Within the Bone
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "An Ambush"A tale of love, magic, and revenge.
3 total reviews
Comment from AJ McCall
Geeze, this enemy is not playing! The way you describe the fight and the vigor and the attitude which I find most interesting is amazing! Saevia is not one to be messed with. But I'm really looking forward to seeing the chapter with Mara and Aallotar! Can't wait to read it!
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2020
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Geeze, this enemy is not playing! The way you describe the fight and the vigor and the attitude which I find most interesting is amazing! Saevia is not one to be messed with. But I'm really looking forward to seeing the chapter with Mara and Aallotar! Can't wait to read it!
Comment Written 28-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2020
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Thanks for reading and reviewing! Saevia definitely means business. And I?ve been enjoying the heck out of Mara and Aallotar, so I hope you do too.
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Thanks for reading and reviewing! Saevia definitely means business. And I?ve been enjoying the heck out of Mara and Aallotar, so I hope you do too.
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I do indeed! You're welcome!
Comment from Ben B.
Glad you focused on the visual details, that's important for a story of your genre. I've noticed that some of your quotes were randomly all caps or italics. Any pattern to those or were those just emphasis on words?
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2020
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Glad you focused on the visual details, that's important for a story of your genre. I've noticed that some of your quotes were randomly all caps or italics. Any pattern to those or were those just emphasis on words?
Comment Written 26-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2020
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So italics is coming over a speaking stone, caps indicate demons/angels speaking. I needed a way to indicate how inhuman they sounded, just like the gods of the Imperium get bold. Thank you for reading and reviewing, I really appreciate it.
Comment from Liz O'Neill
In addition to the character development you strengthen with vivid imagery, this is poetic and alliterative. Some may not notice but I appreciate it. Your alliteration becomes onomatopoetic at times. This makes it more enjoyable for the reader. You leave the reader wanting to read more.
This is A+ material.
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2020
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In addition to the character development you strengthen with vivid imagery, this is poetic and alliterative. Some may not notice but I appreciate it. Your alliteration becomes onomatopoetic at times. This makes it more enjoyable for the reader. You leave the reader wanting to read more.
This is A+ material.
Comment Written 26-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2020
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate it. I?ve been trying really hard to work on prose having better flow, so hearing that the alliteration works is really helpful. I know I?m flailing in the right direction.
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You're on your way. You have an entertainingly poetic writing voice. I couldn't get past 2 pages of the Lord of the Rings. It lacked any poetic movement. But how I love Steinbeck. I found a pdf of his Cannery Row. From time to time I just go to the first few paragraphs and savor his work.
