Within the Bone
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "A Dangerous Proposition"A tale of love, magic, and revenge.
3 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
K,
Such a fascinating storyline you are weaving. I've said before that I do not care for fantasy, but there are a couple of writers here who rise above the average fantastical tale. I really enjoyed this. FAb job. Thanks!
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2020
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K,
Such a fascinating storyline you are weaving. I've said before that I do not care for fantasy, but there are a couple of writers here who rise above the average fantastical tale. I really enjoyed this. FAb job. Thanks!
Comment Written 22-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2020
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Thank you very much! I take it being readable as a high compliment. I?ll work to keep it up.
Comment from AJ McCall
Glad I had my fingers crossed. But oooh, a demon? Mara is definitely is valuable... but for what reason? And Aallotar, will they be able to break her curse? Why is the Demon helping them? And what will Mara's family do when they discover they're gone? I can't wait to know!!!!! In the next chapter! Have a lovely Sunday morning!!!!!
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
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Glad I had my fingers crossed. But oooh, a demon? Mara is definitely is valuable... but for what reason? And Aallotar, will they be able to break her curse? Why is the Demon helping them? And what will Mara's family do when they discover they're gone? I can't wait to know!!!!! In the next chapter! Have a lovely Sunday morning!!!!!
Comment Written 20-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing. I'm hoping Sammael will be an interesting character for the reader, though as a demon his odds of being entirely benevolent are a bit dubious. Should be fun!
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Sounds like it will be fun! You're welcome!!!!!
Comment from lancellot
This is a well written and exciting chapter. Except for commas here and there it is very good. I'm not a coma expert but you may want to look into that down the road.
notes:
{The} wound their way through passages as quickly as they could without raising too much noise.
- They
There {wasn't} even hinges or a lock.
- weren't, because hinges is plural or you change hinges to: a hinge
"So[,] what do you want from us?"
- example of missing commas
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
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This is a well written and exciting chapter. Except for commas here and there it is very good. I'm not a coma expert but you may want to look into that down the road.
notes:
{The} wound their way through passages as quickly as they could without raising too much noise.
- They
There {wasn't} even hinges or a lock.
- weren't, because hinges is plural or you change hinges to: a hinge
"So[,] what do you want from us?"
- example of missing commas
Comment Written 20-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
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Thanks for catching those. I went back and fixed the two you saw aside from commas and I'll look through it to see where I can add some commas. I really appreciate you reading and reviewing.
