CSP: A Collection of Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 46 "An Unexpected Smile"A collection of poetry
89 total reviews
Comment from amada
Another great Romantic english Poem that rhymes very well and has a nice use of metaphors and florid language. It leaves with a sense of joy.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2009
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Another great Romantic english Poem that rhymes very well and has a nice use of metaphors and florid language. It leaves with a sense of joy.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2009
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amada, thank you for your lovely review and compliments. Very much appreciated, Sue
Comment from Eternal Muse
This was truly beautiful. I rejoiced at the perfect choice of metaphors, exceptional language and delightful rhyming. Full of passion and emotion, this sonnet leaves a lasting impression. Bravo. An excellent entry, my dear, a joy to read and review.
One comment: I believe, this poem would benefit from the lowercase enjambment. I know, there is a school where all lines start with a capital letter, but often one line leads into another where the use of a lower case would benefit.
This is my vision of the poem as a whole with the use of a lowercase enjamblemt (if you'd allow me):
In exile was my joy before your smile
had aimed its radiance to pierce my eyes
A quicken of my heart at your beguile
gives rise and hope anew to love's reprise
Forevermore to keep my soul in sheath
A promise made, an oath I'd never yield
To ardor's cunning, wrapped within a wreath
In shatters once, I fashioned my own shield
But now your glint, a razor-sharpened sword
has slashed through my defenses, with a hush
My memories of past, are all ignored
as I return your smile with my pink blush
My hardened, tempered heart has taken flight
now melted by your beckoning delight
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2009
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This was truly beautiful. I rejoiced at the perfect choice of metaphors, exceptional language and delightful rhyming. Full of passion and emotion, this sonnet leaves a lasting impression. Bravo. An excellent entry, my dear, a joy to read and review.
One comment: I believe, this poem would benefit from the lowercase enjambment. I know, there is a school where all lines start with a capital letter, but often one line leads into another where the use of a lower case would benefit.
This is my vision of the poem as a whole with the use of a lowercase enjamblemt (if you'd allow me):
In exile was my joy before your smile
had aimed its radiance to pierce my eyes
A quicken of my heart at your beguile
gives rise and hope anew to love's reprise
Forevermore to keep my soul in sheath
A promise made, an oath I'd never yield
To ardor's cunning, wrapped within a wreath
In shatters once, I fashioned my own shield
But now your glint, a razor-sharpened sword
has slashed through my defenses, with a hush
My memories of past, are all ignored
as I return your smile with my pink blush
My hardened, tempered heart has taken flight
now melted by your beckoning delight
Comment Written 18-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2009
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Sorry it took me so long to respond. I took your advise and changed it as you suggested. You are right. It does make for a much smoother read, as it does guide the reader in the right direction. I thank you so much for that because I've learned something new! Means so much! And thank you for your great review. With warmest regards, Sue
Comment from Ragnar
I said it before, and I'll say it again; you are a very prolific poet.
Comparing flirtation (love?) to combat and weapons of war was appropriate and very thought-provoking. I know it's been done before, but I particularly enjoyed the way you did it.
Good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
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I said it before, and I'll say it again; you are a very prolific poet.
Comparing flirtation (love?) to combat and weapons of war was appropriate and very thought-provoking. I know it's been done before, but I particularly enjoyed the way you did it.
Good luck in the contest
Comment Written 17-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
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Ragnar, so cool of you to bring up the comparison of love/combat, etc. So glad you highlighted that and enjoyed it. Your compliments mean so much to me and are so encouraging. Thank you for your very kind review. Always appreciated, Sue
Comment from jaeladarling
So often we harden our hearts, only to be taken by surprise later! I love the last line of this poem especially. Good structure and flow - great job working with this type of poem. Cheers!
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
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So often we harden our hearts, only to be taken by surprise later! I love the last line of this poem especially. Good structure and flow - great job working with this type of poem. Cheers!
Comment Written 17-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
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Oh, yes....we do sometimes harden our hearts. And we say "never". But then RE-LEARN the old saying of 'never say never'. Ha!! Thank you for your lovely review. Sue
Comment from FredCollingwood
My hardened, tempered heart has taken flight
Now melted by your beckoning delight
Oh, no! Unharden it. Let the melting continue. Another great poem, sixties.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
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My hardened, tempered heart has taken flight
Now melted by your beckoning delight
Oh, no! Unharden it. Let the melting continue. Another great poem, sixties.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
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Fred, the flame has been lit and it's melting! Ha!!! Thank you so much for your very kind (and fun) review. With warmest regards, Sue
Comment from Carol D Parker
Wow! You sure know your poetry. This excellent. I love the words and the rhyme. It flows so well and the rhythm is good too. You used such elegant words, which adds to it's being an English Sonnet. And I love the metaphors and similies. You did a great job on this. Good luck in the contest. Sincerely
Delora
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
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Wow! You sure know your poetry. This excellent. I love the words and the rhyme. It flows so well and the rhythm is good too. You used such elegant words, which adds to it's being an English Sonnet. And I love the metaphors and similies. You did a great job on this. Good luck in the contest. Sincerely
Delora
Comment Written 17-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
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Delora, thank you SO much for commenting on the words because I have usually stayed with more contemporary language. This is my first more "oldish" sounding sonnet I've attempted. Had to put my mind in old England at a traditional dance and "see" his smile across the room. Isn't it fun how poetry can just take us anywhere! Thank you so much for your great review and lovely comments. With regards, Sue
Comment from adewpearl
Sue, melted by your beckoning delight - this is most romantic - I was melting - excellent structure, rhyme, meter - and best of all, great imagery - your glint, a razor-sharpened sword, slashed through my defenses - melting, melting. :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
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Sue, melted by your beckoning delight - this is most romantic - I was melting - excellent structure, rhyme, meter - and best of all, great imagery - your glint, a razor-sharpened sword, slashed through my defenses - melting, melting. :-) Brooke
Comment Written 17-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
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Brooke, awesome review and I REALLY appreciate it! :-)) Sue
Comment from Joan E.
Very nicely crafted, with feelings that ring so true. The title and the picture you chose are the perfect adornments to your poem. I especially enjoyed the fight between the "razor-sharpened sword" and your "hardened, tempered heart".
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
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Very nicely crafted, with feelings that ring so true. The title and the picture you chose are the perfect adornments to your poem. I especially enjoyed the fight between the "razor-sharpened sword" and your "hardened, tempered heart".
Comment Written 17-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
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Joan, thank you for highlighting those "fighting" words :-)) I have to say that I REALLY worked on this one. Thank you for your great review. With regards, Sue
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After the hard work, you must be pleased with the lovely result.
Comment from findingmyroom
"To ardor's cunning, wrapped within a wreath" is such a delicious way of describing a (possible) wolf in sheep's clothing. You have man lyrical lines here, and I love the artwork choice, too!
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"To ardor's cunning, wrapped within a wreath" is such a delicious way of describing a (possible) wolf in sheep's clothing. You have man lyrical lines here, and I love the artwork choice, too!
Comment Written 17-Feb-2009
Comment from Jazh
This is a lovely, lyrical poem, Sue. Great rhythm and unforced rhymes. The first two lines set the scene beautifully: "In exile was my joy before your smile" and the final two lines round it off well. Good luck with the contest. :)
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This is a lovely, lyrical poem, Sue. Great rhythm and unforced rhymes. The first two lines set the scene beautifully: "In exile was my joy before your smile" and the final two lines round it off well. Good luck with the contest. :)
Comment Written 17-Feb-2009