The Last Shot
75 word flash fiction15 total reviews
Comment from DeboraDyess
Tragic. I literally started off smiling and ended up with sorrow. You did well with this.
I taught in an inner-city school in Austin, TX for a while. On the last day of school one year, the Bloods and Crypts met on our playground to fight. The teachers were instructed to lock the doors to keep the kids inside, but some of them had dads or brothers in opposing gangs. The kids who had played on that very playground the day before were fighting each other in the classrooms. It's a horrible situation. I wish I were smart enough to figure out the answer to it.
But you pegged it.
Hey, didn't you just win the newcomer award?
Blessings,
Deb
reply by the author on 27-May-2021
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Tragic. I literally started off smiling and ended up with sorrow. You did well with this.
I taught in an inner-city school in Austin, TX for a while. On the last day of school one year, the Bloods and Crypts met on our playground to fight. The teachers were instructed to lock the doors to keep the kids inside, but some of them had dads or brothers in opposing gangs. The kids who had played on that very playground the day before were fighting each other in the classrooms. It's a horrible situation. I wish I were smart enough to figure out the answer to it.
But you pegged it.
Hey, didn't you just win the newcomer award?
Blessings,
Deb
Comment Written 27-May-2021
reply by the author on 27-May-2021
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I also worked in an inner-city school in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania? An alternative school. The gangs were bad there too. I wish I could figure out how to fix it too. It's heartbreaking.
I think I came in second place in the newcomer contest. Thank you for recognizing me. :-) Thank you also for your review and comments. They are appreciated. Hugs and blessings to you.
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It's definitely a different life.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that a few of us are putting together a book of short horror stories. If you're interested, shoot me a message. They need to be 4 pages or less (about 400 words). We are allowing a few longer stories, but they must be considered short reads. We'll publish at the end of September. No pay at first, but hopefully, there will be some as time passes. But you can grab a copy at cost (from KDP's scale) and your name will be on the front cover. It will make interesting Christmas gifts. :)
Blessings and hugs,
Deb
Comment from dragonpoet
This is a short and sad story about growing up. It takes you from innocence to evil. It shows the effects of drugs has a lives. It also uses colors to show the move from life to death.
Congrats on placing second in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 26-May-2021
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This is a short and sad story about growing up. It takes you from innocence to evil. It shows the effects of drugs has a lives. It also uses colors to show the move from life to death.
Congrats on placing second in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy
dragonpoet
Comment Written 26-May-2021
reply by the author on 26-May-2021
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Thank you so much for your review and comments. Humbly appreciate both.
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You are most kindly welcome.
dp
Comment from Jay Squires
Wow! This is impressive, your use of the verb "To Shoot", for hoops, conversation and heroin, clearly demonstrating by the end of your 75-word limit the effects of each. I loved your subtle use of repetition and the contrast of innocent fun against deadly consequences. Congratulations, Leann going out to you for your finish in the 75-word contest! Huzzah!
Truly, I wish I had a six to cap my applause!
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Wow! This is impressive, your use of the verb "To Shoot", for hoops, conversation and heroin, clearly demonstrating by the end of your 75-word limit the effects of each. I loved your subtle use of repetition and the contrast of innocent fun against deadly consequences. Congratulations, Leann going out to you for your finish in the 75-word contest! Huzzah!
Truly, I wish I had a six to cap my applause!
Comment Written 25-May-2021
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Thank you so, very much. I humbly appreciate your encouraging comments. And just the thought of a six star rating is enough. Hugs.
Comment from LJbutterfly
This story is so well written and so horrible. You creatively took us from two elementary school boys shooting hoops in the park, to two gang members shooting at each other. Your powerful story starts in fun and ends in death, all within 75 words. Well done. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-May-2021
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This story is so well written and so horrible. You creatively took us from two elementary school boys shooting hoops in the park, to two gang members shooting at each other. Your powerful story starts in fun and ends in death, all within 75 words. Well done. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 15-May-2021
reply by the author on 15-May-2021
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Thank you so much. I appreciate your comments and review. Hugs.
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
I was indeed shocked despite knowing the wrong path today's kids take. But then it all depends on their upbringing and the neighbourhood these kids grow up in. Gangsters and drug peddlers are always preying on these innocent souls. Good luck!
reply by the author on 15-May-2021
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I was indeed shocked despite knowing the wrong path today's kids take. But then it all depends on their upbringing and the neighbourhood these kids grow up in. Gangsters and drug peddlers are always preying on these innocent souls. Good luck!
Comment Written 15-May-2021
reply by the author on 15-May-2021
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That is very true. It just breaks my heart every time I hear of it. I wish I could take all these kids in and put them in my safe house. Wouldn't it be great to save them all? Hugs.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is a powerful and poignant write Leann and depending on the neighbourhood these kids grow up in, they fall into the hands of drug addicts and gangsters, it is a sad tale honestly written, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 15-May-2021
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This is a powerful and poignant write Leann and depending on the neighbourhood these kids grow up in, they fall into the hands of drug addicts and gangsters, it is a sad tale honestly written, love Dolly x
Comment Written 15-May-2021
reply by the author on 15-May-2021
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Thank you, Dolly. It is, indeed, so sad and breaks my heart every day.
Comment from lancellot
This is a very sad reality of life in many places. The parks have become places were more than what was intended take place. What is the answer? how can it all be changed and do we have what it takes to make those changes? I don't think so.
Well crafted entry.
reply by the author on 15-May-2021
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This is a very sad reality of life in many places. The parks have become places were more than what was intended take place. What is the answer? how can it all be changed and do we have what it takes to make those changes? I don't think so.
Well crafted entry.
Comment Written 15-May-2021
reply by the author on 15-May-2021
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Personally, I think Jesus is the answer. Jesus is synonymous with love. Love is always the answer. And Jesus is always enough. But I totally hear you. It is so heartbreaking. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Brilliant. A shocker for sure, stunningly rendered in a flash--I expect to be back with congrats. Devastating development--from childhood friends to death by one at the hand of the other.
reply by the author on 15-May-2021
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Brilliant. A shocker for sure, stunningly rendered in a flash--I expect to be back with congrats. Devastating development--from childhood friends to death by one at the hand of the other.
Comment Written 14-May-2021
reply by the author on 15-May-2021
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Thank you so much for your encouragement and support. It is humbly appreciated. Hugs.
Comment from Begin Again
Oh, wow... Leann... this one really hits a nerve and definitely shows the truth of today's generation. They can grow up together, be best friends, and then...something unspeakable happens. More than just sad... it's devastating. Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 15-May-2021
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Oh, wow... Leann... this one really hits a nerve and definitely shows the truth of today's generation. They can grow up together, be best friends, and then...something unspeakable happens. More than just sad... it's devastating. Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 14-May-2021
reply by the author on 15-May-2021
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Yes, it is. Totally heartbreaking. I wish I had the answer that would save them all. Hugs and blessings.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
What a sad story well told in your contest entry, Leann. You led up to the last line perfectly. I like that you left it to readers to make their own conclusions about who will never shoot anything again. Best wishes.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 14-May-2021
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What a sad story well told in your contest entry, Leann. You led up to the last line perfectly. I like that you left it to readers to make their own conclusions about who will never shoot anything again. Best wishes.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 14-May-2021
reply by the author on 14-May-2021
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Thank you for your comments and review.