CSP: A Collection of Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 146 "Warmth Lies Dormant"A collection of poetry
131 total reviews
Comment from howaboutProust
The artwork is well chosen and acts as a nice starting point for your poem. The only suggestion I could make is to think about chaging the word 'the' at the beginning of the 3rd line and substituting it. However, for me personally this poem was all about the word 'blanches'. Great choice of word.
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The artwork is well chosen and acts as a nice starting point for your poem. The only suggestion I could make is to think about chaging the word 'the' at the beginning of the 3rd line and substituting it. However, for me personally this poem was all about the word 'blanches'. Great choice of word.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2008
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello!
Your offering's visual imagery is keen and vivid. The artwork that you have chosen certainly enhances the feeling of bitterly cold winter. Well-executed! Take Care. diane
reply by Mrs. KT on 25-Nov-2008
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Hello!
Your offering's visual imagery is keen and vivid. The artwork that you have chosen certainly enhances the feeling of bitterly cold winter. Well-executed! Take Care. diane
Comment Written 25-Nov-2008
reply by Mrs. KT on 25-Nov-2008
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Sue...Oh... I have many, many tetractys in my portfolio. The first one I wrote, "To You, My Son" is a favorite, but the ones I really cherish are "Memories in a Mason Jar," "Lucy Rose," and "What Price Courage?" If you were to go to my portfolio, and either click "All" or go to the "Search" button you wil find them. The "Search" button is the easiest, as every tetractys I have written is identified. Hope you enjoy! diane
Comment from Donovan
Indeed it does and so do I. Very nice haikuing...I think that should be a participle...anyway, well expressed and a wonderful picture. Good luck.
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Indeed it does and so do I. Very nice haikuing...I think that should be a participle...anyway, well expressed and a wonderful picture. Good luck.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2008
Comment from tony bronk
"winters bite blanches
consuming autumn colors"
I loved the word "blanches to describe how the cold destroys colors. it is such a unigue word to describe the process. Is that a comma after blances? I though that no punctuation was ever used in a haiku? tony
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2008
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"winters bite blanches
consuming autumn colors"
I loved the word "blanches to describe how the cold destroys colors. it is such a unigue word to describe the process. Is that a comma after blances? I though that no punctuation was ever used in a haiku? tony
Comment Written 25-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2008
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Hi Tony, I kid you not when I say that just yesterday, I was reading tons of things about Haiku and poets have committees to argue these very, very specific points. LOL! I suppose it's because the romance languages have zero in common with Japanese and a consensus just cannot be derived on more than a few things. But, I tried REAL hard to stay true. Almost took that comma out, but felt it would take apart the cadence. But, who am I?? Ha! Anyway, thank you for your very generous review and comments (and for highlighting those words you liked). With regards, Sue
Comment from desertpoem
the old debate which will go on forever on puncuation..more importantly you did get the season change right on the money..nice job..fg
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the old debate which will go on forever on puncuation..more importantly you did get the season change right on the money..nice job..fg
Comment Written 25-Nov-2008
Comment from Penpal
I liked the expression in this piece and I especially like the middle line as it is very vivid in its imagery. Nice job and good luck in the contest.
Penpal
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I liked the expression in this piece and I especially like the middle line as it is very vivid in its imagery. Nice job and good luck in the contest.
Penpal
Comment Written 25-Nov-2008
Comment from JeffreyStone
I think that is about as good as HAIKU gets.You have told a story with very few words, starting with a great visual. The story of the encroaching winter, with the hope for spring is beautiful. JeffreyStone
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I think that is about as good as HAIKU gets.You have told a story with very few words, starting with a great visual. The story of the encroaching winter, with the hope for spring is beautiful. JeffreyStone
Comment Written 25-Nov-2008
Comment from Josipher32
I thought this haiku was well written and expressed. My only suggestion would be to cut all the punctuation, as haiku is supposed to have as little punctuation as possible.
Suggestion:
winter's bite blanches
consuming autumn colors
the ground waits for spring
You might also substitute a word for the word "the" in the last line, like "cold ground waits for spring" or something more descriptive. "The" is just a filler word.
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I thought this haiku was well written and expressed. My only suggestion would be to cut all the punctuation, as haiku is supposed to have as little punctuation as possible.
Suggestion:
winter's bite blanches
consuming autumn colors
the ground waits for spring
You might also substitute a word for the word "the" in the last line, like "cold ground waits for spring" or something more descriptive. "The" is just a filler word.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2008
Comment from c_lucas
Around and around it goes. Where Life will stopr nobody knows. Everyone survives winter coldness by thinking of Spring. Good luck in your contest.
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Around and around it goes. Where Life will stopr nobody knows. Everyone survives winter coldness by thinking of Spring. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2008
Comment from Jean Lutz
So much said in so few words. And the artwork is a perfect match for the words. Like the ground I, too, wait for spring.
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So much said in so few words. And the artwork is a perfect match for the words. Like the ground I, too, wait for spring.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2008