All Those Puzzling Pieces
Viewing comments for Chapter 50 "Red Velvet Moment"What makes a life? How do the pieces fit?
60 total reviews
Comment from jmdg1954
This was different, but yes it was enjoyable to read.
The message was sent loud and clear.
Everyone handles adversity, tension, competition, whatever in do many different ways and the way you layer out the poem was perfect for that.
Nicely done
John
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
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This was different, but yes it was enjoyable to read.
The message was sent loud and clear.
Everyone handles adversity, tension, competition, whatever in do many different ways and the way you layer out the poem was perfect for that.
Nicely done
John
Comment Written 07-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
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thx John!
Comment from robina1978
I liked the last bit and the title. Good general layout. The first bit had too many f words in it for me to be poetic. But this might be going with slam style. Best wishes for the prompt.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
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I liked the last bit and the title. Good general layout. The first bit had too many f words in it for me to be poetic. But this might be going with slam style. Best wishes for the prompt.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
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robina, there was ONE f- word, with appropriate warning - but yes, it does often go with the slam style.
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Yes, I don't mind. But thought it would have been nicer without, Ine
Comment from humpwhistle
Even your author's notes sound like a stream of
consciousness slam. I'm not sure I found the
tap, tap, tap rhythym. But I got the essence of the
stage fright followed by the thrill of performance.
Good luck.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
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Even your author's notes sound like a stream of
consciousness slam. I'm not sure I found the
tap, tap, tap rhythym. But I got the essence of the
stage fright followed by the thrill of performance.
Good luck.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 07-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
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thx Lee - difficult to get the syncopation bit unless you're performing it sometimes, but it's there ... bless you!
Comment from Bill Schott
A lot of poem here with a little touch of everything. It brings two voices to bear on the moment of decision in the midst of stress and doubt. A great phrase like "red velvet moment" joins cool lines like "they'll hate and castigate me" and "joy's journey". It is fast-paced like the moment and the swelling terror. Nice work.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
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A lot of poem here with a little touch of everything. It brings two voices to bear on the moment of decision in the midst of stress and doubt. A great phrase like "red velvet moment" joins cool lines like "they'll hate and castigate me" and "joy's journey". It is fast-paced like the moment and the swelling terror. Nice work.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
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thx Bill!
Comment from ronnie k
This urban, in your face writing is what peaked my love of poetry. This prompt screams, to me, Harlem rendezvous. langston and the crowd would love to become a fan of this poet. Write on baby!
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
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This urban, in your face writing is what peaked my love of poetry. This prompt screams, to me, Harlem rendezvous. langston and the crowd would love to become a fan of this poet. Write on baby!
Comment Written 07-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
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yeah ronnie!
Comment from ANM (Warlock)
Never really saw a pillar style poem but it works well and sounds good. Flowing well in this poem. You showed your emotions quite well in this poem.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
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Never really saw a pillar style poem but it works well and sounds good. Flowing well in this poem. You showed your emotions quite well in this poem.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
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thx Warlock!
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
"Red velvet song" is a terrific phrase here. You really brought out the nervousness a performer must feel if she's not used to the life.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
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"Red velvet song" is a terrific phrase here. You really brought out the nervousness a performer must feel if she's not used to the life.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
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people like Barbra Streisand & Judy Garland say/said it never goes away Phyllis!
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
wOW really enjoyed this I felt the excitement I was there in centre of the stage. A great write and a wonderful read. No need for change. Mary
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
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wOW really enjoyed this I felt the excitement I was there in centre of the stage. A great write and a wonderful read. No need for change. Mary
Comment Written 07-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
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thx so much Mary Ann!
Comment from Rondeno
This is terrific. In the loping, rhyme-crammed style of rap music, you tell us of the torment you went through as stage fright bit ... and then the sheer joy of performing.
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reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
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This is terrific. In the loping, rhyme-crammed style of rap music, you tell us of the torment you went through as stage fright bit ... and then the sheer joy of performing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
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oh good!! so glad you liked this one, Rondeno! Glad you got what I was trying to get across!
Comment from OLA THOMAS
A well done work in form, structure, thought and in words synchronization. Words were well stringed together to give the work a nice final delivery. Good work.
ola thomas
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reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
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A well done work in form, structure, thought and in words synchronization. Words were well stringed together to give the work a nice final delivery. Good work.
ola thomas
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
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thx Ola!