The Chronicals Of Bethica: The Rise
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "The Chronicles Of Bethica"Abram must defeat a deadly humanoid race of beings
11 total reviews
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is another interesting chapter that had me holding my breath at times, Amahra. It also had me cheering for the female guards, but it looks like they have made grave error that could cost them. Well done.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2021
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This is another interesting chapter that had me holding my breath at times, Amahra. It also had me cheering for the female guards, but it looks like they have made grave error that could cost them. Well done.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2021
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Thank you, Judy. You are so perceptive. I'm glad you were pulling for the guards.
Comment from lyenochka
Interesting battle scene. You might need a small warning in the beginning although you kept the description of the gory parts minimal. The women guards definitely outclass those horrible seamen. But will the lower-ranking guard say something? And what was done to the bodies? And what if their shipmates notice they were missing? Will that mean their permission to sail through their seas be rescinded?
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2021
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Interesting battle scene. You might need a small warning in the beginning although you kept the description of the gory parts minimal. The women guards definitely outclass those horrible seamen. But will the lower-ranking guard say something? And what was done to the bodies? And what if their shipmates notice they were missing? Will that mean their permission to sail through their seas be rescinded?
Comment Written 05-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2021
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Yeah, I started to post a warning but, thought it wasn't really that graphic. Thank you for this fine review. And boy, are you on target; you asked all the right questions and part2 is already written.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Amahra, Once again you have written a suspenseful chapter which is so full of action. I loved it. Well, those men underestimated their enemy, never believing what an angry woman can do. Well written. You have caught my attention now. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2021
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Hi Amahra, Once again you have written a suspenseful chapter which is so full of action. I loved it. Well, those men underestimated their enemy, never believing what an angry woman can do. Well written. You have caught my attention now. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 03-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2021
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Thank you very much, Ulla.
Comment from Jan Anderegg
It's not easy to come into a book and start reading at an advanced chapter but your writing quickly caught me up and enthralled me. Woe be to any men, seawolves or otherwise who cross the path of that guard!
And the cliffhanger chapter ending left me wondering if she's going to have some answering to do after all if the suspicious guard decides it's worth the risk of reporting her?
Excellent chapter.
Jan
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2021
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It's not easy to come into a book and start reading at an advanced chapter but your writing quickly caught me up and enthralled me. Woe be to any men, seawolves or otherwise who cross the path of that guard!
And the cliffhanger chapter ending left me wondering if she's going to have some answering to do after all if the suspicious guard decides it's worth the risk of reporting her?
Excellent chapter.
Jan
Comment Written 03-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2021
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Thank you so much, Jan. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from justafan
"You're not human. You're...you're fallen angels, that's what you are," the leader said. "No woman can do what you do."
Underestimate your enemy and you pay the price, which these reckless fools did.
Another brilliant chapter my talented friend.
BRAVO!!
Always
Justafan of yours
Missy
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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"You're not human. You're...you're fallen angels, that's what you are," the leader said. "No woman can do what you do."
Underestimate your enemy and you pay the price, which these reckless fools did.
Another brilliant chapter my talented friend.
BRAVO!!
Always
Justafan of yours
Missy
Comment Written 02-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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LOL! Thank you so much. I really appreciate you following my work. The women are awesome in later chapters.
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You're such a talent, my friend
Comment from Ric Myworld
I would say it's best to avoid any confrontation with these gals unless intruders want to wind up dead. LOL. Bird City USA. There is a Bird City in Cheyenne County Kansas, but I'm assuming you're talking about the one in Wisconsin. "Land of pleasant living," sure sounds good to me. My six giant bird feeders out back and three syrupy hummingbird tanks out front wouldn't be enough to go around where you live. Thanks or sharing.
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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I would say it's best to avoid any confrontation with these gals unless intruders want to wind up dead. LOL. Bird City USA. There is a Bird City in Cheyenne County Kansas, but I'm assuming you're talking about the one in Wisconsin. "Land of pleasant living," sure sounds good to me. My six giant bird feeders out back and three syrupy hummingbird tanks out front wouldn't be enough to go around where you live. Thanks or sharing.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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Thank you so much, Ric. Yeah, these gals are pretty tough. Thanks for the stars.
Comment from Jay Squires
This is the type of writing I've grown used to reading from you, Amahra.
Here are a few notes as I read:
Her train measured thirteen to fourteen feet long--a Lunar Crest at her feet. [Patterned after the Arthur Waite Tarot Deck?--of course, his was patterned after an earlier model.]
"This is Lady Abrams, Mother. [Is it important who says this? Minor, I know ... but on the screen of my mind I hear the words but I can't see who says them.]
"Bless the gods, if my eyes have ever seen anything more lovely," [The next nine or so paragraphs need spacing between them.]
His fellow mates were horrified to see a severed phallus and blood squirting from the hole in his garment. [Owwww, dangit, I hate it when that happens!]
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2021
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This is the type of writing I've grown used to reading from you, Amahra.
Here are a few notes as I read:
Her train measured thirteen to fourteen feet long--a Lunar Crest at her feet. [Patterned after the Arthur Waite Tarot Deck?--of course, his was patterned after an earlier model.]
"This is Lady Abrams, Mother. [Is it important who says this? Minor, I know ... but on the screen of my mind I hear the words but I can't see who says them.]
"Bless the gods, if my eyes have ever seen anything more lovely," [The next nine or so paragraphs need spacing between them.]
His fellow mates were horrified to see a severed phallus and blood squirting from the hole in his garment. [Owwww, dangit, I hate it when that happens!]
Comment Written 01-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2021
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Owwww, LOL! You are too funny, Jay. Thanks for the stars, I really appreciate it. Ok, you're the second reviewer about the space. But it's already long and if I put space it's going to be even longer and no one will read it. But, ok 'sign' I'll space it, but if nobody reads it, I'm blaming you. LOL!
Comment from royowen
Well, the seamen didn't fare well against the Amazon guards, and nor would the others, but big people will beget big people, and the men, purely by anatomical design couldn't possibly be smaller, unless of course, they were biologically like spiders. Beautifully written, well done, excellent episode, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2021
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Well, the seamen didn't fare well against the Amazon guards, and nor would the others, but big people will beget big people, and the men, purely by anatomical design couldn't possibly be smaller, unless of course, they were biologically like spiders. Beautifully written, well done, excellent episode, blessings Roy
Comment Written 01-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2021
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Thank you very much, Roy.
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Most welcome
Comment from dellsworthpoet
A gripping story. The flow is good. The characters are epic, but could use some relief to their pure good or evil. I might suggest some bump in descriptive passages.
I will mention the dream early on:
The garment vest-like robe in Age Of Chivalry were often called tunics which has a more romantic sound.
Shin guards from this period are called greaves and extended knee to ankle.
On these and mask think of exchanging metal for bronze, iron, or whatever and mention the finish: burnished, polished, matte.
Also arms and legs covered with gray wool could be taken to mean he had a pelt rather than just skin. Perhaps course, gray, woolen cloth or if you wish pelt specify.
I enjoyed this story. Keep writing.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2021
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A gripping story. The flow is good. The characters are epic, but could use some relief to their pure good or evil. I might suggest some bump in descriptive passages.
I will mention the dream early on:
The garment vest-like robe in Age Of Chivalry were often called tunics which has a more romantic sound.
Shin guards from this period are called greaves and extended knee to ankle.
On these and mask think of exchanging metal for bronze, iron, or whatever and mention the finish: burnished, polished, matte.
Also arms and legs covered with gray wool could be taken to mean he had a pelt rather than just skin. Perhaps course, gray, woolen cloth or if you wish pelt specify.
I enjoyed this story. Keep writing.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2021
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Thank you so much. Your suggestions are wonderful and will be included in my editing. You are greatly appreciated. Blessings.
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You are welcome. Keep writing
Comment from NANCY V. FORREST
I truly like the premise an the characters as presented, so far. There are moments when the flow falters and on a few occasions, the word choice could be more precise. Simple editing issues. The proposed plot, the presented characters, and the general discriptions are well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2021
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I truly like the premise an the characters as presented, so far. There are moments when the flow falters and on a few occasions, the word choice could be more precise. Simple editing issues. The proposed plot, the presented characters, and the general discriptions are well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2021
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Thank you very much, Nancy.
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You are welcome/