Jessica's Year of Seeing Nature
There are so many beautiful things46 total reviews
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a very well-written and interesting story about Jessica's observations and activities. The only problem I noticed is that you named 4 children (2 boy names and 2 girl names) but you say she played with her sister(s) and brothers. Best of luck with this.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2021
  |
This is a very well-written and interesting story about Jessica's observations and activities. The only problem I noticed is that you named 4 children (2 boy names and 2 girl names) but you say she played with her sister(s) and brothers. Best of luck with this.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2021
-
Thanks.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
You have the makings of an excellent children's book here, Pookietoo. With some illustrations, it would not only be a fascinating read, but an educational one, too. Jessica learned and saw a lot during the year, and told us all the things she loved about the differernt seasons and weather patterns. I really enjoyed this, my friend, well done and good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2021
|
You have the makings of an excellent children's book here, Pookietoo. With some illustrations, it would not only be a fascinating read, but an educational one, too. Jessica learned and saw a lot during the year, and told us all the things she loved about the differernt seasons and weather patterns. I really enjoyed this, my friend, well done and good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 26-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2021
-
Thanks, the contest is over, I don't think this is a children's story?
-
Thanks, the contest is over. I don't think this is a children's story?
-
Not a story as such, but an education to make children more aware of what's around them.
-
Ok!
Comment from Sherry Asbury
I believe this is a warm and beautiful story about an awakening that will serve Jessica well all her life and her light will shine on the vital necessity of loving and protecting our animals.
well done!! I read what I might mistake...nature, in general, must be loved or appreciated, including our fauna, for the earth to thrive...sorry about that tunnel vision of mine!
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2021
|
I believe this is a warm and beautiful story about an awakening that will serve Jessica well all her life and her light will shine on the vital necessity of loving and protecting our animals.
well done!! I read what I might mistake...nature, in general, must be loved or appreciated, including our fauna, for the earth to thrive...sorry about that tunnel vision of mine!
Comment Written 26-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2021
-
Thanks, protecting our animals?
-
Thanks, loving and protecting our animals?
-
Those of us who appreciate animals shall be the ones to save them.
-
The only thing in this story was about the zoo animals.
-
Sigh - my apologies
-
:)
-
:)
Comment from zanya
This essay reminds the reader, through the Jensen family, of the many and varied aspects of the natural world which, in our hurried and rushed lives, we often fail to notice -
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2021
|
This essay reminds the reader, through the Jensen family, of the many and varied aspects of the natural world which, in our hurried and rushed lives, we often fail to notice -
Comment Written 26-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2021
-
Yes, thanks
-
Yes, thanks!
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
This is a good, solid story for children, and you could easily make it into a book with the help of an illustrator. Jessica is a good central character who a child would be able to relate to.
Here are some suggested revisions:
Jessica thought it was neat seeing so many stars in the sky on a clear night.
-->
Jessica thought it was neat, seeing so many stars in the sky on a clear night.
Walking by the river on the spring and summer months,
-->
Walking by the river in the spring and summer months,
Jessica loved to watch the ducks float and swim
-->
Jessica loved to watch the ducks float and swim.
On their nature walks, they would see caterpillars, praying mantids,
-->
On their nature walks, they would see caterpillars, praying mantises,
The Jensen family loved to eat homemade applesauce which Mrs. Thomas gave them to eat.
-->
The Jensen family loved to eat homemade applesauce, which Mrs. Thomas gave them to eat.
"In November and December whenever it snowed enough, Jessica enjoyed the same activities she enjoyed by herself and with her family in January and February." -- I think you might need to clarify this sentence a little more, and maybe break it up into at least two sentences.
***
You have a lot of variety in the story, with seasons, people, animals and nature.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2021
|
This is a good, solid story for children, and you could easily make it into a book with the help of an illustrator. Jessica is a good central character who a child would be able to relate to.
Here are some suggested revisions:
Jessica thought it was neat seeing so many stars in the sky on a clear night.
-->
Jessica thought it was neat, seeing so many stars in the sky on a clear night.
Walking by the river on the spring and summer months,
-->
Walking by the river in the spring and summer months,
Jessica loved to watch the ducks float and swim
-->
Jessica loved to watch the ducks float and swim.
On their nature walks, they would see caterpillars, praying mantids,
-->
On their nature walks, they would see caterpillars, praying mantises,
The Jensen family loved to eat homemade applesauce which Mrs. Thomas gave them to eat.
-->
The Jensen family loved to eat homemade applesauce, which Mrs. Thomas gave them to eat.
"In November and December whenever it snowed enough, Jessica enjoyed the same activities she enjoyed by herself and with her family in January and February." -- I think you might need to clarify this sentence a little more, and maybe break it up into at least two sentences.
***
You have a lot of variety in the story, with seasons, people, animals and nature.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2021
-
How do I break the November and December part into two sentences?
-
Hi, Pookietoo. I thought of a way you could actually write it as one sentence, but I think it flows better:
In November and December whenever it snowed enough, Jessica enjoyed winter activities by herself and with her family; in January and February, she enjoyed them even more.
I hope that helps. May God bless you.
Love, Mary Kay xoxo
-
I am going to keep it as it is. She didn't enjoy the winter activities more in January and February
-
Oh, okay. It usually snows more in January and February, than it does in November and December -- that was my train of thought.
But you should decide, as the author.
Best wishes with your story.
-
Thank you
-
Thanks anyway, the story wasn't meant for children either.
-
You're very welcome. My mistake -- it's still a lovely story.
-
Yes it is.
Comment from Wendy G
You have covered a range of things in nature that the girl came to enjoy through greater observation. You journey with her through the seasons. It sounds like she may be some-one within your own family?
Wendy
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2021
|
You have covered a range of things in nature that the girl came to enjoy through greater observation. You journey with her through the seasons. It sounds like she may be some-one within your own family?
Wendy
Comment Written 21-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2021
-
No, I made the story up.
Comment from Magpiemazy.
Excellent descriptions of the seasons. Recommend removing 'would' to replace it with a more active version, such as, instead 'would see' turned into 'saw.'
Your writing here shows you have a keen eye for observing all around you. Hugs, Maggie
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2021
 |
Excellent descriptions of the seasons. Recommend removing 'would' to replace it with a more active version, such as, instead 'would see' turned into 'saw.'
Your writing here shows you have a keen eye for observing all around you. Hugs, Maggie
Comment Written 18-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2021
-
Thanks very much.
Comment from tfawcus
This is a delightful pen picture of Jessica and the joys of her interaction with nature. There is so much to be appreciated and thankful for in this world of ours.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2021
|
This is a delightful pen picture of Jessica and the joys of her interaction with nature. There is so much to be appreciated and thankful for in this world of ours.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2021
-
Thanks so much for your review.
Comment from irishauthorme
Do I see a whole lot of personal, family history here?
We live in a small town in Wyoming, have bird feeders in the back yard and enjoy watching the different birds that come and feast.
The sunsets, changing colors and dusk are special times.
Liked your descriptions of the way Jessica enjoyed all the beauty in Nature, missed by so many and totally lost in big cities.
Thanks for sharing,
irish
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2021
|
Do I see a whole lot of personal, family history here?
We live in a small town in Wyoming, have bird feeders in the back yard and enjoy watching the different birds that come and feast.
The sunsets, changing colors and dusk are special times.
Liked your descriptions of the way Jessica enjoyed all the beauty in Nature, missed by so many and totally lost in big cities.
Thanks for sharing,
irish
Comment Written 17-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2021
-
You aare welcome. The story is fictional.
Comment from lyenochka
Thank you for pointing out the everyday beauty of the world that God created through the eyes of 8-year-old Jessica. Congrats on the All Time Best.
Missing word:
the robins [and] bluebirds.
Suggestion:
Since this is just about Jessica, there isn't any need to mention the other children or even your broad statement in the beginning. Perhaps it could start as "I believe that God created beauty everywhere," said eight-year-old Jessica. Then take us through her year of discovery.
Just a suggestion -- it's always your writing!
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2021
|
Thank you for pointing out the everyday beauty of the world that God created through the eyes of 8-year-old Jessica. Congrats on the All Time Best.
Missing word:
the robins [and] bluebirds.
Suggestion:
Since this is just about Jessica, there isn't any need to mention the other children or even your broad statement in the beginning. Perhaps it could start as "I believe that God created beauty everywhere," said eight-year-old Jessica. Then take us through her year of discovery.
Just a suggestion -- it's always your writing!
Comment Written 17-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2021
-
Thanks, I think I will keep it the way it is.
