The Chronicals Of Bethica: The Rise
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "The Chronicles Of Bethica"Abram must defeat a deadly humanoid race of beings
11 total reviews
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is a good chapter, Amhara, with some suspense and some lighthearted humor in the end. Poor Dinary let Celio convince him to not listen to his normally rational thoughts. Well done.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
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This is a good chapter, Amhara, with some suspense and some lighthearted humor in the end. Poor Dinary let Celio convince him to not listen to his normally rational thoughts. Well done.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
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Thank you so much, Judy. I really appreciate you.
Comment from lyenochka
This feels like a fantasy story and the plot is very familiar with a young person egged on by his friend to follow his curiosity and get into trouble. I especially liked your description of the staff which balanced magic with the precise measurements of science. Great job!
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
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This feels like a fantasy story and the plot is very familiar with a young person egged on by his friend to follow his curiosity and get into trouble. I especially liked your description of the staff which balanced magic with the precise measurements of science. Great job!
Comment Written 22-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
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Thank you so much. I'm glad you like the chapter. Hope you enjoy the next.
Comment from Ulla
Hi amahra, I have to say that you have the most wonderful imagination possible. To make up something like this is wonderful. Being a sailor most of my life, this really appeals to me. It's also wonderfully written. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2021
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Hi amahra, I have to say that you have the most wonderful imagination possible. To make up something like this is wonderful. Being a sailor most of my life, this really appeals to me. It's also wonderfully written. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 21-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2021
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Thank you so very much, Ulla.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Oops, the old fashion sailor humiliation-scrubbing the deck on your hands and knees, poor fellow. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2021
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Oops, the old fashion sailor humiliation-scrubbing the deck on your hands and knees, poor fellow. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2021
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Thank you very much for your review.
Comment from forestport12
Loved the punchy dialogue without tags. Dialogue is not easy to make it feel real. You understand how it must work and that folk don't talk in complete sentences. Keeping a fantasy story real, not that is something. And I voted for you for book of the month. You have the ability to build a strong plot and deeply felt characters.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2021
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Loved the punchy dialogue without tags. Dialogue is not easy to make it feel real. You understand how it must work and that folk don't talk in complete sentences. Keeping a fantasy story real, not that is something. And I voted for you for book of the month. You have the ability to build a strong plot and deeply felt characters.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2021
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Ah, thank you. So you voted for me. I'm so flattered. I looked for your recent post, but you didn't have one. I'm so glad you like the chapter.
Comment from J. P. Olesen
Hi, amahra,
Just gave this a quick read and, again, really enjoyed it. I hope your work catches the attention of someone much higher up the food chain than me.
My eye hesitated briefly one one passage, and I'm not sure if anything ought to be re-written.
Would this:
"He unwrapped the staff, examined it again, and was mesmerized."
be smoother than:
"He unwrapped the staff and examined it again, and was mesmerized."
You would know better than I do.
Marvelous writing!
All the best,
J. P.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2021
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Hi, amahra,
Just gave this a quick read and, again, really enjoyed it. I hope your work catches the attention of someone much higher up the food chain than me.
My eye hesitated briefly one one passage, and I'm not sure if anything ought to be re-written.
Would this:
"He unwrapped the staff, examined it again, and was mesmerized."
be smoother than:
"He unwrapped the staff and examined it again, and was mesmerized."
You would know better than I do.
Marvelous writing!
All the best,
J. P.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2021
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No, you're right. My eyes missed that. Thank you so very much, J. P.
Comment from Jay Squires
This was a change of pace chapter, Amahra, delightfully so. Almost like comic relief after two or three previous chapters of intense action. Good job. Just a few minor things:
How were we to know it was there?." [Remove the period]
"What are you talking about? Quick, grabbed the scrolls," [Quick, GRAB the scrolls,"]
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2021
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This was a change of pace chapter, Amahra, delightfully so. Almost like comic relief after two or three previous chapters of intense action. Good job. Just a few minor things:
How were we to know it was there?." [Remove the period]
"What are you talking about? Quick, grabbed the scrolls," [Quick, GRAB the scrolls,"]
Comment Written 19-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2021
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I corrected grab over 2 hours ago when Ric pointed it out. But I will get to that period. Thanks, Jay.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Boys will be boys. LOL I enjoyed reading. This seems like normal family interactions with a little magic thrown in. It was fun.
The next day, while several members of the crew pointed (the following day)
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2021
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Boys will be boys. LOL I enjoyed reading. This seems like normal family interactions with a little magic thrown in. It was fun.
The next day, while several members of the crew pointed (the following day)
Comment Written 19-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2021
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from royowen
It looks Dinary and Celio, have been playing with fire, or rather playing with wind, and in the process they have done damage to the ship. This looks like a mighty weapon as Gangus well knows. The story gets much more interesting, in a world of giants and Amazons and other imaginative creatures, it's a fascinating story, well done Amahra, blessings Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2021
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It looks Dinary and Celio, have been playing with fire, or rather playing with wind, and in the process they have done damage to the ship. This looks like a mighty weapon as Gangus well knows. The story gets much more interesting, in a world of giants and Amazons and other imaginative creatures, it's a fascinating story, well done Amahra, blessings Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2021
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Thank you very much.
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Welcome
Comment from justafan
Pfft that Ric... said same to me... no 6's. Did they evaporate? Lol
This is absolutely a 6 chapter!! I'm glad I still had one for you (unlike someone else) haha!!
Brilliant my friend. Just brilliant!
Always
Justafan of yours
Missy
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2021
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Pfft that Ric... said same to me... no 6's. Did they evaporate? Lol
This is absolutely a 6 chapter!! I'm glad I still had one for you (unlike someone else) haha!!
Brilliant my friend. Just brilliant!
Always
Justafan of yours
Missy
Comment Written 19-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2021
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Thank you, lol. I really appreciate you, your review, and the stars.