The Time Has Come!
She's afraid!27 total reviews
Comment from Janice Canerdy
This is very well-done--skillfully worded so as to build suspense and mystery, to describe vividly the character's knee-knocking terror, to deliver that last line! Excellent
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2020
  |
This is very well-done--skillfully worded so as to build suspense and mystery, to describe vividly the character's knee-knocking terror, to deliver that last line! Excellent
Comment Written 30-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2020
-
Thank you. I'm so happy you thought so.
Comment from Dana Starr
Bahahaha. You had me going for a little bit. I enjoy a surprise ending and you didn't disappoint. It's short and I think you could even add to it to make the punch at the end even more powerful. Nevertheless, you did a good job. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2020
|
Bahahaha. You had me going for a little bit. I enjoy a surprise ending and you didn't disappoint. It's short and I think you could even add to it to make the punch at the end even more powerful. Nevertheless, you did a good job. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 30-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2020
-
Thank you. I'm happy you liked it.
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hi Yvonne.
You set the story up very well by using a dark secluded are of the basement. Everyone knows hiding in the basement is a sign of imminent horror.
The climax of the story is excellent. The reader knows something horrible is about to happen. The resolution of the story is clever and well written.
Good luck in the contest.
Robert
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2020
|
Hi Yvonne.
You set the story up very well by using a dark secluded are of the basement. Everyone knows hiding in the basement is a sign of imminent horror.
The climax of the story is excellent. The reader knows something horrible is about to happen. The resolution of the story is clever and well written.
Good luck in the contest.
Robert
Comment Written 30-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2020
-
Thank you, Robert. I don't enter contests, but I thought I'd try one.
-
Yvonne
This is a good one.
Robert
Comment from judiverse
I love this! You give a great buildup, and we can feel the narrator's fear over what's happening tonight. Great description in your second paragraph. We can really imagine what the hapless victim is going through. Hiding in the basement is a great touch, too. "Tools needed for the job" is another great detail. Well, I suppose paying the bills can be pretty traumatic. I just let my husband take care of that. Best of luck in the contest. Your entry has the necessary ingredients. judi
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2020
|
I love this! You give a great buildup, and we can feel the narrator's fear over what's happening tonight. Great description in your second paragraph. We can really imagine what the hapless victim is going through. Hiding in the basement is a great touch, too. "Tools needed for the job" is another great detail. Well, I suppose paying the bills can be pretty traumatic. I just let my husband take care of that. Best of luck in the contest. Your entry has the necessary ingredients. judi
Comment Written 30-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2020
-
Thank you so much for reviewing and for the best wishes. I used to hate paying bill, but not so much since I have online banking. 8-)
-
You're welcome. My husband pays the bills online. I gladly let me do it. judi
Comment from lyenochka
Oh my! I was wondering who the narrator was - an animal or human? Or even an inanimate object? And then it's a simple ordeal of paying the bills! Lol. You sure had me surprised. Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2020
|
Oh my! I was wondering who the narrator was - an animal or human? Or even an inanimate object? And then it's a simple ordeal of paying the bills! Lol. You sure had me surprised. Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 30-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2020
-
Thank you. I have no idea of winning, but I wanted to try.
-
So happy you tried. No one knows if they stand a chance but we'll never know if we don't try. 😻
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job, Yvonne, I enjoyed reading your entry. Your storyline works well, you give readers time to wonder what will happen--you set that stage nicely, Your words are descriptive and create great imagery. I could see everything you wrote in this scenario. Readers can feel the intensity of the situation. I like how it unfolds at the end and I like that it was shorter but still had me engaged from start to finish. Best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2020
 |
You did a great job, Yvonne, I enjoyed reading your entry. Your storyline works well, you give readers time to wonder what will happen--you set that stage nicely, Your words are descriptive and create great imagery. I could see everything you wrote in this scenario. Readers can feel the intensity of the situation. I like how it unfolds at the end and I like that it was shorter but still had me engaged from start to finish. Best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 30-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2020
-
Thank you for this wonderful review. As usual, you make me feel so good.
Comment from Sally Law
You really had me going here, dairy van. I just can't imagine you doing a hard piece though and I thought maybe there was relieved at the end. I got a feeling you might win though this is really well done and executed to the very end. Sending my best today is always in my very best for the contest, Sally XOs....
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2020
|
You really had me going here, dairy van. I just can't imagine you doing a hard piece though and I thought maybe there was relieved at the end. I got a feeling you might win though this is really well done and executed to the very end. Sending my best today is always in my very best for the contest, Sally XOs....
Comment Written 30-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2020
-
Thank you. I have no hope of winning, but I wanted to try.
Comment from Mary Vigasin
This is clever and fun read. I love how you build fear and suspense and have a fun ending.
Very well done.
Good luck in the contest.
Happy new Year.
Mary
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2020
|
This is clever and fun read. I love how you build fear and suspense and have a fun ending.
Very well done.
Good luck in the contest.
Happy new Year.
Mary
Comment Written 30-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2020
-
Thank you. I'm so glad you liked it.
Comment from robyn corum
Y,
What a fun piece. As I read, I immediately started trying to guess what was going to happen (what WAS happening). I thought maybe the person was playing hide-and-seek - like with a kid, maybe. You kept my attention and kept me curious right up to the moment you offered the fun and unpredictable reveal. *smile*
Note:
it won't be as bad as I expect. Hopefully, it won't be as bad as the last time.
--> what a delightful portion! It offers so much in the way of foreshadowing (AND backstory!)... While I was waiting to see what you had coming at us, I found this to be really intriguing. There was no way I would have stopped reading after that. *smile*
Good job! I enjoyed! Good luck in the booth!
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2020
|
Y,
What a fun piece. As I read, I immediately started trying to guess what was going to happen (what WAS happening). I thought maybe the person was playing hide-and-seek - like with a kid, maybe. You kept my attention and kept me curious right up to the moment you offered the fun and unpredictable reveal. *smile*
Note:
it won't be as bad as I expect. Hopefully, it won't be as bad as the last time.
--> what a delightful portion! It offers so much in the way of foreshadowing (AND backstory!)... While I was waiting to see what you had coming at us, I found this to be really intriguing. There was no way I would have stopped reading after that. *smile*
Good job! I enjoyed! Good luck in the booth!
Comment Written 30-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2020
-
Thank you so much for this great review. I have no hope of winning, but I wanted to try. I'm glad you enjoyed the story.
Comment from Miss Cookie Atkinson
Wow!
You got me this time
you captured my attention from the first line to the last
I never expected it to end that way I couldn't stop chuckling
This is a good one.
Thank you for sharing
Cookie
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2020
|
Wow!
You got me this time
you captured my attention from the first line to the last
I never expected it to end that way I couldn't stop chuckling
This is a good one.
Thank you for sharing
Cookie
Comment Written 30-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2020
-
Thank you. If you got a chuckle, then I did my job. 8-)
-
I did and you did a great job
Cookie
