flash as I've seen. So glad I caught up to this gem. Stunning ending; masterful misdirection. Brilliant piece. Cheerssssss. LIZ
Comment Written 26-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2021
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Thank you, Liz, for the encouraging and kind review. Bill
Comment from dragonpoet
Bill,
It sounds like a lonely funeral for this guy. He may have been a long time soldier and had a rough return that caused the drinking. It is said when a person dies alone.
Congrats on placing second in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Joan
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2021
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Bill,
It sounds like a lonely funeral for this guy. He may have been a long time soldier and had a rough return that caused the drinking. It is said when a person dies alone.
Congrats on placing second in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Joan
Comment Written 26-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2021
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Thank you, Joan, for the kind review. Bill
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Thank you, Joan, for the kind review. Bill
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
The loss of popularity affected his departure and basically the same for his return. His return was the movement of his body to the final resting place. Well done.
Ralf
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2021
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The loss of popularity affected his departure and basically the same for his return. His return was the movement of his body to the final resting place. Well done.
Ralf
Comment Written 23-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2021
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Thank you, Ralf.
Comment from Frank Ball
That is well done; I must say. The ending bursts forth to reveal the answer to all the questions that build throughout. Well done; I say again in respect of your skill.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2021
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That is well done; I must say. The ending bursts forth to reveal the answer to all the questions that build throughout. Well done; I say again in respect of your skill.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2021
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Thank you, Frank, for the excellent review.
Comment from Kamrynn June
This is a wonderful short and sweet little story, Bill! I was instantly hooked and ready for more. Sad, happy, and full of mystery; leaving one with a desire for the writer to keep going! Artwork compliments nicely:)
-K
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2021
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This is a wonderful short and sweet little story, Bill! I was instantly hooked and ready for more. Sad, happy, and full of mystery; leaving one with a desire for the writer to keep going! Artwork compliments nicely:)
-K
Comment Written 21-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2021
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Thank you, Kamrynn, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from Jerome Goldberg
Bill - Exceedingly well done. A very subtle and well written description of one Marine / Soldier's trip from enlistment to grave. The world can be a lonely place - Jerry
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2021
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Bill - Exceedingly well done. A very subtle and well written description of one Marine / Soldier's trip from enlistment to grave. The world can be a lonely place - Jerry
Comment Written 20-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2021
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Thank you, Jerry, fo4 the terrific review. Bill
Comment from judiverse
This flows beautifully. Everything leads up to the final scene with the tales, tears, taps, and interment. The individual mentioned doesn't seem to have acquired many friends along the way, maybe because he was moving about so much. The image at the end is sad. "Taps" is always so sad to me. You create a mood in this, despite the limited wording the flash fiction allows. Best of luck in the contest. judi
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2021
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This flows beautifully. Everything leads up to the final scene with the tales, tears, taps, and interment. The individual mentioned doesn't seem to have acquired many friends along the way, maybe because he was moving about so much. The image at the end is sad. "Taps" is always so sad to me. You create a mood in this, despite the limited wording the flash fiction allows. Best of luck in the contest. judi
Comment Written 20-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2021
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Thank you, Judi, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from juliaSjames
Excellent misdirection in your ff. It wasn't until the final the paragraph that it became clear that the wayward boy who had joined the service was returning home as a deceased war hero.
You covered an entire lifetime in this short post..
"he had been gone longer than he had actually lived here" - I don't want to mess with your write, but I would suggest "actually lived in his home town" for clarity. You could trim an earlier paragraph if the word count is off.
Best of luck in the contest.
Stay safe healthy and blessed
Julia
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2021
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Excellent misdirection in your ff. It wasn't until the final the paragraph that it became clear that the wayward boy who had joined the service was returning home as a deceased war hero.
You covered an entire lifetime in this short post..
"he had been gone longer than he had actually lived here" - I don't want to mess with your write, but I would suggest "actually lived in his home town" for clarity. You could trim an earlier paragraph if the word count is off.
Best of luck in the contest.
Stay safe healthy and blessed
Julia
Comment Written 20-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2021
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Thank you, Julia, for the helpful suggestion. Bill
Comment from humpwhistle
Ah, what stories would he tell? Where had he been all that time? Were his major crimes committed before his departure, or after?
I like the bit about the poster family waving goodbye.
Is the last word supposed to be internment?
Best of luck, Bill.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2021
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Ah, what stories would he tell? Where had he been all that time? Were his major crimes committed before his departure, or after?
I like the bit about the poster family waving goodbye.
Is the last word supposed to be internment?
Best of luck, Bill.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 19-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2021
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Internment means confinement, like an internment camp. Interment, which I used, means buried. I had to look it up as apparently the online dictionary is confused. Thanks for keeping me honest.
Comment from BethShelby
This is good flash fiction. It certainly has the surprise ending which I look forward to in order to get some meaning out of flash fiction. I say the word morbid works well to explain his return. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2021
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This is good flash fiction. It certainly has the surprise ending which I look forward to in order to get some meaning out of flash fiction. I say the word morbid works well to explain his return. Nicely done.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2021
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Thank you, Beth, for the positive and encouraging review. Bill