The Killing Wall
Ready... Aim... Listen37 total reviews
Comment from Caveman1
Simply right on! In my world perfect. No pon intented... right on target! FanStory mandates me to type more words of this awesome flash fiction. I don't what more to type.
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2020
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Simply right on! In my world perfect. No pon intented... right on target! FanStory mandates me to type more words of this awesome flash fiction. I don't what more to type.
Comment Written 30-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2020
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You didn't need to type more for my benefit. Just to say it was on target was all that was necessary. Your six says volumes! Thanks!
Comment from dragonpoet
Jay,
What a horrible situation for both the doomed and the firing squad. To have to be forced to kill at such close range and not really know if you are going to become the murdered or the murderer.
It is a very vivid description use sight, sound and emotion
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Happy Holidays.
Joan
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
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Jay,
What a horrible situation for both the doomed and the firing squad. To have to be forced to kill at such close range and not really know if you are going to become the murdered or the murderer.
It is a very vivid description use sight, sound and emotion
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Happy Holidays.
Joan
Comment Written 20-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
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Thank you so much, Joan. Your kind words and the stars mean a lot to me.
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You are most kindly welcome, Jay.
Joan
Comment from Carlos' girl
nice job, jay..i love the absolute originality of your topic, its so refreshing to read something out of tbe ordinary..i cant say anything but, well done.
yours, c.g.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
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nice job, jay..i love the absolute originality of your topic, its so refreshing to read something out of tbe ordinary..i cant say anything but, well done.
yours, c.g.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
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Many thanks, C.G. You are so kind!
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i did like it...really cool idea
Comment from Dawn Munro
Uh, oh my, you made this just a little too real... simply horrific, Jay (and I was there)! Let us pray for those who would have to face such a fate, and I am pretty sure places still exist that execute with a firing squad...
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
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Uh, oh my, you made this just a little too real... simply horrific, Jay (and I was there)! Let us pray for those who would have to face such a fate, and I am pretty sure places still exist that execute with a firing squad...
Comment Written 19-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
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There is one state in the U.S. that is considering it as an alternative to lethal injections. Meanwhile, thanks, Dawn for your kind words ... and for the lovely 6 stars! Have a lovely, save and blessed Christmas, my dear friend.
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You're very welcome.
Comment from sammielwf
Jay Squires,
The Killing Wall...ready, aim, listen is one hell of a poignant piece of writing.
From the pock marks in the bullet ridden wall to the sudden release of urine.
This may be flash fiction- bit I have a feeling that this story of death by execution has been carried out in all different countries. Again and again.
Powerful write- if I had a six left I would pin it on this piece.
Sammielwf
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2020
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Jay Squires,
The Killing Wall...ready, aim, listen is one hell of a poignant piece of writing.
From the pock marks in the bullet ridden wall to the sudden release of urine.
This may be flash fiction- bit I have a feeling that this story of death by execution has been carried out in all different countries. Again and again.
Powerful write- if I had a six left I would pin it on this piece.
Sammielwf
Comment Written 17-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2020
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Thank you so much for your vote of confidence. With your kind words, a six would have been superfluous.
Comment from lyenochka
Great job with the intense description of a life to death scenario. I don't think the Socrates mentioned here is the Greek philosopher as he didn't know anything about guns. Congratulations on your placement in the contest!
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2020
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Great job with the intense description of a life to death scenario. I don't think the Socrates mentioned here is the Greek philosopher as he didn't know anything about guns. Congratulations on your placement in the contest!
Comment Written 17-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2020
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No, I did realize that about Socrates. It was more to show the subject's disengagement. Thanks for reading.
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hello Jay, I always read the ones who did not win as well as the winner. This one of yours is very clever - it's a well written, gripping story. Congrats. Dorothy x
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2020
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Hello Jay, I always read the ones who did not win as well as the winner. This one of yours is very clever - it's a well written, gripping story. Congrats. Dorothy x
Comment Written 17-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2020
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Thank you so much, Dorothy. I appreciate your interest and kind words.
Comment from --Turtle.
A tense 75 words here, Jay. Solid setup and steady pace. The premise being a firing squad to a group of prisoners, but one of those men will have a blank. (Thus one of the prisoners won't get shot?) Sounds like a setup situation where one of those prisoners might not actually be a prisoner. But maybe asked to stay in role until the end, so it didn't seem like he gave up any secrets. That be a tricky way to let your undercover operatives back out to the wild. (setting up a sometimes the leader randomly lets one go based on the firing squad)
The POV of this flash doesn't know, or ponder any of that though... only recalls hearing the old rule of thumb how you never hear the shot that kills you. (at least if the shot kills you instantly, and the distance is enough that it takes the sound enough time between the bullet.)
And the fear and anxiety is tangible, with the tale ending just after the setup to wonder if sound will be heard... thus... if pov hears the shot ... he would have survived.
Gives his mind something to focus on in facing the firing squad. Being told there might be a blank in one of the guns maybe gives some hope that you have a 1 in ... some chance to pray for some luck.
I wonder if the guy with the blank has to run over and stab the survivor? To test the follow throughness of those youths. Keep the firing squad position interesting for today's kids... if you got the blank, par cor over there and finish the job the hard way.
I don't know or have experience with a lot of accurate firing squad situations, but I had it in my head there was usually a lot of shooters aimed at one victim... and the shooters wouldn't know which guns had bullets, but there was a good chance it was enough to ensure the victims didn't survive. That way, there was enough wiggle room to not feel like a murderer? Like some freakinomics thing that when having some of the guns have blanks == better aim for shooters? Even though only one had a blank.
But I'm rambling. This short story was tense and in the pov of a man facing death with little to hope for but a sound maybe meaning his life.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2020
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A tense 75 words here, Jay. Solid setup and steady pace. The premise being a firing squad to a group of prisoners, but one of those men will have a blank. (Thus one of the prisoners won't get shot?) Sounds like a setup situation where one of those prisoners might not actually be a prisoner. But maybe asked to stay in role until the end, so it didn't seem like he gave up any secrets. That be a tricky way to let your undercover operatives back out to the wild. (setting up a sometimes the leader randomly lets one go based on the firing squad)
The POV of this flash doesn't know, or ponder any of that though... only recalls hearing the old rule of thumb how you never hear the shot that kills you. (at least if the shot kills you instantly, and the distance is enough that it takes the sound enough time between the bullet.)
And the fear and anxiety is tangible, with the tale ending just after the setup to wonder if sound will be heard... thus... if pov hears the shot ... he would have survived.
Gives his mind something to focus on in facing the firing squad. Being told there might be a blank in one of the guns maybe gives some hope that you have a 1 in ... some chance to pray for some luck.
I wonder if the guy with the blank has to run over and stab the survivor? To test the follow throughness of those youths. Keep the firing squad position interesting for today's kids... if you got the blank, par cor over there and finish the job the hard way.
I don't know or have experience with a lot of accurate firing squad situations, but I had it in my head there was usually a lot of shooters aimed at one victim... and the shooters wouldn't know which guns had bullets, but there was a good chance it was enough to ensure the victims didn't survive. That way, there was enough wiggle room to not feel like a murderer? Like some freakinomics thing that when having some of the guns have blanks == better aim for shooters? Even though only one had a blank.
But I'm rambling. This short story was tense and in the pov of a man facing death with little to hope for but a sound maybe meaning his life.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2020
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Ah ... Turtle has arrived. I consider this piece a success if for no other reason than the speculation it inspired throughout its readership. Yours was, and always seems to me, the most complete and rounded thought and for that, I thank you, Turtle.
Comment from Ben1
This is a quite dark and interesting flash fiction. I liked how you described the last things he/she saw like the bulletin holes in the wall. I liked they way you played with the legend of a blank being put into one of the rifles. Which is funny because I just watched a video on that. No one really knows if it's true, but if it is they did that for two reasons. One, to calm the prisoner. Two, is to calm the executioner who would have felt very bad if the were killing woman and children or there own comrade who must have deserted. Sorry about the ramble I just find this legend so interesting and I'm happy you put it to use. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2020
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This is a quite dark and interesting flash fiction. I liked how you described the last things he/she saw like the bulletin holes in the wall. I liked they way you played with the legend of a blank being put into one of the rifles. Which is funny because I just watched a video on that. No one really knows if it's true, but if it is they did that for two reasons. One, to calm the prisoner. Two, is to calm the executioner who would have felt very bad if the were killing woman and children or there own comrade who must have deserted. Sorry about the ramble I just find this legend so interesting and I'm happy you put it to use. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2020
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Oh, ramble on Ben. That legend had a place somewhere in my mind--I have no idea where it came from. I was beginning to think it was all in my imagination, especially since two good reviewer friends poo-pooed the idea that it could ever be more than a legend, that it served no purpose to prisoner or shooter, and more than that, anyone who has ever fired a rifle knows that the recoil shows there is a bullet in the chamber. A blank doesn't recoil.
It's all fun, though, is fiction only, and the bonus is that it causes thought.
Thank you, sincerely, for adding your ramble to it with a bit of authenication.
Comment from nomi338
This is definitely one time when I would piss my pants in public without shame. Either I soil myself publicly and live with the shame, or I soil myself just before dying and in that case, who the heck cares, I'm a dead man anyway.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2020
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This is definitely one time when I would piss my pants in public without shame. Either I soil myself publicly and live with the shame, or I soil myself just before dying and in that case, who the heck cares, I'm a dead man anyway.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2020
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You're funny. I'm happy you read my story and took away something helpful to you.