Within the Bone
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "A Return to Sjaligr"A tale of love, magic, and revenge.
2 total reviews
Comment from AJ McCall
Aallotar is my favorite in this chapter. She's very protective of Mara, I mean, their fates are joined, and whatever her father and uncle has called her for can't be pleasant. Especially when they see her mother and Aallotar with her. I fear Mara's friend might change to protect her, maybe attack her father, brother, or uncle. Man, I wish you didn't end it like this Olsen!! Ugh! You're baiting me! :)
No typos I noticed but I noticed a extra space: The Red Mountains are full( )of betrayal for a spell-breaker."
Please post the next chapter soon! Can't wait to read it!!
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2020
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Aallotar is my favorite in this chapter. She's very protective of Mara, I mean, their fates are joined, and whatever her father and uncle has called her for can't be pleasant. Especially when they see her mother and Aallotar with her. I fear Mara's friend might change to protect her, maybe attack her father, brother, or uncle. Man, I wish you didn't end it like this Olsen!! Ugh! You're baiting me! :)
No typos I noticed but I noticed a extra space: The Red Mountains are full( )of betrayal for a spell-breaker."
Please post the next chapter soon! Can't wait to read it!!
Comment Written 21-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2020
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Thanks for reading and reviewing. It?s definitely clear (I hope) that Aallotar?s not a huge fan of most of Mara?s family, which should have some interesting consequences.
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Yes indeed. Aallotar's a favorite. You're welcome!
Comment from robyn corum
K,
Still creating a truly spellbinding world filled with inhabitants that seem to be of your own cunning and crafting. I say that only because I don't know this fantasy world. And, as you know, don't usually care for it. Your writing is so tight and precise - so clear - that the reader is easily able to visualize your characters, their actions, and these scenes.
Only a couple of small notes:
1.) It glowed like nothing she had ever seen before, growing steadily brighter as it came more and more alike.
--> edit for clarity?
2.) "That was not worried," Aallotar mumbled,
--> the worry?
3.) I hesitated to mention it, but 'alright', though often accepted, isn't truly correct. It should always be 'all right'.
Thanks!
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2020
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K,
Still creating a truly spellbinding world filled with inhabitants that seem to be of your own cunning and crafting. I say that only because I don't know this fantasy world. And, as you know, don't usually care for it. Your writing is so tight and precise - so clear - that the reader is easily able to visualize your characters, their actions, and these scenes.
Only a couple of small notes:
1.) It glowed like nothing she had ever seen before, growing steadily brighter as it came more and more alike.
--> edit for clarity?
2.) "That was not worried," Aallotar mumbled,
--> the worry?
3.) I hesitated to mention it, but 'alright', though often accepted, isn't truly correct. It should always be 'all right'.
Thanks!
Comment Written 16-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2020
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Thanks for reading and reviewing. I?ll go through and see if I can revise the edits saw as necessary. Might be a bit slow going, exams have been brutal.
