CSP: A Collection of Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 149 "New Steps"A collection of poetry
105 total reviews
Comment from Valerie Julia Ann
Hi Sue, I reread your poem. Now, seeing that you've used commas, you should end your sentences with periods for consistency. Because the lines are very short, consider upper case (caps)only for the beginning of sentences, and lower case for the enjambed lines (Lines that continue to the next line).
When rereading, I saw the possibility of other changes.
Vs 1, line 4: 'after humility and then a bow'
Vs 3, line 4: 'willingly set free'
I hoped this helped a little. Valerie
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2008
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Hi Sue, I reread your poem. Now, seeing that you've used commas, you should end your sentences with periods for consistency. Because the lines are very short, consider upper case (caps)only for the beginning of sentences, and lower case for the enjambed lines (Lines that continue to the next line).
When rereading, I saw the possibility of other changes.
Vs 1, line 4: 'after humility and then a bow'
Vs 3, line 4: 'willingly set free'
I hoped this helped a little. Valerie
Comment Written 18-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2008
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Valerie, once again, your review on one of my poems has been very specific and extremely helpful. I most certainly want to thank you for your most generous review and all comments. I am going to revisit that again. You don't know how much I've agonized about those blasted ellipses! Ha! I needed to have that space for expression. But, now that you've shown me some specific guidance here, I think I am more inclined to agree. Thank you so much for taking out your time to help out. Most sincerely, Sue
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Valerie.....I got off the fence and changed the ellipses to commas! I have had a few comments about those, but because you clarified the "why", it made so much sense to me. If you have a moment, do you mind re-reading and seeing what you think? So much appreciated. With regards, Sue
Comment from Fleedleflump
Hallowed is such a powerful, primal word. It drives this poem into one's mind, and helps to impart the obvious passion and feeling that went into it. Guides can be prisons, and maps can lead you astray.
Fleedleflump
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2008
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Hallowed is such a powerful, primal word. It drives this poem into one's mind, and helps to impart the obvious passion and feeling that went into it. Guides can be prisons, and maps can lead you astray.
Fleedleflump
Comment Written 18-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2008
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Wow....I really like your words. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on guides and maps....awesome! Didn't think about it that way. Brings my own poem a new facet to me! Ha! I REALLY appreciate it. And thank you for your most generous review and all comments. So happy you liked it. Most sincerely, Sue
Comment from Leonidus07
A good poem, but with a few adjustments. I didn't have any idea what the poem was about! It was hard to understand, and didn't flow that well. Good job!
~Leonidus07
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2008
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A good poem, but with a few adjustments. I didn't have any idea what the poem was about! It was hard to understand, and didn't flow that well. Good job!
~Leonidus07
Comment Written 18-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2008
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Leonidus,....I'm sorry, but I'm not understanding your review, so it is difficult for me to respond. You say "Good Job!" while every and all previous comments were opposite to that. Can you be more specific and clarify? With respect....Sue
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sorry about that. i was tired. I found it a bit hard to understand, as it didn't flow as well as i expected, but you still did a good job with everything else.
~Leonidus07
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Leonidus,....I'm sorry, but I'm not understanding your review, so it is difficult for me to respond. You say "Good Job!" while every and all previous comments were opposite to that. Can you be more specific and clarify? With respect....Sue
Comment from Jan Anderegg
Hallowed is that ground!
Now trampled by me
Others will follow
Willingly...set free
A very good point you have made here. I didn't find any errors in your poem. It is always difficult to start off in a new direction in life. But as you say, the end result is worth the effort.
Well written. No errors noted.
Jan
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2008
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Hallowed is that ground!
Now trampled by me
Others will follow
Willingly...set free
A very good point you have made here. I didn't find any errors in your poem. It is always difficult to start off in a new direction in life. But as you say, the end result is worth the effort.
Well written. No errors noted.
Jan
Comment Written 18-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2008
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Jan, thank you for highlighting the words you found that resonated. I most certainly appreciate your generous review and comments. So much appreciated, Sue
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi 6teezkid....we must conquer many trials and tribulations (pardon the cliche) in life and I think fear is at the top of the list. We never know until we try what we might accomplish if we are not held back by fear or indecision. Your poem speaks well to that. Well done....blessings...chey
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2008
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Hi 6teezkid....we must conquer many trials and tribulations (pardon the cliche) in life and I think fear is at the top of the list. We never know until we try what we might accomplish if we are not held back by fear or indecision. Your poem speaks well to that. Well done....blessings...chey
Comment Written 18-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2008
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Chey, I had a friend tell me that I "could", even when I most definitely felt I couldn't. Amazing what one person can do to encourage another. And because he told me this.....I did it! So, this poem was written for him. I thank you for your most generous review and encouraging comments. So much appreciated. Sincerely, Sue
Comment from SunlitWhisper
I view this as ground that you came across that was never before tread on. It was lost or unseen, unexplored
you now walk on that ground and other will too. . . be be willingly set free like you were.
I thought this was a fantastic read and I didn't feel any need for work or changes to this. I'm not very good with the little . . . but I do know they should be spaced out more . . . like so. LOL You could fix that, I guess.
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2008
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I view this as ground that you came across that was never before tread on. It was lost or unseen, unexplored
you now walk on that ground and other will too. . . be be willingly set free like you were.
I thought this was a fantastic read and I didn't feel any need for work or changes to this. I'm not very good with the little . . . but I do know they should be spaced out more . . . like so. LOL You could fix that, I guess.
Comment Written 18-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2008
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Sunlit.....(notice the dot,dot,dot) HA!!!!! Good point! I'm not sure about the correct placement, but I most certainly will now. Thanks for that pointer!
Thank you very much for your generous review and lovely comments. So much appreciated....Sue
Comment from yachtworknz
Well, I have to be honest, I can't fully get the message here. I would rate a four, but I think I'm missing something, but I can't see what.
Whell thanks for posting.
Cheers
Scott
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2008
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Well, I have to be honest, I can't fully get the message here. I would rate a four, but I think I'm missing something, but I can't see what.
Whell thanks for posting.
Cheers
Scott
Comment Written 18-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2008
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Scott, I LOVE your honesty here!! Didn't really try to be cryptic in the poem. It is a triumph, after much trepidation and lack of confidence to do something until someone so unexpectedly encouraged me and said, 'yes you can do it'. And I walked on that path I had never gone down before; hoping to leave an example to someone else that they can also. I really appreciate your review. Regards......Sue
Comment from PatriciaLiteHickman
Conquering fear is a biggie! Well written; I liked:
"After humility...then a bow"
no corrections; a piece of fanart (which is free to us) could make this an awesome presentation;
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2008
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Conquering fear is a biggie! Well written; I liked:
"After humility...then a bow"
no corrections; a piece of fanart (which is free to us) could make this an awesome presentation;
Comment Written 17-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2008
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Astrolite.....You got that right!!! Part of the 'to do' list in life is to always conquer fear...HA!!! Thanks so much for your generous review and specific comments. (ok....I admit it....I ALSO like the line you highlighted! Ha!). You know....I wrote this quite quickly, as I was so grateful to a person who gave me the nudge and encouragement to do something. And, as I was writing, my heart was so into it, I have no idea where that line came from....I just know I felt I was indebted to this person, I guess). Thank you SO much for your encouraging words. Regards........Sue
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Oh....I forgot. Thanks for suggesting about a piece from fanart. It's an excellent idea; here's why: The person who I wrote this for encouraged me to paint. I was terrified and he gently nudged and said, "yes". That's what my whole poem is about. I have 2 pieces on fanart and what would be great is to use one of my own pieces...again, giving respect to my friend. Thanks!
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Hi Sue: Sorry for the late reply on my end, but you are very welcome :-) Keep Writing! Blessings, Tricia
Comment from Jim Lorson Sr
we sometimes fear the new path. i've always felt like i lived another life as an explorer. new paths brings new challenges to be met with some trepidation.
excellent piece of writing with a great message. keep up the good work............regards,,,jim
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2008
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we sometimes fear the new path. i've always felt like i lived another life as an explorer. new paths brings new challenges to be met with some trepidation.
excellent piece of writing with a great message. keep up the good work............regards,,,jim
Comment Written 17-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2008
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Jim....thank you so much for your generous review and words of encouragement!! I'm so glad you like the work! Now....I need to continue the challenge of writing.....so I'd better keep consulting with this poem to give me the courage! Ha!! Again, thank you........regards..Sue
Comment from skye
New steps, new ideas, new things to try.... all difficult intially.
Your poem captures the moment, the trepidition, the uncertainty.
Very well done.
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2008
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New steps, new ideas, new things to try.... all difficult intially.
Your poem captures the moment, the trepidition, the uncertainty.
Very well done.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2008
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Skye, thank you so much for your review and comments. I really do appreciate your kind compliments and am glad you like it......with regards.....Sue
