Comment from Cedar

Excellent

I enjoyed reading your entry, it's a perfectly well rhymed poem that most children would love to read. Hell, I'm almost 70 and I enjoyed it. Good luck. Bill

 Comment Written 24-Sep-2012

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reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012

Thanks, Bill. I guess I write for my own pleasure so maybe I'm naring my second childhood.
Steve

Comment from sweetwoodjax

Excellent

this is very well written, kiwisteveh, you did an excellent job writing this cute little rhyming poem about the girl who had everything, i enjoyed reading it, good luck in the contest

 Comment Written 24-Sep-2012

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reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012

Thank you - contest is done and dusted with no glory for Annabel, unfortunately - but then she did get all the cake!
Steve

Comment from juliedickson55

Excellent

What a cute and humorous poem!

I love the pink plane image.
The rhymes are great...the recurring oo sound in the stanzas really pulls the whole thing together quite well!

Love "red fizz in a lake" though I wondered what that is.

 Comment Written 24-Sep-2012

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reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012

'fizz' here means a fizzy carbonated drink - it may be more of a UK usage - o have a whole lake of fizz would make any child sick for a very long time but hyperbole is the order of the day in this poem.
Thanks for your kind words.
Steve

Comment from poetbear

Excellent

Adorable.
Captures the heart and soul.
Incredibly spot on in every poetic way.
Reads and flows well and makes sense.
Many will read and enjoy.

 Comment Written 24-Sep-2012

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reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012

Thanks so much for your kind review.
Steve

Comment from rhymelord

Excellent

Dear Steve,
Great execution of these quatrains and I love the way you end each stanza with a comment/question on the preceding lines. As to the subject matter, well, half her luck.
Regards
Reg

 Comment Written 24-Sep-2012

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reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012

Yeah, what a life - I ended up envying her like crazy which is why I had to kill the silly fat cow off!
Steve

Comment from misscookie

Excellent

tHIS IS A FUNNY AND SILLY POEM
tHATY i ENJOYED READING.iT HAD MY ATTENTION FROM THR FIRST LINE TO THE LASTY. aND i'M STILL L;AUGHING. aND MY DOCTOR WANTS ME TO LOSE WEIGHT. HE SHOULD READ THIS POEM.
THANK YOU FOR SHARING.

 Comment Written 24-Sep-2012

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reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012

Yep, Annabel's diet is strictly against any doctor's orders - you keep away from that cake now, you hear!
Steve

reply by misscookie on 27-Sep-2012

Oh I did good this week I ate one bag of p chips gave the other bag away.

Comment from jmdg1954

Exceptional

I loved your poem.,. Silly, non-sensical, all over the place, it was great. I'm an aspiring children book/poetry writer with a loooooong way to go, so I try to continue to read and learn. Very well done,
JohnnyD

 Comment Written 24-Sep-2012

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reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012

Thanks, Johnny - glad you enjoyed the very pampered Annabel.
Steve

Comment from humpwhistle

Exceptional

Nicely done, Steve.
Spoilt to the umpteenth wazoo'--now you just don't see
enough lines like that any more. And I like
the nice little switch on the fourth lines. But a red, white and blue Rolls seems just a tad guady.
Good luck, Steve.

Peace, Lee

 Comment Written 24-Sep-2012

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reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012

Thanks - wazoo was a late inclusion when I changed all the b rhymes to 'you' sound. Originally I had 'umpteenth degree', but wazoo certainly has a ring to it.
Still not enough to knock brooke off her perch!
Steve

Comment from rama devi

Excellent

This is entertaining and finely crafted as an entry for the spoilt child contest--fits the requirements well. Good pacing, fine rhyming and clever portrait of a spoiled girl who ate too much but lived long anyway. This is unique and fun:

Annabel's dolls had a house of their own
with a sauna, a lounge and a loo.

LOL

Good luck in the contest.

Warmly, rd

 Comment Written 24-Sep-2012

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reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012

Thank you, rd - contest is done and dusted with no glory for Annabel, unfortunately - but then she did get all the cake!
Steve

reply by rama devi on 27-Sep-2012

*wink* :)

Comment from megclare

Excellent

Very funny and entirely suitable for children of the specified age. It's a real skill to use rhyme well- I think you succeed. I know you had a maximum of twenty four lines but I felt the conclusion was a bit abrupt. That however, is my only nitpick and it certainly doesn't detract from a terrific poem.

 Comment Written 24-Sep-2012

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reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012

Thank you - rhyme is one of my rare talents - I have yet to find a way to make it pay! Whoops, I did it again!
You're right I was a bit constricted by the 24 lines max and the 10 syllable max was a curse as well!
Steve